Hen parties

[Dogmum15]

Hi everyone, I’d just like your thoughts on this please.

Basically I’m bridesmaid twice this year and the weddings are a month apart. However I’m currently going through a treatment cycle and one of the hen parties I will be unable to go on due to a time sensitive appointment falling on the day that we are due to fly out. I have told the bride and she was totally fine with it. This particular friend has five bridesmaids (I anm not maid of honour) and around 20 girls or so going on the hen.

My other friends hen party is going to fall 5 weeks after this one. It’s a small group of 5 girls and I work them all so they know my circumstances. I will be finished my cycle when it rolls around and I’m the only bridesmaid for this friend. I was going to attend this hen party as I feel more comfortable doing so and I don’t have any appointments scheduled for then.

However when I mentioned it to the first friend (whose hen party I can not attend) she got quite angry at me. So now I’m stuck as to what to do. I can understand she’s annoyed that I couldn’t attend her hen party and can attend another but I honestly didn’t think I was doing anything wrong. What are your thoughts?

Thanks in advance.

Depending on the treatment, are you able to fly later than day / next day to meet the first hen group?

You mention the second group know all about your circumstances, perhaps does the first bride not know enough about the treatment to understand that you're unable to go? It might be worth a bit of an explanation.

I think they're 5 weeks apart so it's not like it's a day or two and you've picked one over the other, and if you've got appointments it can't be helped.

@rainraingoawaay hi thanks for your response. I had actually thought of doing that. I have paid in full for the hen party as I had assumed I was going until I found out about the appointment that could not be changed. So I rang the travel agents who it was booked through and they were looking an extra £120 to change flights on top of the £400 I have already spent…. It’s a nightmare.

yeah the first bride knows all about it and has been really supportive up until this point. It’s IVF treatment and it’s my egg retrieval that is going to fall on the date so my clinic have told me I’ll need to take a few days in bed afterwards and aren’t keen for me to fly!

@Dogmum15

Ahh I did wonder if it was that sort of treatment! Hopefully they should be more understanding if they know what you're doing - and if the clinic recommends bed rest that's probably for the best.

£120 is a lot on top of £400 just to change the flights! I'd be understanding in your friends position, I think she's probably just taking her disappointment out in the wrong direction and showing frustration.

Hope your retrieval goes well!

@rainraingoawaay yeah that’s probably it and stress of the wedding as well! I just wanted some opinions as to whether I was being out of order or not. I didn’t think so but sometimes you just need another opinion haha.

thank you very much :) I’m so nervous for it but it’ll be worth it hopefully x

How incredibly selfish of Hen 1 to be annoyed with you when you're going through IVF.
I'd be opting out altogether.