Not having a reception due to lack of guests to invite

[Fraidofabow]

We’re planning a very small basic wedding in a registry office. No flowers or photographers. Just us, our baby and our parents. It’s all we can afford.
Im happy and excited we’ll be married of course, but deep down I’m disappointed that it ends there. We won’t be having a reception as neither of us have any one to invite. I lost my friends when I got pregnant. The only people we’d have to invite is elderly relatives so it wouldn’t be fun. No dancing, no drinking, no one to be happy for us and give speeches and a toast, no wedding cake, no first dance.
I know the marriage is the most important thing and it will be a lovely ceremony, but I always dreamed of my wedding day being a full jam packed day with a meal and party afterwards. Then a lovely honeymoon to finish it off. We won’t be having any of it. I had to wait 9 years for it and I worry it’ll be underwhelming.
Did anyone else have this arrangement and did it go better than you expected? Did you find it hard going home after without all the ‘extras’ many people have after their ceremony?
We would have had a party if we had friends, so it’s embarrassing that we can’t for that reason. It just makes me feel a bit sad, whilst none of that ott big white wedding showy off is my thing anyway I feel a bit down I won’t experience it.
Can anyone relate?

Have a small reception. Elderly people can be fun too you know, not just young people. Your dad will give a speech surely? As will your new husband. If he doesn't have a best man or a best man speech so what?

By a lovely dress, get your hair done and have a nice little party. You'll regret it if you don.t

Go out for your dinner. Invite the old relatives, they will love it. Speeches from any one who wants to say anything nice. If you can afford it pay for others dinners. If you can't afford it tell people they will have to pay for their dinner before they attend so there are no surprises. Hope you have a lovely day! 💐

I agree, I think old relatives would LOVE being there for you. My uncle said our wedding was the best day of his life ❤️ Sadly he's no longer with us, but I'm so glad he enjoyed that day so much. We didn't have an evening reception, just meal, drinks, speeches, cake etc and it was brilliant.

We had 27 guests to our wedding, we hired a tiny little folly castle. Kids ran around the castle during the ceremony and then i hired a pleasure boat with a bar and paid for a nice meal in my favourite restaurant. It was wonderful, and I don't regret not having a big party. I got to spend proper quality time with family members.

Can you just go for dinner somewhere nice? Either with the full family if you can afford it. Or just you dh and the baby (or get a babysitter). If the full family can go they can do speeches if they want. You could get a cheap ish photographer and do photos in the middle, and get married a bit later on in the day so you can have the morning with your mum getting ready, have a nice breakfast etc. And then it’s a lovely full day still

If you can't afford a photographer just ask people to take loads of pictures and send them to you afterwards. They'll be lovely, and they won't be formal ones either which I think is actually nicer.

We got married like this. We went out for a meal afterwards. It was great and stress free. I’ve got lovely memories of it. We did it because we couldn’t afford anything else too. Even if I had the money though I think big elaborate weddings can be a bit of a waste of money just for one day. The marriage is the important bit and as long as the people you love most are there that is all that matters.
You can always do something big in a few years time like renew your vows. Life circumstances can change.

Go out for a nice meal with your families and have a small wedding cake.

My parents got married in a registry office only my paternal grandmother as witness and a stranger, had their wedding photos done in the Woolies photo booth next door and have been happily married 40 years. Compared to a relative that got married the same year in the 80s, spent £10k on the full wedding and all the trimmings and got divorced two years later due to money stresses.

What do you and you fiance enjoy? Can you include that interest into your wedding day - if you love board games go to the local board game cafe and have the after do there etc

If you lost contact with friends during maternity are you sure they don't still consider you a friend? Can you reconnect with them...wedding aside wouldn't it be nice to see them again?

Go for a nice meal so what if it's less than 10 people it will still be nice. You can still eat and go dancing.

I’m sure it will be lovely and special whatever you do. If you can afford it definitely get your hair and make up done, make sure someone is taking pictures and all go for a fancy meal and Champagne afterwards.

But I’m a bit confused about the friends thing. Surely you and/or your partner must have some friends? Is it that you worry there are too few for a big party? Because even a small party can be fun.

We had a very small wedding, just immediate family and two friends; we had a registry office wedding and then went to a local pub for lunch. It was PERFECT. No regrets.
One thing I would recommend though is getting a great photographer for the ceremony and some photos afterwards. For us, those photos will last long after the wedding and keep the memory of the details alive, and for me, having those beautiful photos turned a small wedding into something really special. If you do some research, some photographers will work by the hour, so you wouldn't have to pay for a full day.

We had a resturant reception, there was speeches but other than that we just had normal meals, we hate dancing and big events so this was our choice

The only people we’d have to invite is elderly relatives so it wouldn’t be fun. are these relatives in end of life care? Or suffering illness so bed bound?

My grandma was very elderly and frail but made it to my wedding. People thought she wouldn't. But she had a whale of a time. She sat in her chair and smiled and everyone talked to her and she reminisced about other weddings past. And it is one of my favourite memories of that day to see her smiling and singing.

My daughter and her then partner wanted a small intimate family ceremony. Their friendship circle also was pretty non existent. They came to the RO together, got married and the rest of our family, her 2 brothers, their wives, two children, 1 nephew and girlfriend and my husband and I went off to a restaurant afterwards. We paid for a nice car for them to travel to the restaurant in and paid for a wedding suite at a local hotel. They woke up to breakfast in bed watching birds and squirrels. They loved it and it was every bit as lovely as the two other bigger family weddings. Having said that, of course, it was their choice.
Wishing you well and hope you enjoy your day.

Why did you lose your friends when you got pregnant? Don't they like your partner?

Why does your partner not have friends?

Do either of you have siblings?

There were only 12 people at our wedding (that includes me and DH). We could have easily afforded a 100+ people wedding but at the end we decided it was a smarter choice to save for the future.

I can confidently say that our wedding day couldn't be more blissful and stress-free. We got married at a pretty famous registry office and afterwards had dinner in a gorgeous restaurant. I didn't wear a wedding dress either, but still managed to look very smart and bridal. The majority of the people invited were "old" and we still had a blast. We had time to interact with all of our guests, there were speeches and lots of fun. I find intimate weddings really beautiful and much more authentic than your usual run of the mill one.

I understand your financial situation is difficult, but if you could find a way I'd hire the best photographer you can afford. It really makes a difference, after all, the wedding is just one day, but the photos are (for the most part) forever.

Wish you a beautiful wedding.

Do neither of you genuinely have no friends?

Hi OP, fellow bride to be here with no friends. Cannot believe posters on this thread seem to think it’s impossible.

Poor mental health, moving around the UK, travelling and a pandemic sure made it hard for me to keep a network going. That’s something wedding planning has highlighted I need to work on.

Have your day with all the relatives, old and young, who love and care for you. Lean into it being a truly intimidate, family day. That’s what I’m trying to do anyway.

*intimate!

@Fraidofabow

Vist a olde world cosy log 🔥 fire place style country pub somewhere
there's plenty of lovely cosy pubs out there still

Or
book a reception in a hotel space room

what about a lovely restaurant somewhere near the coastline

what about is there any public stately homes places open 🤔 you could vist not too far from you ect?

where i live there is stately public home with a restaurant and tea room space too

Could you make it a bit more special by booking a nice hotel for you and dh on the wedding night or two.

We are inviting 32 people to ours. We do know other people but they would be invited to make up numbers, what the point? Instead only our family and my long standing friend will be there. If we think of anyone else we could invite them, it's not a space or cost issue, I just don't want hangers on

@Fraidofabow

I was thinking along the same lines too @Sunshineandrainbow too🙂

We planned a wedding in a month after my Mum got a terminal diagnosis. Around 20 people in the registry office near her hospital, photos on the beach after then drinks and dinner in a restaurant. Friends bought us a cake to cut and we did speeches.

We'd already planned the big traditional wedding for later that year (never happened as summer 2020!) so I worried this would feel "less than" but it was perfect.