Help me with this wording...

[TheLathums]

Getting people to RSVP has been hard work. Still got some outstanding and I've decided I'm not going to ask again. If I don't hear from them by the end of the month, they're not coming.

My next job is to get everyone to let me know their menu choices for a three course meal.

How can I politely say that if we don't hear from you by such and such a date, you will be given x,y,z as a default?

’If we don't hear from you by such and such a date, it’s rubber 🐓for you’

in bold

seriously just be this blunt.

Most people won’t reply because they don’t care and will be quite happy with the chicken n choc combo

We have a 4 course meal.
We went menu tasting and chose it.
We then put dietary requirements on the RSVP and passed these onto the chef along with our vegetarian choice
Im you could be over complicating it ?

You have or had a four course meal? Was it set? I don't understand your point...

We are having a three course meal with three options per course. The vegan/vegetarian options are in addition to this. We also have a menu for young people (or they can opt to have smaller portions of the adult menu).

I'm asking what to say to warn people who don't respond to my request for their preferred menu in time for me to submit to the venue.

I'm asking for wording that will help me tell them that if they don't specify what they want to eat, they will automatically be given a default.

We are having a three course meal with three options per course. The vegan/vegetarian options are in addition to this. We also have a menu for young people (or they can opt to have smaller portions of the adult menu).

I agree that you are really over complicating this.

How many people are you waiting for? I would be inclined to phone them directly. Presumably some are a family, or some are a couple, so it isn't the number of individuals you have to ring, it is the number of families.
Plus, if some of them are Aunts / Grandparents - get your parents to speak to them.

Hiya Xx
As we haven't had your food choices, the default will be XYZ
If you'd like to choose something else please let us know by DATE

Simple and effective and they can't say they weren't warned. You can't please everyone esp at weddings so just choose the way route. Weddings are too stressful.

**easy route

Hi @TheLathums you could say:
------
Grateful if you could please let me know your choice of menu for the three course meal on the day.
Please note if i do not have a response by 23rd July then the three course meal below will be given on the day.
---
Hope the above helps.
Have a lovely wedding xx

I haven't started asking for the menu choices yet. I'm just anticipating it being hard work based on how difficult it's been to get RSVPs for the event itself.

Exactly - thank you.
It's just that this time, I don't even want to send any reminders. I'm just going to put words to this effect as the menu goes out.

I haven't started asking for the menu choices yet. I'm just anticipating it being hard work based on how difficult it's been to get RSVPs for the event itself.

I mean, I wouldn't be offering all these choices to people in the first place, but why didn't you just put all the information in the invitation ?

I should imagine you are going to have difficulty, yes. If I've replied to an invitation, I would be rolling my eyes somewhat at then getting further questions I needed to answer.

OTOH, it is an easy "in" for you to phone the non-responders to ask them their menu choices, or if they can't make it.

If you wanted to give choices then you should’ve included it in invitation to get it along with rsvps. How many guests do you have? If any more then say 40 where you could feasibly contact them individually if needed I’d revert to a fixed menu unless anyone specifies dietary requirements.

OP you kind of proved your own point here. People don’t read stuff and misunderstand so I’d go for a basic

Please chose

A
B
C

We are required to have your choices by X date and we’d hate to disappoint on the day.

Dear xxxx
We are very much looking forward to seeing you at our wedding and thank you for accepting the invitation.

Please can you select one choice from each of the courses listed below as your options for our Wedding breakfast.

We do need to politely let you know that if we do not receive all responses by xx xx 2023 we will need to select the default menu, which us ........,

We will not be able to make any amendments after this date,

Thank you so much.
With love/Best wishes
From ....... and ....,,

For those who have not and do not respond to the invites themselves, just ignore. If they respond after the end of the month and you and/or the venue are not able to accept any new people, simply apologise profusely and tell them that the venue will not accept any further number changes and unfortunately they replied outside the time mentioned in the invite. Tell them that you appreciate that life sometimes gets in the way of remembering to do these things but it it is just not doable now.
Obviously it is entirely their fault but it makes you sound sorrowful and understanding, even if you aren't

I’d do it the other way around. “The menu is XYZ, however if you would prefer to select one of the alternative options, please confirm by [DATE].”

Don’t offer or arrange default meals - they might not even be coming!

Just send out the menu to all guests and say “our caterers require your choices by xxx date, after which we’ll assume you are unable to join us.”

I’d agree with you if the invites hadn’t already gone out but it sounds like OP already has RSVPs.

Yes - invites went out months ago, with a request to RSVP to an email address, so that I could then send out the menu options back to their email address.
I couldn't do them both at the same time because the venue were changing their menus in the interim.

I'm just chasing a few last RSVPs but I'm anticipating a similar problem with gathering responses for the menu and I don't want to have to chase people again. I don't have the time or the energy!

It's really important to us that the food is great and that everyone can choose a meal they'll enjoy. We're getting married in the evening and only feeding everyone once. We're not doing a lot of the other traditions of a wedding - no cake, no speeches, no first dance... So we were happy to spend a bit extra on a lovely meal to make sure our guests enjoyed it.

I'm not sure how some posters manage to be offended by this way of doing it - I thought I was being considerate and accommodating. Some of the replies I've had have been 🙄 but that seems to be what Mumsnet is like at the moment.

Oh, and I've changed my username!

Hi hope you're well

Just sending out a message to let any outstanding RSVPs know that we need a yes/no by X date please. If we haven't heard back from you by then will assume you don't want to come or have other plans and pass on the invitation to someone else

Thank you
Happy couple

I think the menu choice needed to be with the invitations.

I would say please let me know by xyz (before you actually need to know) what you would like otherwise your default option is the vegetarian option

I read one idea online which said if you do not RSVP on time bring a seat and sandwich with you. Lol

At my venue guests aren't given the option to pick, you either get the meat or veggie option with any dietary requirements taken into consideration

It may be easier to get people to reply via email, could you set up and email out a Google form with each of the choices?

Name:
Drinks package (soft or teetotal)
Course 1 (list options, multi choice q)
Course 2 (same as above)
Course 3 (same as above)
Course 4 (same as above)
Any dietary requirements or allergies (free text box)

Email out and say please could I ask you to complete this meal information by XX date. If we don't hear back by then due to our need to inform the venue of menu choices, we will have no option to allocate you the default option of (list default options for each course)