Disagreeing!!

[boymama82]

My fiancé and I have been engaged for 4 years. We booked a wedding then I fell pregnant so we cancelled and lost the £1,000 deposit, I then lost the baby and had another 2 miscarriages. Fast forward and have 2 happy and healthy sons and own our own home in our dream village. We have booked our wedding at a farm round the corner in august this year. The important thing to me is simply to be married so I share a name with him and our sons and are a 'proper' family. I wanted to do a registry office with my parents and his mum and then just a party afterwards but he's said as he never thought he would marry he wants to do it properly, fine!

We paid £3.250 for the farm and it has nothing except a ceremony room (empty!) and a barn (empty) so we have to do everything, hire tables and chairs, all decorations, find our own caterers and bar etc. we've got caterers and bar, have started making our own decorations (hula hoops, fake flowers and battery candles!) BUT we're butting heads on things! I have said I won't have bridesmaids as I don't think it's necessary but fiancé wants a best man, totally fine with me but he's said he can wear what he wants as there's no rules! Surely to god the best man should wear a suit that slightly resembles fiancé????! Is it me?

Our wider family have had lots of weddings, each one individual to what the couple wanted. I’m a firm believer that their wedding is one day in their lives when the bride and groom can have whatever they want (within the budget) and no one should criticise this.

You and your partner should discuss what is really important to you both about the wedding. You could, for example, each choose 3 aspects that you’d like to be the way you envisage. After that, divide up responsibilities so you’re not arguing about details. Unless you’re going to choose ‘the groom/best man outfits’ as one of your top 3, the groom and best man should be able to sort out what they wear without anyone else butting in. Otherwise, you’ll drive each other mad.

Sounds like it’s going to be a great wedding, so congratulations and good luck.

DH married in uniform... his best man was in a suit. It didn't matter in the slightest they didn't "match". We got the main men (our fathers, best man, ushers and brothers) ties in the wedding "colour" to wear.

Why does it matter?
Will it make a difference to the success of your marriage?

No it won't make a difference you're right, I just wanted to get married but now we've ended up with a huge empty space from Friday to Sunday and a whole shitload of organising to do! We gave a 1 and 2 year old so time and money is precious!

We just told DH's brother to turn up looking smart in a suit.

It turned out his definition of smart was more like our idea of unacceptably casual.

But whatever, we still got married!

I found planning a wedding was a good way to fall out with a large number of people in a very short space of time, even you are determined not to be a Bridezilla.

Huh? I thought groom wears a suit, best man wears a suit, and if something needs to match, it's the flowers for buttonholes. They definitely don't need to wear matching suits, that would look like some really naff boy band. You are getting married on a farm and celebrating in a barn, keep it real and low-key. Spend the money on things that make a difference, like decent food and live music.

Friday to Sunday? Sounds like your wedding is gonna be a money drain... How did you get from registry office to this? Do people have to attend for the weekend?

Reason I didn’t have a wedding is because I didn’t want to organize one. It’s actually a massive project. And there will be loads of difference of opinion on tiny details.

We just wanted the wedding at the farm but they don't do many weddings so they give u access from 2pm Friday including 4 accommodations that sleep 2. We can't have glass or naked flames either!!🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

You’re obviously finding this all very stressful and I sympathise. Forget about what the best man wears. It isn’t important.

one reason for having bridesmaids is if they will help you with the organizing - you are getting a team of friends involved who could help out. but make sure they know what they are getting into.

wedding in a barn sounds lovely - some tables, some booze, some food, some music and everyone will be happy.

None of it matters except that you get married at the end of the day. And if you’re spending that much money that you have a great party!

Make it a barn dance. Small Hay bales to sit on with blankets. Hire a hog roast or a chip/curry van paper plates, beer barrel and wine boxes, plastic glasses. Big urn for tea and coffee. Bunting and disco, line dancing etc. Throw the wellie competition for children. Make it a truly relaxed party.
Congratulations and best wishes for your future.

We're having a wedding on a smaller budget and we've thrown all our money at the things guests care about; nice relaxed venue, great food and a brilliant band. I'm not paying for the best man and groomsmen to wear matching suits, they are wearing their own with a buttonhole; we save money and they'll be more comfortable in their own suits anyway, win win.

Write a list of traditional 'weddingy' things and go through with a highlight and highlight all the items you/your guests will care about, cross out all the things that don't.

On the candle front, flameless candles? The pillar type with the LED buried inside look nice.

Boymama82, with just an empty (though very nice) venue, it must feel like there’s a lot to do and more costs for you to bear. You could ask the venue staff for recommendations for hire of chairs, catering, flowers, table decorations etc. You could then approach the recommended companies and ask for a discounted price. This would reduce the workload and help with the budget.

Hope you’re also making use of the rooms and offering extra ones to your closest friends and family.