Do I pay for travel and accommodation for my bridesmaids?

[Misty84]

Having a barn style wedding and the venue has a cottage that is just for the bride and groom on the wedding night, no other rooms on site.

Am I supposed to pay for travel and hotel for my 2 bridesmaids? They both live approx an hour from the venue. Or is that for them to arrange/pay for?

I will obviously pay for dresses, accessories, hair and makeup etc.

I’m feeling a bit guilty because one of the bridemaids got married in a huge manor with 10 guestrooms- (they hired the whole place and the bridal party, which included me as a bridesmaid, all had rooms provided for). It was also in a different country within the UK and she paid for my travel. I don’t know if she is expecting the same in return…
The other bridesmaid is unmarried so she might not have expectations on that front.
Not sure if this is relevant but neither of them are hard up.
My fiancé does not think we should be paying for travel or accommodation, his reasoning being that they would be coming to our wedding regardless of whether they were bridesmaids or not.
Any advice appreciated!

Hi @Misty84 we paid for a hotel room for the night for our guests. If you're getting two hotel rooms for your bridesmaids they might give you a discount.
Congratulations on your wedding xx

@Misty84 we didn't pay for their travel though, sorry forgot to mention that x

Only an hour away I'd say no.

If you want the BMs to stay with you the night before somewhere then you pay for that.

Thank you @Summer2424 and @BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

What time are you expecting them to be there to get ready? If early ie before 9am I'd pay for a nearby room for the night before the wedding.

@Singleandproud The wedding starts at 1pm. I probably wouldn’t be getting ready much before 10am…I think! Still a bit clueless with timings atm. I should probably assume that everything takes longer than I think! There is a spare bedroom at my house that one of them could sleep in the night before if she’d like. Definitely something to bear in mind though- thank you.

If you're getting married at 1, people will definitely be getting ready before 10! You'll go last as the bride, but most weddings that I've been involved in, hair and makeup starts at 7.30, so up before that for showers etc. for my own wedding, hair and makeup started at 9.30 but there were only two of us!

@mrstea301 Erk! Ok haha, I better not be so casual about things! 🙃 Thanks for the insight!

If you can afford it then you could offer, if not then maybe see if you can secure a decent rate for the rooms and as long as travel isn't too far I wouldn't worry. I'd say just let them know so they can plan and know where they stand, as youre paying for everything else like the dresses etc I think thats enough personally.

Does your DH have any groomsmen? Where are they staying and is he offering to pay for them?

If you and the BM's are staying together the night before- to be up and getting ready- then yes, you should pay.

I'd also be checking if the hotel has any deals- for the 3 of you the night before the wedding and the 2 BM's the night of the wedding. I assume they would both be bringing their DH/partner/+1, unless they were planning on going back to their homes after?

If you could get a deal, I'd potentially suggest paying half their room cost for the night of the wedding, but I really don't think this is expected- especially as its only 1hr back to their home. Could they share a taxi and you pay part of that instead? Again- its a nice gesture, but not expected IMO.

The cheapest hotel in the nearby vicinity is £186 per room, per night🥵 I highly doubt they will do deals (because they don’t need to🙄) but I can ask!
I think most people will cab it home as it’s only 10 miles from London, where most of our guests live, and the cab fare will be cheaper than a hotel! Their preference of course…some couples are gleeful to have an overnight stay away from their children!
My partner isn’t planning on paying for his best man’s accommodation or groomsmen.
As I’ll have the house to myself the night before the wedding I think I’ll offer my spare room to the bridesmaid (+her DH if he wants!) so she’s already there in the morning. The other bridesmaid is 30 mins from my house so I think can easily get there in the morn. Then I’ll book transport for us all to go the remaining 30 mins distance to the venue together at the appropriate time.
As for afterwards, they can either stay at my house as it’ll be empty, or cab it back/pay for a hotel. I don’t think I want to pay nearly £400 on their hotel rooms😬 I could potentially pay for their cabs home though as has just been suggested,…I’ll run that idea past my partner!
Sorry, I’m boring myself here, let alone you guys!🤪
Thank you @Justashley and @CC4712 for your input 😊

I'm not paying for my MOH (4 hours away) accommodation the night of the wedding as she's bringing her family and mum but she will be with me the night before. One BM is coming from Australia to the uk so I'm paying her accommodation and she will stay with me.

My SIL who is also BM will be with me the night before at home and she and my brother are paying for their night of accommodation

But I'm buying their dresses hair makeup jewellery and shoes

Also 1pm ceremony. Make up at hair is starting at 7:30. There is 5 adults

Thanks @mrsneate, that sounds very fair and yes I’ll of course be paying for dresses, hair and makeup and all of that 🙂
Only 3 of us so god help me I hope we’ll be starting later than 7:30am!🤪

Your update about the cost of the nearby hotel changes things 😳

They have the option of staying at your house after the ceremony or their own. I'd leave it at that and they can decide what to do and where they will stay and if they get taxis etc.

Maybe meet the BM in a few weeks for lunch/massage/catch up and you pay for that instead?

Thanks @CC4712 I’ll follow that advice I think. My partner will be delighted with Mumsnet!! 😛