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Original poster

Declining wedding invite

17 replies

DoneWithHer · 01/05/2023 12:27

I have a large number of weddings coming up and I just don't want to go to them all. I've no valid reason, I really like the brides and grooms, get on well with them, can get childcare, etc. But I just don't want to go to some of them. It is killing me to have to fork out so much money to attend something I'm not really bothered about. Can I just decline without reason? Is that rude? Will the B&G care? Could it potentially end friendships? Any B&Gs out there that can give me their honest opinion, I'm not married so I've no idea.

OP posts:
MelchiorsMistress · 01/05/2023 12:32

I think people that like you enough to invite you to a full day at their wedding are likely to feel hurt if you just don’t want to go. Make up excuses to save any upset.

Darby3785 · 01/05/2023 12:32

Hi
just a bit of reassurance from a married person, people declined to come to our wedding and I still talk to them.
It's ok to say no if there are too many for you to reasonably go to.
I'd prioritise the B&Gs who probably mean the most to you and decline the rest.
When I got people declining their wedding invite they didn't give me a long reason they just sent me a regret card. Some sent us a wedding card through the post for the day also 😊 that might be a nice touch

Theraffarian · 01/05/2023 12:48

I’d be surprised if the B & G were offended . What I would say is most couples have a reserve list of people they would like to ask , so RSVP as soon as you can so they can ask someone else . Always nice to send a wedding card on the day as most people would still keep those .

Original poster
DoneWithHer · 01/05/2023 12:57

Yes I don't really want to have to come up with a long winded lie of an excuse. To be honest the ones that I am questioning I don't know if they do like me enough as an individual or if I'm invited by circumstance (e.g. Working on the same team) IYSWIM.

I think I'm over thinking their reaction, just need to make a call on it and RSVP.

Love the ideas about sending a wedding card too. Thanks everyone

OP posts:
Lcb123 · 01/05/2023 13:07

We got married last year and had a few politely written declines with no excuse. It didn’t really bother me, I’d rather guests didn’t come reluctantly! Most important is to decline early as you can, so they can adjust catering or invite others

Topseyt123 · 01/05/2023 13:07

They won't be offended, or I highly doubt it anyway. I wasn't offended by anyone who didn't come to our wedding. To be honest, it saved a bit of expense too.

UsingChangeofName · 01/05/2023 13:25

Yes, you can decline without reason.

Well, as long as it isn't your sister or someone similarly close.

It is most likely, if you are seeing people every day at work . weekly at wherever you know them from, at some point it will come up in conversation about what you are doing that day, as people will assume that is the reason, so you might want to think about what you say then. In that scenario, a white lie about already being committed to a family thing on that day when the invitation came.

Quite often though, if you aren't close and the B&G were inviting 'the whole team' then they might even be pleased as it frees up space for someone else they would have liked to invite.

All that said, if you really want to go, attending weddings don't usually have to cost a fortune.

Gymmum82 · 01/05/2023 13:28

If they are just work team mates then they aren’t going to be bothered. Just say unfortunately you already have plans or something. You don’t have to think up an elaborate excuse.
If it’s a close friend and an entire day event then maybe they would be more hurt. Ultimately no one is going to force you to go

WandaWonder · 01/05/2023 13:28

We were perfectly fine with a 'sorry can't make it'

Rather that than some long drawn out lecture some people seem to do these days because some aspect of the wedding is against something they have made up themselves

Batmanandbobbin · 01/05/2023 13:31

I got married last year and really did not give a flying hoot who came. My DH on the other hand took it personally. We only invited very close people, that’s why I think he took it so personal. I was under the opinion as long as he was there, everyone else was irrelevant.

I personally don’t think an excuse is needed, ‘sorry no I can’t make it’ should be enough. It is really dependent on their personality though. Also, let them know in enough time so they don’t have to pay for you.

WeWereInParis · 01/05/2023 13:34

I think you can decline without a reason. But for your colleague's wedding you may need to come up with a small lie simply because other people in the team will ask in a general small talk sort of way "its X's wedding this weekend, are you looking forward to it? Oh you're not going? That's a shame, how come?" They won't really care about the reason, but I don't think you can say "I just didn't want to".

Original poster
DoneWithHer · 01/05/2023 13:58

These are all really helpful responses, thanks everyone. Good to hear your perspectives!

No none of the weddings are immediate family, I'm not that bad 😅

Interested to hear how you can do weddings on the cheap @UsingChangeofName ... I'm already doing my own hair / makeup. I still have to give wedding gift (min of €100 per guest where I'm from so upwards of €200 if my DP comes), diesel costs and / or accommodation to get to them, outfit (will rewear same outfit to multiple so once I get one that will be fine), drink for the day even if I choose to drive I will still need some beverage and tbh the non-alcoholic drinks are as expensive as alcohol.....

OP posts:
drpet49 · 01/05/2023 14:07

Gymmum82 · 01/05/2023 13:28

If they are just work team mates then they aren’t going to be bothered. Just say unfortunately you already have plans or something. You don’t have to think up an elaborate excuse.
If it’s a close friend and an entire day event then maybe they would be more hurt. Ultimately no one is going to force you to go

This. Just prioritise whose weddings you are close to. Colleagues wedding would be bottom of the list

2bazookas · 01/05/2023 14:36

The polite inoffensive way to decline is to reply

"Thanks for the invitation, I regret I'm not free that weekend. "

All good wishes for the future"

No reason or excuses required.

Original poster
DoneWithHer · 01/05/2023 18:08

2bazookas · 01/05/2023 14:36

The polite inoffensive way to decline is to reply

"Thanks for the invitation, I regret I'm not free that weekend. "

All good wishes for the future"

No reason or excuses required.

This is perfect. Thank you

OP posts:
SparkyBlue · 01/05/2023 19:04

Honestly they will be delighted to get a few regrets. Just say you are unavailable that weekend. Send a regret card and closer to the day send a card with a small gift.

Fleetw00d · 02/05/2023 20:47

I'm getting married soon and wouldn't feel offended, unless you were my bridesmaid or something haha! So don't worry, don't go to the ones you're not fussed about life is too short to spend your weekends doing something you CBA to do

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