When would be a respectful time to send our wedding invitations? TW: suicide

[weddingwaiting]

I don’t know how to put this sensitively and obviously our wedding is the furthest thing from people’s minds right now so I’m just going to ask and see what the consensus is.

We have recently learned family member of my fiancé has killed themselves. This was not a family member my fiancé was going to invite to the wedding as he has not seen him for at least a decade, but he was the son, nephew, and cousin of other people we are going to invite. It’s obviously very tragic for them.

With this in mind, it’s obviously not appropriate to send their wedding invitations as planned.

When would be a respectful time to do it? After the funeral? How long after the funeral?

The RSVP date is December so we were a bit early anyway so waiting does not really matter from that point of view. Obviously those closest to this family member may feel unable to come now which is fine.

I don’t want to be crass or insensitive but we will have to send them at some point…

At least a month after the funeral. So around mid- October on. When is your wedding ?

@SirVixofVixHall Thank you. Our wedding is in March. Like I say, next week was a few weeks early anyway

I’d leave it until October. For the parents at least I imagine they won’t be thinking of anything for some time. For the parents, depending on how close you are I mig her also allow them to RSVP at a later date to everyone else.
my friend lost her adult son to suicide and for months and months after she wasn’t sure about what she could manage or not. We allowed her to decide days before a holiday if she wanted to come and absorbed the costs when she decided not to come amongst our group.

Thank you @Embarrassednamechangeadoddle .

It was my fiancé’s cousin who has died so the parent is his uncle. They are not close though - we have been together 8 years and I have only met him twice. Other members of the same section of family I have met a few more times.

It feels very difficult to navigate as, although it was my fiancé’s cousin and others would be devastated in a parallel situation, it is not his tragedy because they did not really have a relationship, although he obviously does feel sad and sad for his other family members grieving.

If RSVP date is December I think it's fine to leave them until November. Three weeks is enough time to reply especially if it's an email address.

My fiancé's cousin's son committed suicide about a month after our engagement in the spring. We're not getting married till July so we don't have the same problem you have. However at the funeral the boy's close family members were asking if we were planning a big family wedding or a small quiet one. They actually said they hoped it would be a big family one because they needed something to look forward to. Which surprised me but I can see their point. Certainly give it time, I'd maybe wait til November, but they might have a more positive attitude to a wedding than you expect.

In your shoes I would treat the closest relatives (at least parents and sibling) of the deceased cousin separately from the other guests in terms of headcount. I would assume they’re coming, from a planning perspective.

Christmas is going to be awful for that family. I would visit in person to offer condolences (if I haven’t already done so at the funeral) and deliver the invitation personally. I’d say what you say about no expectation / obligation. Let them reply by a later date than the regular rsvp.

Suicide is a terrible thing to happen in a family. Unless you’ve experienced it it’s difficult to grasp how far the ripples reach, and how profound the impact can be. Please tread lightly. I’m sure you will.