When do you RSVP to a wedding?

[SaltandPepper22]

Whenever I get a wedding invitation I always RSPV the day that I get it. To me it is simple, I check my diary (if there was a save the date it is probably in there already) and fill out the response.

I have been hanging out on wedding planning forums since I got engaged and the consensus seems to be that people will take aaages to RSVP, or need to be chased to respond.

I sent my invitations out this week and I am just itching to get the responses back. None as yet which is not unexpected.

When do you RSVP to a wedding invitation and if you wait, why do you?

Depends on how early it's sent and if there's something I'm waiting on. If far worse to respond with a yes then pull out than delaying your response

Always before the rsvp date.

If you want the rsvps in earlier, set an earlier rsvp date

@Absolutelymassesofcourgettes i don’t want them in earlier in that I have no need for them until the date that I set. I just don’t really understand why you would leave it when you might forget to do it when you could literally just respond straight away

I'm guessing some people take time to decide whether they actually want to go, or need to consider logistics. But it's probably more that people in general don't do things until they have to because they are busy or tend to procrastinate. Someone else's wedding that is 6-12 months away might not be one's top priority.

@sipsqueak I get that but we did send out save the dates last year so it’s not a surprise!

It depends - if I know I definitely can't go I RSVP straight away.
If it's a long time away and I don't yet know our plans then I may wait a bit.
The convention used to be sending out invitations 6 - 8 weeks in advance, which was reasonable notice and you would know what your other plans were.
There seems to be a new social norm now of sending out 3 to 4 months ahead, which is frankly ridiculous. And don't get me started on Save the Date. How self-important!

Because it’s not my sole priority. A ‘save the date’ notice a year earlier isn’t going to stop something like a non-rearrangeable work trip or event for me or DH, or a clash with another wedding of someone we are closer to (there was one year where we had six weddings between May and October, and I think there was definitely at least one or two more that clashed, so we chose to attend the ones of closer friends or family), or any one of a number of other things, like weekend childcare if DS not invited, and if the wedding is at a distance or overseas.

But a couple doesn't invite people and then never sees then at all till the wedding so people talk through the process, I don't see a need to formally do anything really

@WandaWonder there absolutely will be some people you invite and don’t see until the wedding! When you pay per head it’s not unreasonable for people to confirm their attendance surely? Exceptions probably for immediate family who you know are coming and people who have agreed to be in the wedding party.

Anyway I am getting off track because we are several weeks away from our RSVP deadline so this is not a “why hasn’t anyone RSVPd” thread. I’m more trying to gage when we might start getting some responses!

I RSVP pretty much within days. But we got married this year and learned that many people just don’t RSVP. We were “fortunate” in that it was a fairly small wedding of our nearest and dearest and the vast majority were friends we see several times a month so it was easy to say “oi, are you coming or not??” after a couple of weeks had gone by. Several friends assumed that we just knew already they were obviously going to be coming because they wouldn’t miss our wedding for the world; several others just “kept meaning to get around to it.” You’ll just need to not take it personally and accept you’ll need to chase in a couple of weeks or so.

It depends if I need to sort out childcare or have something else on that date or am expecting an invitation that would trump yours eg. Close family

It depends on the wedding.
It depends if you have to arrange time off work.
It depends if you have to arrange accommodation.
It depends if you are waiting for confirmation of something else, which is also potentially on the same day.
It depends if you have to arrange childcare.
It might also be that you've just got a really busy week and you put it (physically or mentally) on your 'to do list' for next week / the weekend / when you are on a different shift pattern.
It might be you are away from home and want to wait to discuss with your partner (or the partner is away).
It might be you want to find out who else is going (either from a 'I'll know other people' pov or a 'I'm not going if they will be there' pov or a 'need transport' pov or again a childcare pov)

People deal with life admin in different ways - you get it over and done with immediately, I sit on it until the last possible minute because I hate it and procrastinate. They'll drift in at different times and you need to be patient or you'll drive yourself up the wall.

I reply as soon as I know I am available to attend. If the RSPV date is too early then I may have to decline if I can't commit that far in advance.

My cousin sent out her invitations 6 months in advance for a child free wedding. My daughter had however just been recalled for the lead role in a musical in a city about an hour or so away from home which clashed with the wedding. Childcare for our son was also an issue. I wasn't going to know about the role or rehearsals until much closer to the date so because she wanted replies sooner than that I had to decline.

With weddings that’s a bit rude though isn’t it, if someone invites you, unless you CAN’T, then you go, or they’re not your friend.

By the date of the RSVP, I hate people put a date then keep on asking

It is rude after the date

@Lucyh999 it's not rude. People have to balance their commitments. For a good friend or family member you would presumably prioritise their wedding above other things, but in cases where a wedding involves travel, expense, childcare issues, or perhaps conflicts with some personal holiday you have in mind - it's OK to take a bit of time to consider if it's doable. People have busy lives. A good friend wouldn't hold it against you if you declined.

But this is MN where no one cares about your wedding, your kids, your life etc and no one should ever just do it because it's nice. It's an invitation not a summons!

Also, it's an invite. You get invited to something nice, from people who want you there. Seems fair enough to get back to them as quickly as you can, eg within a couple of weeks.

As someone says, it's an invite, not a summons-but equally an invite is a sort of favour, not an entitlement.

I don't get many wedding invitations now I'm older so I reply straight away.

Still waiting for absolutely loads!

FMIL had to inform that side of the family that yes I did expect them to formally respond and that a vague notion of “see you at your wedding” at a family event before invites went out doesn’t count 🙄

Waiting for friends and family. Finding it quite disappointing now - 2 weeks to the deadline

Always before the RSVP date and right away if I’m 100% sure I’m going.

DD got married this year and had to chase and RSVP for people herself!! (Log in to the wedding website and check people on or off 🙄) She had numerous people who didn’t even bother to respond to any form of contact. That’s rude!

It depends on lots of factors .If I know for sure that I can't make it I reply at once.
If it is an important family member for whom I am going to ensure that I can attend I also reply at once. If I get 6-8 weeks notice I reply at once or very quickly. If, however the invitation comes miles in advance so that eg I don't know about holiday issues at work, whether I would have needed child care or to do things for the DC etc then I wait until I am certain one way or the other.

A lot of people are disgustingly rude when it comes to RSVPs to weddings, and other things. They often also rude in terms of saying they are coming and then not, or vice versa.