Planned proposals - why?

[IhateHPSDeaneCnt]

Just ambling through this topic and am confused by the idea of 'planned' proposals after basically agreeing to get married and in some cases, already booking venues / sending out invites. What fresh hell is this?

Also 'elopement'. In ye olde days it meant you didn't tell any one of your plans, ran away and got wed - as long as you were of age. Now, it appears to have morphed into having a small wedding.

In ye olde days, it was running away from England to Scotland, where our laws (I am in Scotland) allowed you to get married younger without parental consent - 18 in England, 16 in Scotland. Gretna Green was popular because it was close to the border. So really, it was about teenagers.

My BIL, in his 30's, married (a divorced mum of three) in an "elopement" to Gretna, and took both sets of parents with them. We all live in Scotland, he's have been as well nipping down to the local registrar.

Apologies to @Melw96 - your call out for witnesses was a perfect example of what an elopement! Assuming it all came together, congratulations!

Exactly @HirplesWithHaggis - mind boggles. I assume they also were royally ripped off by compulsory wedding additions e.g 'Jumping the Broom' ie £150 for leaping over a the Roomba from nearest B&B, being strong armed into laying down a barrel of Whiskey (in reality watered down cheapest crap from local Spar beautifully presented in water butt from local B&Q) in expectation of first child's 21st etc.

Some people love celebrating everything that can possibly be planned and celebrated. And who says a proposal has to be spontaneous, and in the control of the whims of the man, usually?

Yeah it’s a bit naff but leave them to it.

Apologies if I didn't make myself clear @TheSlantedOwl. What puzzles me is that after agreeing to get married and in some cases, booking venues, telling all a proposal is still expected?

What's the problem exactly? DH and I agreed to get married as a joint decision. We didn't get as far as booking anything but we knew we didn't want to get engaged until we were financially in a position to actually get married and have the wedding that we wanted. When this time arrived, we spoke about it and agreed we were ready to get engaged.
But we still enjoy the traditions and we wanted a proposal as well. We went out and chose the ring together to be certain we both liked it, DH hid the ring away and asked me to let him decide when and how he'd propose with it as he'd had an idea for that long before we'd actually agreed we were ready to get married, and he proposed a few days later. It was beautiful and no less special to us just because we knew it was coming and obviously knew I'd say yes.

Marriage is serious and in my personal view should be a joint agreement between two people and not just used as a romantic show. But there's no reason you can't enjoy a bit of planned romance as well.

I was proposed to in a letter (long distance) when people still wrote letters . It was nice I still have it in print somewhere . I don't think I see anything romantic in something that is contrived , you might as well be on a movie set .

@donteatthedaisies0 but surely romance is subjective and if people find their way of doing things romantic, why does it matter that you don't personally like it? Having no autonomy over when and how I decide to get married because I'm waiting for someone to propose to me is not something I'd be in the least bit interested in. But I'm not saying there's a problem with that for other people. Marriage is between two people, it's got nothing to do with anyone else so surely as long as the two people involved in that particular proposal, engagement and marriage are happy with how they do it, what the problem exactly?

DH and I eloped without telling anyone!

But I also have a friend who arranged a marriage then her now DH did a planner proposal. It seemed superfluous to me but she was happy

@4amwideawake That's why I said I don't see anything romantic . And I wasn't waiting for a proposal .

@4amwideawake but you still had to wait for him to do the ‘proposal’.

It's always baffled me. I remember twenty heats ago a work friend telling me she was getting engaged at Christmas. All planned out he would hide the ring in her stocking, she was going to find it and then he was going to propose. Just seemed a ridiculous farce so they have a cute story

I find out of the blue surprise proposals far far stranger! Or the women who say they aren't married because he's never proposed. The idea of men being entirely in control of when a couple get engaged is awful to me. And I cannot get my head around a man who proposes to a woman who has no idea it's coming - how on earth do they know she will say yes if it's not been discussed? I wonder how many women say yes to an out of the blue proposal (especially those awful public ones!) and aren't completely sure it's what they want?

Instagram has a lot to answer for!

Only last week a poster was complaining that he surprised her when she didn't have her phone!

@Letterbix

Dp surprised me, well not completely on the grounds we live together, own a house, but being older it wasn't a priority

We eloped. Just us, in Edinburgh. 2 strangers as witnesses.

I also find it annoying when people say the eloped but actually they had a few (or more) guests! I get that me being annoyed is mental! It's not my business but it still does get on my nerves!!

Not even close to the same thing. It is entirely possible to not want a surprise proposal without any prior discussion and planning on both parts but still enjoy some traditions of an engagement and wedding. DH had an idea that he wanted to carry out that was extremely sweet and personal to us both. No one else but us there. It wasn't for anyone else. So why should that irritate anyone else? What has it got to do with anyone else if we choose to do it that way?