Inviting friends of the parents

Nortono · 2024-01-19T06:47:29+00:00

Getting married next year in the UK both sets of parents are paying for aspects of the wedding with us. it’s been requested that we invite a couple of friends of theirs and we are not sure. how many “invites” did parents have to yours if they were contributing? we know these people but haven’t met ourselves for years.

HermioneWeasley · 19/01/2024 06:53

How many people do they want to invite? If it’s a couple of long term friends who have seen you or your husband grow up that’s not excessive

StarboysMum · 19/01/2024 06:56

I had this. My mum wanted to invite her cousin, whom I'd met once and hadn't ever been a part of my life. Numbers were tight so we agreed that the cousin and husband wouldn't be invited. If there hadn't been the capacity issue, I would have been fine with it. My parents gave us some money towards the wedding.

The wedding is arguably your event first and foremost. A parental contribution shouldn't buy a guest pass. But if these people are important to your parents, I wouldn't rule out inviting them. It's a big day for your parents too.

Midnlghtrain · 19/01/2024 06:57

It depends to me - if inviting parents friends means you can't invite your actual friends, then I wouldn't do it. If they're not people you know well / like / want there, then again I wouldn't.

If they're contributing to the wedding that should be a gift freely given, not cash to buy guests on your list.

BugsyDrakeTableScape · 19/01/2024 07:02

We invited parents friends - was in the end 8 people we wouldn't have invited ourselves. It was important for our parents and so we were happy to do so. But we didn't have to compromise our own guest numbers to do so which might be a consideration. If it's just a matter of adding a few more rather than choosing between your own friends and your parents then I think it's a no brainer

rookiemere · 19/01/2024 07:24

i wish I had invited more of DPs long term friends and less workmates that we subsequently lost touch with.

If you had say 100 guests, then i'd say something like 8 guests for each side.

If it's a cost issue then i think it's ok to ask them if they want to contribute for their own guests - depending on how much they have paid for already.

Tinkeytonkoldfruit · 19/01/2024 07:27

I just don't get this really why would your parents friends want to come to the wedding or someone they haven't met in years, I find it rather odd. I suppose in the end it comes down to how much contribution they are making to your wedding as to how much of a say you let them have. We paid for our own wedding so could please ourselves.

Justfinking · 19/01/2024 07:27

I think this is quite harsh if they are paying, I'd want my parents to enjoy it too. Half the people at mine were people my parents wanted (85% were family so I would have invited them too). I think there were maybe about 8 people that were my parents friends that I didn't know but it was lovely and as you can imagine they knew all about me and were delighted to be there.

Familiaritybreedscontemptso · 19/01/2024 07:27

We had quite a few of our parents’ friends at our wedding. But they were people who had also been part of our life growing up so it was nice to have them celebrate with us. We also didn’t have a strict limit on numbers so that wasn’t an issue. It was a great party!

EveryonesSlaveApparently · 19/01/2024 07:29

Since they're paying, I'd give them a fair amount of leeway on this. It would be pretty rough to accept their money but not accommodate them at least a little bit.

We paid entirely for our own wedding. I invited some of my parents' friends, but only because I didn't have any extended family to invite, so didn't want my side to be empty, other than parents.

Khdzgg · 19/01/2024 07:31

Our parents had two couples each who were people who had grown up with me and my DH; it was a nod to how much our parents contributed

GreatGateauxsby · 19/01/2024 07:31

People have different views on this.

My personal 10p is...if your parents are kicking in then inviting a few of their friends is cool/fair. It makes the day more convivial for everyone, makes your lovely parents happy and it's costing you nothing.

Khdzgg · 19/01/2024 07:32

Sorry I meant they were people who were part of our childhoods growing up as family friends, not just my parents friends

Bluesclues1 · 19/01/2024 07:33

We’ve got 150 people invited and they’ve been given 3 couples each - they’re all old family friends though so people we know very well and would love to have there.

Doesanyoneknowwhattheyaredoing · 19/01/2024 07:33

We split the 120 people 3 ways - ours, my parents, his parents all got 40. They invited mainly family and some friends. We invited friends as they invited family.

we paid for 80% of the wedding.

i totally get why parents would want their friends there.

DrFosterWentToGloucester23 · 19/01/2024 07:36

My parents had 4 couples that they (well, my dad really) wanted to invite. They were all people I’d known well growing up but maybe hadn’t seen much as an adult. It was lovely having them there and I know they had a great time.

A lovely bonus was they were by far the most generous with gifts! 😆

JaninaDuszejko · 19/01/2024 07:45

When we got married in 2000 about a third of the invited day guests were DH and mine, a third were the PILs (who didn't actually pay for anything) and a third were for my parents (who paid for the bulk of the wedding). Because the wedding was in my home town pretty much all the evening guests were friends, colleagues or neighbours of my parents and lots of PILs guests didn't come so my parent's guests were the biggest group.

When Mum and I were discussing the guest list she said when she and Dad got married in the 60s the convention was that the bride and groom got no guests, it was a party paid for and hosted by her parents. I think the expectation that the parents now get no guests even if they are paying and it's all about the young generation has gone too far the other way and amquite glad that I got married at the midpoint. It's worth pointing out that 24 years later I am more likely to see friends of my parents when I visit them than I am to see some old school or university friends. If your parents are paying they should absolutely get an input into the guest list.

TheFluffiestCat · 19/01/2024 07:47

We had a few family friends who had seen us grow up, maybe about 10 in total. It caused a diplomatic incident that we only gave an evening invitation to a couple who had been good friends of my parents since I was in my late teens, which meant I didn't know them well and prioritised people equally close who I'd known all my life. The friendship has never been quite the same. They distanced themselves, and I regret that, but I don't know who I should have crossed off to fit them in.

herbygarden · 19/01/2024 07:48

We paid for all of our wedding and we invited some of our parents friends because it was important to our parents and helped make their day special. I think if numbers permit why not?

TheFluffiestCat · 19/01/2024 07:48

I should specify that we funded it all ourselves except that my mum bought my wedding dress and my sister made the cake. We didn't want to feel beholden to anyone.

Spencer0220 · 19/01/2024 07:54

I had a small wedding with 15 guests. The only plus one offered was to my mum, so she didn't have to be alone with 14 people she had hardly met before. (DH's family not local).

She didn't ask for a companion. We didn't consult on the rest of the list. She was my only relative attending.

Your parents paying shouldn't be the reason. Their comfort should be. If it's a large wedding where they will know nobody, what's a couple of extra seats to make a parent happy?

bobomomo · 19/01/2024 07:59

It depends, the only friends of my parents that came were people I'd known my whole life, I'm remarrying this year and inviting her (they divorced themselves since my first marriage). It's partly as it will give my mother someone to fuss over other than me!

Rocknrollstar · 19/01/2024 08:36

DiL paid for her wedding. There were 100 people and the invitations were split in thirds so we had 30 to include us,DD who was bridesmaid and my mother. Real friends don’t fall out with you if they aren’t invited. When DS got married 60 years ago she knew very people at the wedding. All the guests were friends and colleagues of both sets of parents but times have changed. Especially now people are older when they marry and / or are paying for the wedding themselves. Wehave a widowed friend and we are invited to her family’s celebrations (we do know them) in order to keep her company.

itsgoingtobeabumpyride · 19/01/2024 08:40

I paid half towards dd's wedding 2 years ago, I didn't invite anyone or ask to invite anyone.
It was 60 people for the day/meal then 120 for the evening.
They invited their friends and all the family, a good mix imo.
If I had asked to invite my friends it would have meant they would have had to drop some of their friends.
Otoh if you're friends have been involved in their lives I'd ask for them to be invited but wouldn't push the issue if they said no.

IggOrEgg · 19/01/2024 08:42

I think if it is only a couple, and they’ve watched you grow up and been around a long time, then it’s not much to ask if your parents are contributing imo. We had a handful of parents friends to the daytime of our wedding and several more to the evening. I did say no to one woman my mum wanted to invite, we’ve never liked each other and there was no way I wanted her there!

TammyJones · 19/01/2024 09:17

@JaninaDuszejko

When Mum and I were discussing the guest list she said when she and Dad got married in the 60s the convention was that the bride and groom got no guests, it was a party paid for and hosted by her parents. I think the expectation that the parents now get no guests even if they are paying and it's all about the young generation has gone too far the other way and amquite glad that I got married at the midpoint. It's worth pointing out that 24 years later I am more likely to see friends of my parents when I visit them than I am to see some old school or university friends. If your parents are paying they should absolutely get an input into the guest list.

THIS

marrying in the 80's traditional it was the brides parents paid for the lot and the guests were mainly family from both sides.
Groom got his brother or mate as best man
Bride got sister / mate as bridesmaid etc.
then you got a half a dozen friends to join in for the night do if you had one.