SIL as bridesmaid?

[ZoeC24]

Myself and my partner are getting married next year. I have three sisters who I plan on asking to be my bridesmaids as we are all incredibly close. My fiancé has a step sister aged 16 who i hadn’t planned on asking. There’s a 16 year age gap between us and we hardly talk. She can be very spoilt and tends to storm off in situations that don’t benefit her. As an example, if we go round for movie night and it isn’t her choice of movie, she will sulk off to her bedroom and not come down for the rest of the night. Then MIL will go after her to try and talk her down and the whole night just ends badly. But my Fiancé has said I cant not have her as bridesmaid if im having my sisters. And that I should do it ‘for him’
AIBU?

Of course you don’t have to have her as your bridesmaid. Is you husband having your father as his best man? No? Then he can pick who he wants to best man and groomsmen and you can pick your bridesmaids.

I included my SIL and yours is 16 - it will be a huge thing for her.

You don't have to of course. But it would be a nice thing to do.

I had my SIL as my bridesmaid. We didn't know each other that well at the time but I'm so glad I did as we've become closer over the years.

Also yes if my husband had asked me for something specific on our wedding day I would have tried my hardest to accommodate it for him.

Likewise he would for me. He had my brother as an usher as he knew it meant a lot to me.

my Fiancé has said I cant not have her as bridesmaid if im having my sisters.

This isn't a thing.

You should do it "for him" - but does his sister actually want this?

I was bridesmaid to my SIL and I was honoured but really missed on spending the evening before and the morning of the wedding with my brother

If her being a bridesmaid will make the run up to, the morning of and the wedding a stressy, drama filled shit show, you can absolutely not give her a role on the day. You're the one who'll have to deal with her, so it's easy for your DFiance to suggest it.

Your fiance needs to keep his nose out of things that have nothing to do with him. Of course you shouldn't ask his stepsister. He's being ridiculous.

Do you have any brothers @ZoeC24? If you do see if he's open to having them/him as best man?

If he foists his little sister on to your side of the wedding party, you see if he's as interested in doing this "for you"!

Feck that!

You have whoever you want as your bridesmaids. He doesn't have a say in that.

I was 'persuaded' to have my (obnoxious) sil as one of 2 bridesmaids.

It was a major mistake. She was a nightmare.

Think very carefully, OP.

No, you don’t have to do this at all.

Your wedding morning is for you, you only want people you really want there, no spoilt additions to ‘keep the peace’

I've asked my SIL to be a bridesmaid but we're close in age and we're basically best friends so completely different situation. It's entirely up to you. But I would bare in mind she would feel so happy if you asked her and she doesn't have any power over your wedding just because she's a bridesmaid.

But my Fiancé has said I cant not have her as bridesmaid if im having my sisters.

Of course you can. It is your choice.

(SiL 1) My brother's wife didn't ask me to be her bridesmaid, and we are quite close in age, but not particularly close (they lived in different part of the country and we'd just not spent a lot of time together - she's lovely and we get on great).
(SiL 2) dh's sister didn't ask me to be bridesmaid either. Like SiL 1 - she's lovely and we get on great, but she has her own friends. I didn't expect to be her bridesmaid either.

He can ask her to do a role as part of his party - a reading, an usher, whatever.

I don’t have any brothers and my dad has sadly passed away. So its just me and my sisters

Naturally there would be a part of me that could possibly feel bad not having her as a bridesmaid as I think she expects to be one. But she can be incredibly difficult and throw tantrums which is just really not what I need in the run up too or on the day of my wedding. My MIL said pretty soon after our engagement that she would expect to be bridesmaid which added pressure on

I almost feel guilt tripped into having her as he’s asked me to do it ‘for him’. But I’ve not asked him to give anyone on my side a role in his party.

Why doesn't he make her one of his ushers?

Seriously?

it's "their" wedding, not just hers 😂

Her fiancé is kind of an important part of it.

I think you should ask her, she might say no but at least you asked her.

He’s got his best friend as his usher along with his dad. My fiancé thinks she should be a bridesmaid as its ‘girly’

I really wouldn't. An usher is a good idea and she can be involved with making favours or confetti cones or some such task.

My sister in law did this at our wedding, due to tremendous pressure from my in laws and fiancé when they found out I only wanted my closest friend as a bridesmaid. As I didn't want my SIL dominating the special time with my family and bridesmaid before the wedding my mum suggested a special role for SIL... She'd already strong armed her way into meals and planned family catch ups when planning the wedding and making bookings. I didnt want to have to look after her on our wedding morning to be honest! She could be a very demanding (spoilt) young lady, who didn't share my need for calm, chilled wedding preparations!

In the end, due to moans about no one from the grooms side being a bridesmaid, I asked my husbands Goddaughter who was 3, very chilled preparations and wedding morning. It was the best compromise for our situation.

Good luck, stand your ground and leave it to your fiancé to sort out. Enjoy your wedding preparations.

Ps, SIL did get dressed up and received a bracelet like my bridesmaids. Wewent shopping for shoes etc... But my choice of attendants was not for debate.

If it was me I would ask her just to keep the peace but I have people from both sides as my bridesmaids and only 1 of them is an adult so I'm not too fussed on the wedding morning friends all around me bit.

I think it's totally reasonable to have just your sisters as bridesmaids - you're not close to her so you don't need to have her with you on the day.

Your DF can make her his 'best person' if he wants, but unfair to foist her on you.