I'm a Wedding Registrar. Here are my top 10 tips you should know/I get asked most about.

[kardashianklone]

1. Common law marriage is NOT a thing in this country (UK). It may be in other countries, but you have no rights for being in a relationship for any length of time in this country. If you want legal protection, you need to be married. This is relevant particular in the case of shared assets (like property), or if you have kids, or if one of you dies without a will.
2. Divorce is considerably more expensive that a wedding. If you have any doubts at all about marrying your partner, don't. It's a lot more costly to get a divorce than it is to cancel a wedding.
3. You will sign the marriage certificate with the name you walked in with. The point is to show that one single person is marrying another single person. You (usually) won't change your surname (if you wish to) until AFTER the wedding and its a separate process. So if you are (for example) Miss Jane Smith marrying Mr Bob Jones, you will sign as Miss Jane Smith, even if later you plan to change your name to Mrs Jane Jones.
4. If you have a veil, or a dress that touches the floor, both will get filthy before you get to me at the end of the aisle. Taxi floors, steps, outside gravel, marble stair cases- it will pick up every tiny leaf and piece of fluff and stray piece of confetti going and will end up dirty.
5. As a side note, if you choose to have a face covering veil that you are expecting your future spouse to lift over your head, for the love of God, practice it with them. I don't know why, but every spouse has shown to be incompetent at lifting the veil nicely and draping it prettily down the back, which means either a bridesmaid or mother has to spring forward and faff around with it.
6. Which reminds me, every single father of the bride/groom I've ever know, has always, without fail, stepped on the bride's dress and veil, and it some cases, ripped them. I would prep them in advance to watch out for it. The number of brides who have had some thoughtless man's clodhopper imprinted on their elegant dress is innumerate.
7. If you want to have young kids at the wedding, please be mindful that babies either tend to wake up during the ultra quiet bits when you make your vows, OR when the clapping and cheering starts. Have the parents/guardians of children sit near a door so they can make a swift exit if screaming starts.
8. You get one witness each. Think about who you want BEFORE you get married as the witness must be present for the entire duration of the ceremony, understand English, and be able to hear the legal words being said. If they leave half way through to comfort a screaming child or take a phone call, they can not be a witness and someone else will need to be chosen.
9. If you want to have animals play an active part in the ceremony, for example be a ring bearer- this is a cute idea but the execution is always awkward. The animal usually gets over excited, and there is an awkward long pause whilst someone tries to wrestle the ring off the collar. Animals are welcome (depending on the venue) but you are responsible for cleaning up after it, and someone must be looking after it at all times.
10. You will not have to remember any legal vows off by heart. You will repeat word by word after the registrar. If you want to add personal vows, have them written down on a card or bit of paper. Your registrar can look after them for you if needed.

Are there any questions you would like to ask?

This is so so useful, thank you!

You are welcome! Please let me know if you have any questions.

Is a civil partnership as legally watertight as a marriage? We are a woman and man couple but decided to have a cp (partly because we're old and have both had marriages and children earlier in life), and understand it's legally as good. Is that pretty much the case? Thank you.
Our registrar was lovely, and I realised what a skilled job it was and how you'd have to be patient and calm and good with all kinds of people.

very helpful
with respect to point 1, it would be helpful to tell people the minimum cost of getting married and the shortest time it can be accomplished in and what paperwork is necessary

Thank you for your question! It’s a little tricky to give minimum costs as it depends where you choose to get married- registry office or venue. If you choose registry office it will then depend on your borough, and which room and capacity, and then what kind of ceremony you pick. So there will be the cost to give notice, the cost of the ceremony room, the cost of the certificate (s) and then any extras you choose. There’s no one set fee across the UK.

For paperwork, when you give notice, here’s a handy list : https://www.gov.uk/marriages-civil-partnerships/documents-youll-need-to-give-notice

@heldinadream great question! The answer is both yes and no- it mostly comes into affect regarding death and wills. Your CP will need to have named you in their will in order to inherit- it doesn’t come automatically to you unlike inheritance within a marriage. Here is some useful info: https://pearcelegal.co.uk/blog/what-are-civil-partnerships#:~:text=A%20civil%20partnership%20is%20a,marriage%20is%20entered%20by%20vows.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/marriage-and-civil-partnership-in-england-and-wales

I believe you can also inherit wealth from your partner without a tax charge, unlike married couples https://www.graysons.co.uk/advice/enter-civil-partnership-differ-marriage/

please note I am not a lawyer however !

How do you become a registrar? I've always thought it sounds like a great job.

@ThePoshUns you keep an eye out for when boroughs advertise roles on their job pages usually, though sometimes a borough might have an ‘open call’ style approach where they are looking for several, rather than one, registrar. There are full time posts and sessional posts. You apply, usually have to give references, attend a training day/interview and may have to do a couple of different style interviews, and do a formal interview where you explain why you want the job. I had two rounds, a formal, a writing test (back in the day when certificates were handwritten, they aren’t anymore) and had to do a mock ceremony where I conducted.

@kardashianklone thank you, that's really helpful. We made wills a long time ago but only got cp'd recently so should probably re-visit the wills, which I've been thinking anyway but now will make sure we do it. 🙂

Thanks OP will keep my eyes peeled

Thank you for your post, really interesting!!

How often do you get guests contest a marriage? Or a bride/ groom not show up?!

@MyBigFatGreekSalad well it does happen! It’s not often but sometimes these things do happen. It falls into the ‘worst case’ scenario.

It is just as "legally watertight" for the things it seeks to do, but it doesn't seek to offer identical terms to marriage.

I'll just add one significant difference that the OP would have no reason to know in her official capacity: marriage is more or less transportable across national boundaries whereas CPs are UK-specific and the way that other countries account for them can be unpredictable. So if you're planning on moving overseas then you should research the laws in that country before opting for CP.

Thank you @Whataretheodds and @YoullCatchYourDeathInTheFog , all useful.
We're not likely to move countries but now the info is lodged in my brain if we ever do I'll know it's an issue. In fact I can think of another issue arising - if we were on a holiday with different laws, which is much more likely, and one of us was - as a for instance - in an accident and ended up in hospital, there's be NOK issues. So I'm very grateful you've flagged this up.

Thanks for this post it's really interesting.

How flexible are the registry offices - so if a room is charged for the bridge and groom and two witnesses only, would they allow one more person in?

It depends on the registry office, and what rooms they have available, and what prices they charge per room, and what capacity each room holds. Also depends if the room is already booked for the day/time slot you want. In my experience, they will try to be as flexible as possible for the size that you want, but obviously a room's capacity is the capacity (there's still fire safety regulations to be obeyed). Best to call/email your particular registry office and ask in advance.

Have you ever conducted a wedding on a train/boat other unusual place?

Have you ever suspected a forced marriage?

I can only conduct legal weddings in places which are licensed, but I have done one on a moored, licensed boat. My colleague got very seasick as even though it was moored it was still being moved by the water. Most places tend to be hotels, private members clubs, fancy venues, that kind of thing.

Yes, in which case there is a procedure to go through and various alerts and discussions need to be had. I won’t discuss this particular instance, but it was pretty distressing and honestly was just a horrible experience. Some boroughs have higher levels of suspected forced or coerced marriages than others.

My Nan was chief superintendent registrar in one of the London boroughs, my god she had some stories to tell!

She was brilliant though, compassionate and fun, but could shut down any silliness with a glare! 😂 When I got married, our registrar spotted her in the crowd (despite being in deepest Kent rather than London) and told us afterwards she had panicked, as she recognised her - despite Nan being long-since retired.

A good registrar makes a world of difference to your day ❤️

We want to do it quickly and quietly (been together for donkeys years and just want to get legal bit sorted) do people often get witnesses off the street just before or are there people in the registry office that sometimes do it or is that a ridiculous idea?

The only rules are that you need to provide your two witnesses, they must be over 18, understand English and witness the ceremony from start to finish. Unfortunately registrars or staff members in the registry office are not allowed to be witnesses- so you do need to get your own witnesses. This is usually because we are busy working so we can’t come out of one wedding to witness another! They can be off the street but, and this is just from my experience, you would be surprised how difficult it is to get random strangers to stop, agree to give up their time for free, and to sign a legal document. They usually are in a hurry, or have kids in tow, or perhaps don’t have the level of English required, or shy away as soon as they understand they will be signing something. From that point of view, best to come prepared with two witnesses who understand what’s going on. But you can be in and out in less than 15
mins, depending on the ceremony you choose. I can’t speak for all boroughs, but plenty will you cut out the parts with ring exchange, readings, music, personal vows (legal vows must remain) to make it quicker.