Should I disinvite them?

[Sandcastle89]

My friendship with one of my bridesmaids has become less so since she'd originally agreed to be my bridesmaid, largely as a result of her not making any effort with our friendship. However, after discussion, we both agreed to make more of an effort. Less than 2 months until the wedding, she has told me that it doesn't feel 'right' to be a bridesmaid. She still wants to attend the wedding but I feel the friendship is over now. What should I do? Any advice appreciated.

Leave it up to her?

Why doesn’t she feel it’s right? Do you still want her there or not?

I’ve seen people suggest resigning as a bm and asking the bride if they can attend as a guest on here when issues have cropped up about the bride’s unreasonable expectations or if the bm hates the dress etc.

What’s gone on?

I don’t know if you’ve ever been a bm, it can be a massive ball ache and I’ve never stepped down but a couple of times I’ve really wanted to.

It sounds a bit like you thinking she’s not made an effort with your friendship may be about her not making as much effort for your wedding as you think she should have been, is that possible?

she can't commit to the work required to be a bridesmaid but is still in your social circle and is still a friend so I'm sure she would still like to come to the wedding and be part of the celebrations. keep her on the guest list.

It seems a bit extreme to say she can’t come at all after she has stepped down as BM.

My expectations are not demanding at all. Basically turn up on the day and have your hair and make up done and enjoy the morning. The offer of help setting up the day before would be appreciated, but not expected.

I was a bm for her a few years ago, with a 7 month old baby at the time. Far from ideal but I made it work because I value our friendship.

We're long distance friends but perhaps aren't so much friends anymore. I haven't really had an explanation as to why. She 'stepped down' through text messages too. Feels like being dumped my text lol.

Would you look back and feel guilty about not inviting her? If so, just invite her. Nobody wants to look back on their wedding day and have negative feelings.
You've got enough to be thinking about with a wedding to plan without worrying about burning bridges.

I think it's a sign of your friendship that she feels comfortable enough to tell you she doesn't want the role. I've been a bridesmaid to someone I haven't spoken to properly in years and didn't have the guts to say no.in retrospect, I wish I had as I added nothing to her day.

Congrats btw!!

I'd accept her resignation gracefully, thank her for her honesty, and leave it at that. You're not as close as you thought you were, but unless you want to add in some pre wedding drama, don't uninvite her, its unnecessary.

How was she not putting effort into the friendship? She’s upset about something hence stepping down. If you care about her I’d try and find out what it is. Jumping to uninviting her is very final, that would be it between you. If that’s what you want then go for it but you liked her enough to want her in your wedding presumably not that long ago, so I wouldn’t do anything dramatic.

Why would you uninvite her? I don't understand how that idea came up?