AIBU Wedding Invite Dilemma

[OliBolsMum]

Help! So I'm getting married next year and we're starting to think about sending out invites/save the date cards. The only problem is... I don't want to invite most of my family. AIBU??

For context, I've never had a close relationship with any of my family members (cousins, uncles etc). My parents separated when I was young. My Dad has mental health issues and has a very strained relationship with his side of the family, as a result I never really built a relationship with my aunts/uncles/cousins on that side, they're basically strangers to me.

My mum passed away 8 years ago and she was the glue that held her side together. Since then both her sisters have passed away. Again, I am not close with the remaining family members on her side.

Both sides of the family have had numerous events; birthday's, weddings etc that I have not been invited to.

Lastly, after my mum passed away my step-family pretty much stopped contacting me. People I lived with and loved for 15+ years who can't be bothered to even send me a birthday text.

AIBU to just not invite any of them?

Your wedding, your life.

Personally I’d find it strange to get married and have people there I’m not close to, I’d only want those I love and who love me / my partner back.

Fuck anyone else :)

I certainly wouldn't be sending them Save the Date cards. Those are for the people who you would be devastated / sad not to have at your wedding so you want to avoid them making a prior commitment.

It's your wedding.

But I guess you're looking for more balanced advice so I'll go with this....

What would you regret more? Inviting them and having to swallow paying for them / potential disruption to your day? Or not inviting them and potential more bad blood / hurt feelings on their side etc.

Only you can know this.

Another bit of advice in general: when you're planning a wedding the focus is very much on that one day. I know, I was there, I was a total bridezilla actually, sure you aren't but that's by the by. But it is one day. One special day. But the rest of your life is a long time, and hurt feelings will hang around.

We had some people we didn't invite for various reasons and they never spoke to us again. They weren't close, but the fact that 'family I'm not especially close to' became 'people who won't take my call ever again' has actually made me pretty sad over the years and I reckon if I'd just invited them it wouldn't have bothered me in the excitement of the day anyway.

Good luck and I'm sure your wedding will be amazing whatever you do x

Don't invite them if you don't really have a relationship. I didn't invite my sister to my wedding as I hadn't seen her in years, why would I? And I didn't invite any relatives that I hadn't seen in a while. I'd much rather have my friends there.

Only invite people who care about you and who you want there.

there are several factors to consider

• are you having a big wedding? if you are inviting 200 people, an extra 10 might not make much difference and you won't even need to talk to them
• are you on a tight budget?
• will inviting these people mean that good friends can't come

if budget and space are unlimited, it might be better to invite. but otherwise, make sure the family know that it is a very small wedding.

• are you having a big wedding? if you are inviting 200 people, an extra 10 might not make much difference and you won't even need to talk to them

Would have made a difference at mine - it was £100 a head 😅

Thanks everyone for the replies, we've decided to just go small and invite those we see regularly. Sod everyone else!

Definitely your choice.
I only had 12 guests at my wedding.
I didn't invite any cousins or people who live far away.
Regarding extended family - my cut off was my son; I decided that if they'd never met my son, who was 3 at the time, then they were not close enough in our lives to bother inviting.

One aunt/uncle pair seemed a little put out at the time, but I stood my ground. We saw them at another family wedding a few months later (where my cousin had opted to invite hundreds of guests) and they were fine with us, no animosity etc.

I didn't see the point in having people there who I don't consider to be integral to our lives.