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Original poster

Not having bridesmaids?

18 replies

swayingstreetlamp · 21/01/2024 19:23

Did anyone do a "big" (120 people) wedding but decide not to have bridesmaids? Are you happy with your decision?

Getting married next year and I'm not sure I want bridesmaids, but I'm also worried I'll regret it/upset other people.

Reasons against:

Not fussed about a big hen do, would just like to go on a night out in our local city so minimal organisation needed
I have quite a few close female friends (and some close gay male friends) who I don't really want to choose between, and I wouldn't want lots of bridesmaids
I want to keep extra details to a minimum from a budget and planning pov, so could do without having extra dresses, hair and makeup to consider
wedding will be abroad in my DP's country, and they don't have the bridesmaid tradition, so not expected from his family's side at least

Reasons for:

worried some of my friends will be upset not to be asked
worried I'll feel lonely on the day... Is it still ok to ask some friends to get ready with me if they're not my official "bridesmaids"??
DP will have his brother as a best man, will people think it's off balance?

I'm sure I'm overthinking this, would love to get some other perspectives. It's a hard one to talk to people about irl because anyone I would ask about it is also someone who might expect to be chosen in my bridal party!!

So what did you do?

OP posts:

DustyLee123 · 21/01/2024 21:55

I had two bridesmaids. One I’m glad I had, the other I’ve not seen for 27 years, I wish she wasn’t in my wedding photos.
no need to have them, it won’t look odd.

Littlefish · 21/01/2024 22:08

I had 3 small bridesmaids (under 10) and that's it.

I don't feel I missed out on anything.

I had a hen do, which I organised myself.

My sister helped me get ready, but had another job to do at the wedding.

Mumof1andacat · 21/01/2024 22:17

I had a smaller wedding (45 in the day with a further 20-30 ppl in the evening). I had no bridesmaids. I don't have a sister. No best friend of such but close friends. No nieces. I gad a smallish hen do that I organised. I don't feel I missed out.

BinkyBeaufort · 21/01/2024 22:45

Don't have any if you don't want to.
There are no rules, except for you, your htb, witnesses and a celebrant.
Outside of that, forget what every other person does and please yourself.
As it happens I had my sister and his first time around and my brother gave me away. Second time, just my sister was bridesmaid and mum gave me away.

ErinAoife · 21/01/2024 23:03

I only had one bridesmaid (my sil) at my wedding. In my home country we don't have bridesmaid, but you need a witness who can wear whatever he/she wants. It caused furor with my husband family when I told my sil that I wasn't paying for a dress she could wear whatever she wanted. I was told that I could not do that, her dress has too matched the color scheme (I did not have a color scheme). We only have the wedding here because otherwise his family will not have come and my husband wanted his family there (should have been a red flag but I was in love), in the end, I ended up paying half the price of her dress so she did not go overboard since she ended up paying half (first she chose was nearly as much as my wedding dress that was before she knew I was paying)

CuteCillian · 21/01/2024 23:10

I think no bridesmaids are preferable to 6 or more. I know so many brides who say they have so many friends that they couldn't choose between them, and then add DSis and DSil into the mix as well!
Attending a close friends wedding is a privilege, no one needs the extra hassle of matching clothes, organising bachelorette events and generally
feeling under pressure to perform.

CheshireCat1 · 21/01/2024 23:23

I didn’t have any bridesmaids, I had 50 guests for the ceremony and sit down meal and a further 100 guests for the evening dance, entertainment, drinks and food. It wasn’t even mentioned by anyone. It’s your wedding, do it your way, your friends don’t have to be bridesmaids to get ready with you before the wedding.

Puffykins · 22/01/2024 05:44

I had no bridesmaids and it was one of the best decisions I ever made, especially in light of some of the threads I read on here. We had about 200 guests, and no one commented/ asked where they were.

Original poster

swayingstreetlamp · 22/01/2024 09:01

Thanks everyone, it's reassuring to hear that people don't regret their decision and didn't get comments from guests/family etc.

Did any of you have to deal with a friend's disappointment at not being asked to be your bridesmaid? I have one friend in particular who I think has been hoping she'd be my bridesmaid. If I were going to have them she definitely would be, but if I don't have them at all I'm hoping she won't be too disappointed.

OP posts:

Caspianberg · 22/01/2024 09:02

No bridesmaids. Total 40 guests. Walked down the aisle with my Ds (he was 2)

sockarefootwear · 22/01/2024 09:13

My closest friend had a large wedding and just had a family member as a 'best woman' (she was not someone who would have felt comfortable in a bridesmaid's dress etc so opted for something less traditional). He DH also had a best man but they didn't have any bridesmaids/ushers etc. There were loads of reasons for doing this but budget, not wanting to upset friends/family who were not 'chosen' etc were part of it. The wedding was lovely and none of their friends were offended. We all helped with organising stag/hen parties, talking about wedding plans, shopping for her dress, getting ready on the day etc etc. I'd say that real friends would understand your choice and want to support you without having an 'official' wedding role.

DRS1970 · 22/01/2024 09:16

I would say do what makes you and your partner happy, it is your commitment and your memory that you are making. If others think differently that is their thought to deal with, not yours. GL

innerdesign · 22/01/2024 12:13

I had three bridesmaids, my sister and 2 now-SILs. If it was up to me, I might not have had any, but it was really important to my dad that I have my sister (and she's a nightmare so I chose to dilute her with the other two!). None of them were particularly helpful, but I was glad to have someone to get ready with in the morning, I wouldn't have felt right asking my friends to get ready with me if I wasn't paying for their outfit, hair and make-up (also have a close male friend I'd love to have asked, but I knew he'd have a better time as a guest). I felt that asking family was the compromise - no drama, friends can't complain as you can't argue with choosing family. I did lose a friend over my wedding, and it may have been that she was put out not to be a bridesmaid, but I don't actually know.

Littlefish · 22/01/2024 22:06

swayingstreetlamp · 22/01/2024 09:01

Thanks everyone, it's reassuring to hear that people don't regret their decision and didn't get comments from guests/family etc.

I asked a couple of friends to come wedding dress shopping with me, and my sister was involved with the photography.

I was clear from very early on that I wasn't having any bridesmaids, but really wanted my friends to be as involved as they wanted to be.

BasiliskStare · 22/01/2024 23:32

I think it is fine have no bridesmaids , equally fine to ask a friend to get ready with you .

MissBattleaxe · 22/01/2024 23:40

If you have zero bridesmaids then nobody can feel left out. I had none. Couldn't be doing with the drama. Wedding was great.

ThirdAidKit · 22/01/2024 23:45

Did anyone do a "big" (120 people) wedding but decide not to have bridesmaids? Are you happy with your decision?

Yes, and yes

I have quite a few close female friends (and some close gay male friends) who I don't really want to choose between, and I wouldn't want lots of bridesmaids
I want to keep extra details to a minimum from a budget and planning pov

Exact same reasons

worried I'll feel lonely on the day... Is it still ok to ask some friends to get ready with me if they're not my official "bridesmaids"??

I just got a couple for friends who happened to be staying at the venue and were there to come and get ready with me, I didn’t overthink this.

Puffykins · 27/01/2024 20:21

@swayingstreetlamp I had one friend who made it very clear she wanted to be my bridesmaid - asking to attend dress fittings (I didn't have any - I wore my mother's dress) and turning up at the hairdresser the morning of my wedding etc. It was fine. I think she might even have asked me outright and I said I didn't want any bridesmaids - which she made clear she thought was odd, but.....

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