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Original poster

Hen party disaster ..so upset

21 replies

C12 · 24/02/2023 19:07

I don't know why I'm writing this maybe it's just to see what other people would do, advice or whatever.
So I have 3 maid of honours (probably my first big mistake)
One is my sister the other two friends who are sisters.
Let's call then x and y
Well x decided a year im advance to go ahead and pick dates for a hen (without checking with anyone) got my other half to book time off work and picked location
She picked 2 things but wasnt much so my sister who lives in that location which Is about 40 mins from where the rest of us live decided to put more to it as not much else was planned or being organised. X then decided she wasn't coming and was going to plan something else which I said I didn't want as I only want one hen. Then she again at another point Said she wasn't coming bevause her original idea had been taken out my sister offered to put it back in and change things she said not to. A month before the hen and my sister said it's time to pay and both x and y don't have the money and have now dropped out even though they both knew over a year ago about it, not only this their mum is going on her hen a week or two after for a week abroad and they can both afford to do/paid for that which is probably 4x the amount mine was and x isn't even in the wedding party for her mums. They don't seem to give much of a shit how hurt I am. Just feel so upset they pulled out at the very last minute. Am I over reacting? How would you feel?

OP posts:
iklboo · 24/02/2023 19:20

it, not only this their mum is going on her hen a week or two after for a week abroad and they can both afford to do/paid for that which is probably 4x the amount mine was

Of course they're going to prioritise their own mother's arrangements over yours.

PotKettel · 24/02/2023 19:23

Id be upset too as presumably they haven’t found out about their mum’s hen last minute and even if they did they should have told their mum they had other commitments

LivingDeadGirlUK · 24/02/2023 19:25

What shitty friends, I hope you still have a lovely time with your sister and your mates.

GoodChat · 24/02/2023 19:27

They have to prioritise their mom, and hers is probably the reason they no longer have the money they would have had.

It's a shame but not the end of the world assuming there are others coming too?

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 24/02/2023 19:28

It sounds like they tried to do something nice, your sister took over and now everything is costing too much for them?
Obviously they will prioritise their mums hen do regardless of if they're in the wedding party, but it is shitty that they've let you down last minute.

Thoughtful2355 · 24/02/2023 19:30

Live and learn. Should only have 1 maid of honour of course or at least delegate jobs and make sure no one steps on each others toes.

autienotnaughty · 24/02/2023 19:31

Who did you ask to organise then hen? It sounds like a lot of miscommunication but agree it's poor they pulled out.

MumOf2workOptions · 24/02/2023 19:32

Perhaps their mum is paying for that??
Either way it's not very nice.
Just organise a night out, invite who you want and if they don't want to come then they don't
Job done

BaroldFromEastenders · 24/02/2023 19:38

Why have you got 3 maid of honours? Are there other bridesmaids as well?

iam45 · 24/02/2023 19:43

Do you expect them to prioritise you over their mum? Why?

gazpachosoupday · 24/02/2023 20:00

To me that reads that X pulled out ages ago

Is it possible, that they knew about their mum's hen do, to try book something that she knew she could afford for yours, and you sister has come in added a load of extras and made in unaffordable for both of them?

LIZS · 24/02/2023 20:01

Naturally they will prioritise spending on their mum's do. Sounds as of your dsis made it more complicated rather than less, why did they not coordinate ideas? How near the wedding are you?

NerrSnerr · 24/02/2023 20:09

What was organised for your hen do? How much would it have cost per person?

They'll of course need to go to their mum's party.

keepcalm11 · 24/02/2023 20:11

The situation sounds as if it all got very complicated. I would try not to be upset and enjoy what has been planned with those who will be there.

SleepingStandingUp · 24/02/2023 20:16

It does sound rather messy.

So X decided she was planning it all but didn't plan enough according to the others so your sister didn't just ADD to it but completely undid all X's work and preplanned it?

No wonder X is upset.

And sounds like now it's probably far more expensive.

Will x and Y pulling out mean it can't go ahead because of numbers or make it more expensive for those that go?

How engaged are they in the rest of the wedding?

Indecisivebynature · 24/02/2023 20:35

I’m surprised hen and stag parties that are a weekend and activities are still a thing tbh.

i thought a lot of people were going to back to a simplified ‘night out’ or ‘afternoon tea’ or something.

I would simplify it, make it cheaper, shorter, and enjoy the evening with those that can be bothered to come.

monomatapea · 24/02/2023 20:38

You're being massively unreasonable. Of course they'll prioritise their mums wedding.

Just drop them from being maid of honour.

Justalittlebitduckling · 24/02/2023 20:40

This sort of thing seems to happen a lot with hen parties. I ended up in a similar three,
organising one with two very strong personalities who both wanted to take charge and disagreed on everything so I was in the position of always being the casting vote. Did she get deposits before booking? Just cancel the whole thing and go for a nice meal.

Withnailandeye · 24/02/2023 20:55

Organise what you want to organise, you are a grown up. I hate the idea that it’s ok to pile stress and jobs on your “friends” because you are getting married. If you want a hen do, just organise what you want and invite people.

Lovahotchoc · 24/02/2023 21:16

This is madness, who needs all this stress? For mine I went to the pub with some mates, sat outside by canal on a nice summer evening and drank too much wine, had a laugh, no planning at all except picking a day and deciding what time to get there! 27 years ago now but fond memories of a fun, relaxed, stress free evening!

StClare101 · 24/02/2023 22:00

Drop them as bridesmaid’s. They sound useless.

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