Not having a reception due to lack of guests to invite

[Fraidofabow]

We’re planning a very small basic wedding in a registry office. No flowers or photographers. Just us, our baby and our parents. It’s all we can afford.
Im happy and excited we’ll be married of course, but deep down I’m disappointed that it ends there. We won’t be having a reception as neither of us have any one to invite. I lost my friends when I got pregnant. The only people we’d have to invite is elderly relatives so it wouldn’t be fun. No dancing, no drinking, no one to be happy for us and give speeches and a toast, no wedding cake, no first dance.
I know the marriage is the most important thing and it will be a lovely ceremony, but I always dreamed of my wedding day being a full jam packed day with a meal and party afterwards. Then a lovely honeymoon to finish it off. We won’t be having any of it. I had to wait 9 years for it and I worry it’ll be underwhelming.
Did anyone else have this arrangement and did it go better than you expected? Did you find it hard going home after without all the ‘extras’ many people have after their ceremony?
We would have had a party if we had friends, so it’s embarrassing that we can’t for that reason. It just makes me feel a bit sad, whilst none of that ott big white wedding showy off is my thing anyway I feel a bit down I won’t experience it.
Can anyone relate?

We’re having a wedding like this in summer - just the ceremony with parents/siblings then we’ll go and have a meal somewhere afterwards. I think it will be nice. It’s such a small group of people which makes it more intimate and special. Low cost, low stress, but special.

Have you set a date yet?

Maybe this suggestion isn't up your street, but years ago when I had a major birthday and was between friendship groups I found out that there was a ball at an incredible venue the same night. I paid for three of us to go, we all got dressed up and had a brilliant night...I guess I hijacked another event and when other ball goers found out it was my birthday, I got made a fuss of.

If you just wanted to be around people and feel less lonely and haven't already picked a date, you could look at one that coincides with other events. NYE upscale party at a hotel or a Christmas Party Night, Valentines Ball or a 1940s/other themed weekend event that might fit your interests.

Some people have weddings on cruise ships (even mini cruises) and invite other passengers or hold the ceremony on the day of Gala/Captain's Night.

Or just have a meal with your relatives in a restaurant/pub/hotel that's got a bit of a buzz about it as pps have suggested.

Or go with the tiny wedding theme and elope to Gretna and make everything secret and romantic.

If you have a special interest or hobby, you could indulge in that in lieu of a reception (feed alpacas, go salsa dancing, stand up paddleboarding, afternoon tea on a steam train etc). Make it unique and special to you as a couple.

And congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

I went to a wedding ‘reception’ of 6. Only the parents were the witnesses but we joined the couple and them after for a lunch meal. Then the newlyweds left for their honeymoon (hotel an hours+ drive away; nothing extravagant) at about 4pm.

Loved it! Very happy to be invited, lovely day.

This sounds like a fab celebration.. would love to attend a wedding like this!

All the best weddings are small ones with loved ones, very intimate. Best wishes for a happy and healthy future together 💕

It will go well if you plan to enjoy it. Can you definitely not have a lovely afternoon tea party? Local village hall? The older relatives will be so pleased. We planned our wedding around the older relatives and had some amazing memories of people who are no longer with us. You could get a beautiful tea dress and theme it. Can you really not get an affordable train somewhere for a lovely long weekend? Im sorry you lost your friends. Do you not have acquaintances. You could be brave and invite them.

Thanks everyone, I appreciate the suggestions.
unfortunately dp pushed his friends away during depression some years back and my friends have drifted away one by one as their children are older and they have more freedom now, whereas I have a baby and nothing in common with them anymore. They don’t respond to messages these days so I gave up.
Were fine and happy in our friend-less bubble but it stands out more in situations where you need friends and family to bring up the numbers for a reception party. Our elderly relatives won’t be interested in music and dancing, they’ll sit and chat so the room will be bare and boring. It’s not what I’d have in mind and would be a waste of money to even consider it.
Parents aren't interested in speeches etc as there won’t be an ‘audience’ to hear them they don’t see the point.
We’ll go for a meal after but short of becoming rich and hiring a whole restaurant to ourselves, we won’t have the opportunity for music, dancing, cake etc. I get a bit teary when I think about it.
But I know the marriage is the important part and I’ll love the day regardless.

Don't have a sad Wedding Day.
Some details don't cost much - particularly if you are not fussy and gratefully accept donations of time and skills..
Celebrate with the older relatives.

Surely you each have ten people who love you and love getting together.
Budget for affording a nice dress. (Look at second hand shops.)
DH in a suit or jacket, new tie and polished shoes.
Ask relatives and parents what they can do.
Accept all offers. Borrow stuff.
For example - Someone with a garden could make two floral posies and two button holes.
Ask a young cousin to be the photographer. Seek out a nearby garden for some formal shots.
Another cousin to sign the register.
Don't forget about neighbours. Are they your friends?
Drive yourselves to wedding.
Book a meal at an ordinary but lovely pub. Guests pay for themselves and don't bring gifts.

In my experience it is worthwhile looking at getting married at your local church with an attached hall. The venue and hall are usually lovely, music is great, someone else does the grounds, you can ask for flowers to be left there from a church service and the committee can often provide a light morning tea at low cost for twenty people.

Honeymoon?? Send out word through the family ..

Would anyone swap houses with you for a week?
Look at the best house swap, house sitting or home sharing organisations.
Could your parents stay at your place while you take a cheap flight to Greece?

If you want a bright celebration make it happen.

Also check out the entertainment at local pubs. Choose to go out, if by yourselves, to a place with live entertainment or a musician where you can have a romantic dance and celebrate.

I wanted a wedding like yours. Immediate family, couple of close friends, registry office and go somewhere for a nice meal.

DH wanted a wider guest list so we compromised by not having the reception anywhere fancy, literally local rugby club with a DJ and a buffet made by friends.

If I could go back I'd dig my heels in and have the small affair!

We had two people to our RO wedding, the two friends who were witnesses. We went for lunch afterwards.

We didn’t even tell our ( mainly elderly) relatives, or other friends. We didn’t particularly want any fuss, we told people we were married as when it was appropriate. It suited us just fine.

I don’t cherish the memory of my ‘wedding’, but I cherish my marriage pretty much every day.

Not read all the replies, so apologies if this has been said, but can't you have a lovely celebration just with your parents? We're doing exactly that this summer! We've booked a big cottage in the grounds of a hotel for the weekend for us, DD, our parents and siblings, wedding will be in the hotel grounds and then a lovely meal for the 10 of us in a private dining room. I have a proper wedding dress and photographer and I'll have a bouquet etc, so it'll still feel wedding-y. No dance but neither of us are into that anyway. We have tiny families, rarely see most of our distant relatives and also both have small friendship groups, some of whom are scattered across the world so probably wouldn't make it back. I do sometimes have pangs of wishing for a bigger day but we're saving for a house so mostly I'm content and looking forward to it. Hope you enjoy your day and find a way to make it work for you!

We got married during the pandemic in a registry office with just two witnesses. Even my family couldn't be present but we didn't want to keep postponing. It's definitely not what I would have wanted/hoped for but I took it as that's how life is now. We had food and champagne at home with those two witnesses and that was that.

We had 12 guests at our wedding. I had a silk flower bouquet, which I still have in a vase now on the kitchen windowsill, but we took our own photographs, didn't have fancy cars etc. We made our own wedding cake and I wore a simple but pretty dress (cost £48).
After the ceremony, we went to a lovely independent little tapas restaurant. They let us have the entire venue for three hours (a Saturday afternoon in January) and we had the 'party' menu. It was £18 a head with a wide selection of tapas dishes, plus some alternatives to match specific dietary requirements. We had quiet music in the background, rather than dancing/ a disco.
It was wonderful!
It felt super relaxed and everyone said they had a great time. My husband and I really enjoyed it and felt content and happy to be married. We all said our goodbyes by around 4pm, which meant my husband and I could head off for our single night in a spa hotel for our mini honeymoon.

It worked for us.
No one expressed any issues with it - quite the opposite. Many said it was the nicest wedding they'd been to. :)

So, definitely try and have a little meal or something if you would like to. It doesn't have to be full of hundreds of guests to be special.

Our reception was a really nice meal with less than 30 relatives and close friends. There was cake and there were toasts. There were drinks after dinner and plenty of good conversation.

we didn’t party into the night. There was no loud music and no dancing. I honestly hate that part of wedding receptions and so did my husband so we just skipped it and did the parts we enjoyed.

then, not exhausted, we got to go start our honeymoon.

Wedding
Meal
baby to grandparents
You and hubby go clubbing and book a hotel.

You don’t have to know people to go dancing!

We had a register office wedding with 5 relative adults and 5 children. I had a beautiful dress and flowers and all the kids in the wedding party. We then went straight to a posh hotel and had a photographer taking pictures in the grounds. Then top class meal and speeches and cake cutting. Then we whizzed off to a 2 night honeymoon about an hours drive away to a posh pub with rooms and spoilt ourselves. Very happy how it all went. Was stress free but felt like the full deal. shame the tosser I married wasn't up scratch

Hi OP,

I got married last week, similar situation to you, I don't really have any friends of my own and my partner has quite a lot (some I love, some I dislike a lot), and he has a lot of family (again, some I love, some not so much) so I didn't want to feel self conscious about my lack of people.. and we also didn't want to feel like we had to invite people we don't really like due to the snowballing effect of wedding invites! Plus, there are some errr, feral kids, and we wanted a pretty classy day if at all possible (got 2 kids myself who can show feral tenancies if left unglared at)

Anyway, we only invited both sets of parents and our kids 6 guests, 8 people in total. We stayed in a trendy hotel the night before and after, and did all the traditional keeping apart overnight until the 'aisle' walk purely to make it feel more special and wedding's. We had a 20 minute registry office ceremony, my son read 2 readings, we had music, I'd done my own flowers and buttonholes, and I'd hired a photographer for 2 hrs, again, felt special and wedding'y. We hired a private room at a famous swanky restaurant in Manchester which had a minimum spend stipulation which hilariously was met between just 6 adults and 2 kids due to the ridiculous costs of drinks and my eldest sons insistence of choosing the hightest priced set menu option (it was the nicest offering tbf) They even did us table stationary for free and we had our own waiter because it's a private room, we felt like superstars! We had drinks in a rooftop bar prior to the meal - the photographer has sent previews of a couple of pics and we look like flipping celebrities, it's actually amazing. Stayed in the hotel again afterwards, together in a room this time, hotel upgraded us to a penthouse suite (people are VERY generous when they know you're getting married, because... reviews) again, very wedding'y and very special. I did most stuff DIY, and I did question myself at times (why am I doing a wedding cake when there's 8 of us? Why am I spending 12 hours making flower arrangements, why am I wearing a white actual wedding dress for 20 min ceremony!?)

My dad is 76 and he had the time of his life, same with my mum, they felt so special for a day. Even my MIL did an OK job of pretending (in laws were very annoyed at us not inviting anyone)... Very self indulgent post (I'm still on cloud 9, apols) but I just wanted you to see what can and should be done if you want to! Make it feel special, it doesn't matter how many people are there, make it feel special and do it how you want to! Hire a room, or reserve a corner of a nice restaurant, have photos somewhere swanky, hire a massive grand car to take you there, book a room with a hot tub for your wedding bday night....

That sounds awesome. I hope the OP had/has such a day.

I know two couples who went abroad just themselves for a wedding, looked like they had amazing holidays and beautiful wedding ceremonies. Google elopement wedding packages and then destinations that take your fancy. For example Las Vegas, or maybe somewhere closer to home like Greece. Basically combine your wedding and honeymoon to make it have some wow factor!

You can still have a cake, albeit a smaller one than you would with more guests. You can still have speeches, you and your partner can give them. Have a lovely meal out somewhere more special than usual and ask if they have a private space you could use so it feels more comfortable, you could have music in the background.

Have you not gained any mum friends after having your baby? Do you go to any groups?

We had a relatively small wedding, only 40 people. We did get married at a venue but didn’t have an evening do, so only the ceremony, photos and meal.

Obviously do what you want for your wedding but you need friends

You could find new ones and your dp should ready out to his old ones. A partner is not enough - you need relationships with other people. It's really odd and quite sad to have literally no one but friendships require effort and you need to put it in.

My wedding reception was a disaster. It was done on a budget but there were drunk people and it involved police and an ambulance! If we could go back we would have avoided the pressure and nightmare of a reception. Either a family meal or straight off for a night away. We aren't hugely social and don't have many friends. We had colleagues etc, that's when chaos began

Lots of local hotels do private dining rooms that don’t cost any more than the cost of the meals. Invite your relatives, get a nice dress, put a few bunches of flowers on the table. It will be lovely. We used to meet here for family Christmas dinners here because it was no more than a 2-3 hour drive for everyone. I’m not suggesting you go here but it’s just to give you an idea of the sort of thing you could do - there will be something similar near you.

https://www.white-hart-hotel-dorchester.co.uk/