Wedding etiquette- children!

[Feeltoooldtostudybutdoingitanyway]

Getting married next year, early planning stages atm. Have a fairly large family, so we think we will go with family children invited, friends children not.

Do we need to clarify this on the invites, or is just the friends names we are inviting with no mention of children clear enough? It will be a sit down meal, so they will have slips to pick the food with the invite & will only have enough for the adults, will that also help make it clear?

Just want to make it clear without coming across as blunt or rude.

I think you need to be clear. Technically if the children aren’t named on the invitation, people should know they aren’t invited but in practice people won’t realise and you’ll be inundated with folk asking - or worse, people turning up with them

There is formal etiquette for this with names on the invitation indicating guests, but I would not rely on that. You need to be explicit, especially if you have mixed rules. Otherwise you may have someone politely check with a family member, a common suggestion for not stressing or putting pressure on the wedding couple, and end up with incorrect information.

I recently went to a wedding and on the invitation it had a link to their wedding website to RSVP etc.

It included a Q and A section stating that only family children were invited which was really helpful!

You need to be explicit and be aware that this prevent people from coming potentially. If it's local to where you live it's not as big of a deal but if you are expecting friends to travel, pay for a hotel etc many won't be comfortable leaving children at home

you need to be clear, and say on the invite it's family children only. And don't feel guilty, it's your wedding. Do you have any flexibility for small babies? We did flex for this as appreciate it's harder to leave usually. And I didn't mind as they don't take a seat or meal!

Agree you need to be clear, folks will assume their kids are invited, and child care is a thing that many struggle with.

id email everyone with kids whose kids aren’t invited and let them know, this way they can decline if they don’t have childcare and you don’t get drop outs when they realise.

By the way op,I’d have declined. As would every one of my friends, so you need to be prepared for this.

Thanks, looks like I need to make it clearer just to be on the safe side.

We would be happy for babies to attend, currently none of our friends have any tiny babies & it's not likely any will next year, but not impossible.

Also totally understand if someone doesn't come due to childcare issues.

Several of the friends who are already married, didn't invite children apart from their own nieces & nephews, plus babies, so we won't be the first couple to do it

Most of them definitely have access to easy childcare arrangements as well, I think we'd feel differently if we thought it would be a struggle for anyone, would maybe rethink our plans but luckily they all have good support networks, although we would still understand if it didn't work for our wedding date etc...

At both my DDs child free weddings, all the guests with children attended - they had plenty of notice, they were ok to leave their kids with other people and had a blast.

Op, maybe send out save the date cards and mention there that only family children will be invited? Then people have been prewarned and can either accept or reject when they get the full invite.

That's a good idea regarding the save the dates cards.

I really don't want to upset anyone but I don't want a huge wedding either & I spend most of my working life and personal life trying ro keep other people happy and I really want this to be one day when it's mine & my partners day.

I'd like to think people would still make the effort to come. It's not a big ask to get a babysitter for one day, not for the people we are asking anyway.

I really prefer a child free wedding although I understand not everyone feels that way.

There's often a link to a webpage now where it could be clarified in more detail.

I agree with @Crabble in the first reply.

Technically, it should be obvious to anyone with an ounce of manners that only people who are named on the invitation are invited to the occasion that the invitation is for but as is apparent from so many threads on here, there seem to be a lot of people out there who aren't aware of that, so, it would seem sensible to put something on the invitation in lots of cases.
The fact you have slips for them to return would seem to help prompt the hard of understanding, although, are they named ? That might help too.

@Autienotnautie I think on the whole I prefer child free too but have also enjoyed ones with children there. We are having a clear change in event/feel of the wedding as it changes to evening, so family children will head off then.

Thanks for all the advice, I'm leaning towards a website rather than paper replies, can make the expectation around children nice & clear & also removes the hassle of people having to post replies.