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Original poster

Bridesmaid Dress Stress

34 replies

ThirdDressStress · 04/10/2023 13:31

Ok long story - saw gorgeous bridesmaids dresses in the sale last year. Asked the BMs what size they correctly were and thought if we buy their current size we could alter them if any gain/lose weight.

Two of the BMs wouldn't say what size they were, just what size they wanted to be by the wedding. I ordered a size up from what they asked for thinking it's easier to take in that out.

So the dresses arrived and those two BMs refused to try their dresses on just saying they would fit in them by the wedding.

At some point it became clear that one of the BM would not be fitting into the dress (which was already a size bigger than she asked for) so I got another dress the next size up. She tried this on and although it didn't fit she vowed she didn't want a bigger dress and would fit in it.

We are now 4 weeks out and the dress isn't even close. I have managed to find one in the next size up on Vinted as the dress is out of stock, I am praying that this one fits.

I tried to arrange alterations and both these bridesmaids completely ignore all the messages and didn't turn up. The second bridesmaid hasn't tried her dress on yet so I imagine it probably doesn't fit hence her putting it off.

All the other bridesmaids (4) that ordered their actual size fit the dresses with minimal alterations. It's just the two who wanted to lose weight that don't.

I just don't know what to do. I can't return either of the two dresses that don't fit because she refused to try them on with time to return them so I am now stuck with them. If the new dress doesn't fit when it arrived I am stuck with that too. No idea what to do about the BM who hasn't tried it in yet.

OP posts:
AsWrittenBy · 04/10/2023 13:31

Well shes either buys her own dress or no longer is a bm

Original poster
ThirdDressStress · 04/10/2023 13:33

I just feel like that's saying - sorry you are too fat to be BM.

These two are from the grooms side so I am trying to get him to deal with it and he's no use!

OP posts:
PinkRoses1245 · 04/10/2023 13:35

I ended up buying two spare bridesmaid dresses, as one wasn't sure on size and one was pregnant but had the baby before the wedding. I sold them on Vinted afterwards. You need to message her saying she needs to respond about the alterations or try it on, or she won't have a dress and can't be a BM.

Baldieheid · 04/10/2023 13:36

Lose those two as bridesmaids.

Or accept they'll be wearing something else, and tell them it's up to them to find and pay for these third/fourth dresses - colour must match with what's already been bought.

Sell small dresses online and get some cash back.

Wrongsideofpennines · 04/10/2023 13:38

I guess you need to ask them what they want to do. Put it to them that they can wear either of the dresses you bought for them with alternations done, or buy a new dress themselves, or choose to not be a bridesmaid. If you don't have it in the budget to buy another that fits then tell them.

It's not about them being too fat to be bridesmaid but it would be the same if they kept turning up to have alterations done without the right shoes, and then on the day finding out they should have had 6" off the length and them not being able to walk in it.

Cheeesus · 04/10/2023 13:38

Just leave it up to them from now. If they don’t fit, it’s their fault.

viques · 04/10/2023 13:39

Might have been less stressful to a) have had fewer bridesmaids and b) let them choose their own dresses!

If they refuse to try on the dresses so you can’t get dresses altered in time then they will have to get hold of their own outfits or withdraw from being your bridesmaids.

Allschoolsareartschools · 04/10/2023 13:39

Oh God what's the matter with some people?! No excuse for the bad manners, ignoring texts & not turning up. Poor you, so stressful.
I'd honestly tell them that unless I had definite measurements & answers by the weekend then I'd assume they no longer wanted to be bridesmaids. You've already been really patient (& sensible buying bigger dresses) but this really shouldn't be your problem with 4 weeks to go.

Allschoolsareartschools · 04/10/2023 13:40

...& just to add, 2 lovely helpful bridesmaids are a lot better than a load of ignorant ones!
Hope it goes well.

InTheRainOnATrain · 04/10/2023 13:41

Honestly I’d just tell them to forget about, come as guests and enjoy the day wearing whatever they’re comfortable with. Then flog the dresses on vinted. Whether or not you think it’s worth reevaluating the friendship over is up to you though. Personally I’d be seething they’d let me waste money whilst not even bothering to reply to messages. Good friends don’t treat each other like that.

Hmmmbetterchangethis · 04/10/2023 13:42

I imagine they don’t really want to be bridesmaids, hence avoiding any conversations about it.

Not all girls/women long to wear a pretty dress and have everyone look at them.

Send a final message saying they are welcome to contact you about what to do, but you understand if they’d rather not be in the bridal party and you look forward to catching up at the wedding.

Riverbananacarrot · 04/10/2023 13:43

That is so poor of your BM. Having been a BM and having had several you tell the bride your current dress size and then it can be altered if you lose weight easily. .I'd explain to her sorry you have had ample time but it's too close now and you can't be in the bridal party now.

Original poster
ThirdDressStress · 04/10/2023 13:43

These are the grooms sisters who specifically asked to be bridesmaids. I wouldn't have chosen to have so many had I had the choice.

Ok I think I need to let it go, there is not really much more I can do at this point. Those are the dresses they have. They either fit in them or they don't.

Just sad about how much money is being wasted and then flowers, hair & makeup and gifts that won't be needed if they are going to step down last minute.

OP posts:
justwantobeamum · 04/10/2023 13:47

They sound so rude and you don’t need 6 bridesmaids I would just say the dresses are now in for final alterations as you both didn’t turn up and haven’t responded to my messages I assume you no longer wish to be bridesmaids. I have therefore sold your dresses and cancelled your hair and makeup I look forward to catching up with you at the wedding.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 04/10/2023 13:50

Reading posts like this makes me wonder why anyone would bother with a wedding.

I wouldn't wish the stress of organising a wedding on my worst enemy.

gillywee · 04/10/2023 13:51

Tell dp to sort his sisters out. They're being ridiculous. I'd be cutting my losses and sacking them now, while you can recoup costs as this won't be the only battle, if my experience is anything to go by.

AsWrittenBy · 04/10/2023 13:53

ThirdDressStress · 04/10/2023 13:33

I just feel like that's saying - sorry you are too fat to be BM.

These two are from the grooms side so I am trying to get him to deal with it and he's no use!

No - its saying you didnt bother getting fitted, so you cant be a BM unless you buy your own dress

If you're old enough to be getting married, you're old enough to tell them, just as you have done here

Torganer · 04/10/2023 13:54

Can’t you just send out all the dresses to the respective bridesmaids. That way they have them and know they either have to lose weight or alter them themselves. Stop faffing with alterations, they are what they are. If they don’t fit, then they just wear a different dress. They can still get the hair/makeup/presents surely?

AsWrittenBy · 04/10/2023 13:56

Torganer · 04/10/2023 13:54

Can’t you just send out all the dresses to the respective bridesmaids. That way they have them and know they either have to lose weight or alter them themselves. Stop faffing with alterations, they are what they are. If they don’t fit, then they just wear a different dress. They can still get the hair/makeup/presents surely?

If they dont wear matching dresses, then they're not bridesmaids? then they dont get the extras that come with that - they dont get flowers, makeup etc

InTheRainOnATrain · 04/10/2023 13:59

Can DH speak to his mum and get her involved as a mediator? Tempted as I would be say they’ve missed the deadline and that’s them done as bridesmaids, that’ll probably lead to no end of drama about how you’re the evil witch who fired them for gaining a couple of pounds blah - from what you’ve said so far they sound exactly the type.

Original poster
ThirdDressStress · 04/10/2023 14:03

That's what I am worried about.

I suggested getting different dresses but DP is insistent that all the bridesmaids wear the same. He wants the wedding as traditional as possible.

I feel like he is laying down the rules and I have to try and deal with the stress.

Maybe with 4 weeks to go it's time to leave it down to them.

They have their dresses, I will wait and see what they wear on the day. It will be too late to try and organise a seamstress at this stage l.

OP posts:
Baldieheid · 04/10/2023 14:08

Tell your future husband that his sisters are his to deal with, then.
He wants specific things, which is fair enough, so he can do the steps necessary to achieve those specific things.

Torganer · 04/10/2023 14:12

I don’t think your relationship sounds very healthy, but that’s probably not what you want to hear.

Either stand up to your husband and tell him that if he’s so adamant about it, then he sorts it. Or, give the bridesmaids their dresses, tell your partner it’s sorted and leave it at that.

Is this really the way you want to start your marriage, with him dictating how things will go and for you to be at his beck and call?

CrotchetyQuaver · 04/10/2023 15:01

I wouldn't leave this to your DP, I would contact your future MIL, tactfully explain how the sisters have been pretty obstructive so far and try and get her on side to help fulfil her sons wish of 6 bridesmaids all matchy matchy or get confirmation the sisters don't want to be bridesmaids. If she can't sort this no one can. You need to delegate this to someone who can fix this one way or another and free you up to sort out the last minute things.

LavenderfortheBees · 04/10/2023 15:16

How incredibly frustrating. Agree future MIL could help here if she is a good sort. Be wary though as weddings are high emotion events and she may take it badly if she thinks you are criticising her daughters.