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Original poster

Need ideas

26 replies

Weddingcapers · 22/10/2023 21:23

Hi all

Have changed username but been here forever.

We get married next year on my dd's birthday. She was given the option to veto if she wanted but is quite excited to share in the day.

DP and I are super keen to ensure that there is a big fuss made of her and that there is a strong focus on her during sections of the day. She has already been involved in some of the planning and has her own guest list for the evening, our photographer is going to do a fun photoshoot with her and her friends in the evening. We have arranged for outdoor games for her and her friends and the adults will also enjoy I think!

But I need more ideas, so we will talk to the dj about a few disco party games etc but we are struggling with how else we make her the centre of things. We would have loved to do a hidden reveal on the cake but quotes for it are over £1000 which is just pit of the budget really.

I have had a personalised jumper done for her birthday and we have arranged for her to have a second dress for the evening so the party bit of the day is less about her being my bridesmaid if that makes sense.

But we want to do some bits that are a surprise to her and others so am throwing it out there...all ideas welcome!!!

Thanks!

OP posts:
Squiggles23 · 23/10/2023 08:52

You haven’t said how old she is? Can’t you just do her a party another day? Sounds like you are overtaking your wedding now and would be better off just not having done it on her birthday…

Original poster
Weddingcapers · 23/10/2023 11:37

We could but that doesn't alter the fact we get married on her birthday. She will be 11. For a variety of reasons we cannot change the wedding date and dd is very excited about it being on her day. The wedding is in no way being over shadowed.

Not sure why you bothered to post of you are just going to be rude.

OP posts:
Squiggles23 · 23/10/2023 15:31

I wasn’t being rude. Just meant if you are inviting all her friends etc and having second outfits for her so she’s not in a bridesmaid dress for the eve it all sounded a bit extreme and odd for a wedding.

Maybe don’t post if you get offended so easily. Especially when only one person replies to you.

ComtesseDeSpair · 23/10/2023 16:10

Do your guests know that you’re trying to put your child’s birthday at the centre of your wedding? I really wouldn’t be thrilled about attending a wedding only to find myself expected to focus on a child for sections of it, get involved in children’s party games, listen and dance to kiddie DJ music and surrounded by a big gaggle of excited screaming sugar-filled 11-year-olds having a birthday party at the evening do. I’d decline your invitation if I knew in advance and leave as soon the meal was over if I didn’t. There’s every chance a lot of your guests will have a similar reaction: unrelated adults aren’t generally that interested in other people’s children. I think you need to tone down the birthday element a bit, or be very clear that this is a children’s party with your marriage ceremony attached and not a usual wedding.

user1492757084 · 24/10/2023 08:46

A piece of jewellery to mark the wedding - like a bangle.

Original poster
Weddingcapers · 24/10/2023 13:19

Yes our guests know. And what a bizarre take you have on things.

I don't remember saying adults would be expected to get involved or that large sections would be a kids party.

We just want some touches that focus on her.

We are doing something similar for dp's son because funnily e ough we are blending 2 families and there are kids involved so they also need to be part of the wedding.

I don't remember asking for criticism this is not AIBU. I asked for ideas for additional touches.

If it isn't your bag then move along

OP posts:
Original poster
Weddingcapers · 24/10/2023 13:21

user1492757084 · 24/10/2023 08:46

A piece of jewellery to mark the wedding - like a bangle.

Gifts are sorted, bespoke jewellery is planned for the full bridal party. With a special something extra for her birthday.

It's more how to we acknowledge it in the decor. I am going to speak to our venue decorator and see what she can suggest.

OP posts:
PinkRoses1245 · 24/10/2023 13:21

Maybe allocate some time in the morning to give her presents? And have her own birthday cake during the day?

Original poster
Weddingcapers · 24/10/2023 13:34

PinkRoses1245 · 24/10/2023 13:21

Maybe allocate some time in the morning to give her presents? And have her own birthday cake during the day?

This is already in the plan, along with a meal out with immediate family the night before.

But thabk you for the suggestion.

Me and her are staying at the venue the night before so the staff are gonna make a fuss at breakfast and bring her a cupcake etc with candles

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 24/10/2023 14:34

Weddingcapers · 24/10/2023 13:19

Yes our guests know. And what a bizarre take you have on things.

I don't remember saying adults would be expected to get involved or that large sections would be a kids party.

We just want some touches that focus on her.

We are doing something similar for dp's son because funnily e ough we are blending 2 families and there are kids involved so they also need to be part of the wedding.

I don't remember asking for criticism this is not AIBU. I asked for ideas for additional touches.

If it isn't your bag then move along

“The absolute best part of the day was when the DJ started up the children’s party games and the dance floor was overtaken by a group of 11-year-old girls who all thought they were Hannah Montana” - said nobody, ever.

I wish you luck OP, but I think trying to hold two entirely different events in one is going to be a lot less successful than you’re hoping and result in a lot of wedding guests feeling pushed aside and not having a great time. Personally, I’d prefer to avoid that. I’ll suggest a pick and mix sweet stand - at least that’s one thing adults and children always love equally.

Original poster
Weddingcapers · 25/10/2023 07:19

@ComtesseDeSpair I didn't ask for your opinion so move on

OP posts:
geoger · 25/10/2023 07:29

I think you’re already doing enough tbh, maybe even way more than an average birthday. Maybe she could do a reading during the ceremony or give her a big mention in the speeches

ToffeeApplesandCandyfloss · 25/10/2023 07:47

People are being honest, your way too over invested in your daughters birthday.
Might be fun for you and daughter, but rest of guests will be bored stuff and probably not hang around.

junebirthdaygirl · 25/10/2023 08:07

Wow l hope you are not always as touch as this!!
You are doing plenty for your dd. That's enough. She is 11 and will have a fun day anyway. If you do too much she may be overwhelmed. Leave it now with what you have planned or less even.
I agree with every opinion offered so far .

junebirthdaygirl · 25/10/2023 08:07

Touchy!!!

Fourlegsandatail · 25/10/2023 08:12

You sound like you are massively overcompensating and you are being very touchy when people point this out.

For the birthday girl, being given most presents in the morning in private, a public ‘happy birthday’ in the speech, perhaps an extra toast to her and a special gift given is more than enough.

Georgie743 · 25/10/2023 08:16

You've asked for advice and every single person is saying the same thing. I honestly think you're overthinking and overdoing this.

make sure she has a lovely dress and apart from that, celebrate her another day.

Cutemagazine · 25/10/2023 10:00

You aren’t Kim Kardashian! This whole mummy-daughter wedding duo super-fun you have planned is the sort of stuff that looks great in your head for the Instagram photos but won’t be a good day for anyone else. Listen to strangers who don’t have to worry about offending you! Your guests aren’t likely to tell you what they think cos they don’t want to hurt your feelings but they’ll be thinking it. And they’ll tell other people afterwards. Special time alone just you and DD on the wedding morning sounds lovely, plus lovely dress and a bit of the speech dedicated to her - more than enough.

Vitriolinsanity · 25/10/2023 11:08

Weddingcapers · 25/10/2023 07:19

@ComtesseDeSpair I didn't ask for your opinion so move on

You should listen though because she's dead right.

CacenCaws · 25/10/2023 11:20

I think you are already doing plenty tbh

UsingChangeofName · 27/10/2023 18:37

I have to agree with everyone else.
Repeat everyone.
Perhaps that gives you your answer ?

I totally agree with @Squiggles23 in the first reply and then what @ComtesseDeSpair said about the wedding turning into a party for 11 yr olds.

xyz111 · 27/10/2023 18:40

Sounds like you're already doing a lot. Agree with other people, if I attend a wedding, I wouldn't want to sit half the evening out whilst the kids play party games. Yes invite them to the evening, but a disco is fine.

McQueensMuse · 27/10/2023 23:01

What about one of those outdoor inflatable discos just for her and her friends?
With a cute seating area set up for them, Weather permitting?

Littlefish · 27/10/2023 23:06

Weddingcapers · 25/10/2023 07:19

@ComtesseDeSpair I didn't ask for your opinion so move on

Goodness me, what a rude reply.

People don't agree with you.

You are posting on an open forum. They are quite entitled to give their opinion.

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 02/11/2023 22:43

I think what you've arranged plus a very small mention in the speeches is more than enough. I wouldn't have arranged to get married on my DD's birthday and I suspect you're being touchy because a few people might have raised this with you in RL.

I think if there were lots of party games going on I'd probably stay for the cake cutting and then go home. That's not my idea of fun, unless I've had slightly too much to drink.