Sil AIBU to not ask her to be bridesmaid WWYD?

[Puppylovepuppy2001]

Hi just after a bit of advice!
I’m getting married just before Christmas and have decided on bridesmaids, I’m having two of my best friends who I’ve been friends with since school and 3 nieces as flower girls. (I don’t have any sisters)my nieces are my DB and SIls children.
I was a bridesmaid when my DB got married 8 years ago, his wife (my sister in law) asked me and I was delighted and was happy to be part of their day.
However I get on well with sil but I don’t think I would ask her, do you think she would expect to be asked? Her mum died recently and she’s been very depressed, I’ve tried asking how she is etc but she doesn’t want to be around my mum which is understandable and hasn’t been to any family occasions since her mum passed.
My DB will do a reading, my fiancés 2 friends will also do a reading. My fiancé doesn’t have any siblings.
just not sure if I’m being unreasonable to not ask her as her husband (my brother) has a part in the wedding and so do her children would she feel left out, does it look bad. Wwyd

Ultimately it's your choice, and nobody should be expecting anything. Since you were her bridesmaid and the rest of her family are in the wedding party I think it would be kind and polite to ask her, but make it clear you won't be offended if she chooses not to given she's going through a hard time. Are you leaning towards not asking her because you don't want bad vibes on the wedding morning? Because if her children are flower girls she'll likely be around in the morning anyway to get them ready and it could be more awkward not to have her as a bridesmaid. Really all they do is wear a dress and walk down the aisle, my bridesmaids had no more responsibility than the average guest.

It was 8 years ago when she was yours, presumably pre children?

Her children are taking her place so to speak. It's fine, she should be delighted for them.

*when you were hers

She's married. She shouldn't be a bridesmaid if she's married.

@Fandabedodgy That's not true nowadays, that's a very old-fashioned opinion

How old is she vs the other bridesmaids? Personally I wouldn't care. I asked my SIL and in hindsight I think she'd rather have not.

My SIL asked my DD to be bridesmaid I was delighted. I definitely would not have wanted to be one

When my SiL got married, and my dc were involved in the wedding party, I was very glad NOT to be. It was stressful enough fretting about whether the dc would cope on the day. If they didn't, then I could easily have removed them or whatever as wasn't in the wedding party myself.
I should imagine she will be very grateful to have no official role.