Parent offered money

[imadeitnice]

DP and I are getting married next year. We don't want a lavish do, and will have only around 30-40 guests. We are on a strict budget.

When we started planning the wedding, DP's father, unexpectedly, said he wanted to contribute to the wedding fund. He asked us to tell him when we had started booking things so he could give us some money. This was later confirmed in many conversations.

We booked the venue 3 months ago, and duly told him however he's not mentioned any gifting of money since we booked save for casually remarking that he will help us. Every time DP or I see/speak with him he asks where we are with the plans and what we've booked or bought for it and seems genuinely interested. DP understandably doesn't want to ask him outright, which I agree would be awkward. However I feel a bit stuck as we're feeling pressure to invite more guests than we can comfortably afford but we don't know how to tell his father that we're happy to have more guests (future father-in-laws relatives from abroad) if we knew how much, if anything, he will contribute.

I feel so grabby but we honestly didn't expect any help, however when it was then repeatedly offered we sort of presumed we'd, if not actually received the money by now, at least had some idea of how much he was offering.

I've now told DP I think we should proceed as though we won't receive a contribution as it's getting awkward and frustrating. He agrees as he doesn't want to have a conversation with his father about it.
Have any of you had a similar experience?

Just ask. I understand you both feel awkward but he offered so just follow up on it.

Also, unless it's a massive contribution then his money doesn't automatically get him any rights over who is invited but if you feel it should then don't take the money.

Just ask. He offered, so just ask.

But how do you ask without it being awkward or sounding rude?

Just ask!

”hey, dad, back in jan, when we were talking about the wedding, you mentioned that you might like to contribute to costs. Are you still thinking that, and do you have an amount in mind, just for planning purposes?”

He just says - hey dad, you know you said about contributing to wedding costs? Was there a specific element you wanted to pay for? Or did you have an amount in mind? Happy either way, we just need to know so we can finalise numbers.

or when he mentioned his relatives say ‘ah that would be lovely but sadly we have to limit numbers due to budget’ and he will probably say ‘oh well I said I’d help’ and the conversation can go from there.

Definitely just have clearer communication and make sure you and DP share a clear idea of what you both want for your wedding - don’t let it become what someone else wants over your own values. When you next talk to DP’s dad explain that you are doing the final budget for the wedding and as he very kindly asked to contribute ask how much would he like to give. If he is vague just leave it and keep to your plans and budget. If he offers money again DP can ask him to transfer it so that it is in the account to reimburse for things you have paid for/ready for some specified item he wants to cover eg drinks/mealetc. Just be appreciative, straightforward and clear. If he wants to invite people that neither of you know because he gives you money however, I think you should stay independent.Congratulations OP.

You're both overthinking this. You've already been given examples of perfectly normal and non awkward ways of doing him to indicate how much he's offering.

Just do it. Is he scared of his dad or something?