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Original poster

Did you still have a wedding if you don't have friends?

21 replies

woowootarget · 22/02/2023 11:15

I have been to a few weddings in the last 6 months. They all have been beautiful.

I'd love to have a wedding like one that I have been to, but I hardly have any friends!!

What would you do? I honestly would have my best friend and her partner and maybe a few others and their partners but it wouldn't be more than ten!!

Family wise; 5-7?

My partner has lots of people that he knows due to his line of work and close friends. But I'd be so embarrassed not having many of my friends and family there.

Would you just elope?

OP posts:

Pr1mr0se · 22/02/2023 11:24

You should invite who you want at your wedding. The number of people there is irrelevant. Don't let the numbers bother you. If it is overshadowing the event planning for you then go abroad to get married or find somewhere exclusive where you can't have many guests.

Liveandforget · 22/02/2023 11:24

I'd be in your shoes if I ever get married again.. here's hoping I meet the right one!

I have some friends, but not much family who would come, so inviting friends would make me feel sad that my family weren't there if you know what I mean.
I've thought a lot about my 'next' wedding, and decided yes I still want a beautiful big enough day, I will not compromise on that. I want a day to celebrate us, and have lovely pics to look back on, even if its just his family and friends.

If you've been to a few weddings, sounds like you have friends/family/colleagues who would come if invited? I've been invited to a few weddings where i didn't know the couple very well but was flattered to be invited and delighted to go. If you invite people, they might also love to come.

Congratulations, really hope you have a wonderful day thats just right for you.

Eastereggsboxedupready · 22/02/2023 11:26

We had a registry office wedding. Then a posh meal at home (ds is a chef!) 2 friends between us and just my dc. Prob less than 15 of us! A lovely day! And I wore a proper dress!

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 22/02/2023 11:29

There were 7 people at my civil partnership ceremony.
2dc, 2 witnesses, my dad, myself and my partner.

Keeping it under 8 people meant we got to use a lovely room for free.
It also meant we were able to focus on what we wanted on the day rather than worrying about the needs of lots of guests.
And also, everyone had a role - my dad and dd shared a reading, ds did the music, one witness took photos, one did some practical things. That made me feel much less self-conscious.

I had a fairly big wedding before and really didn't like it. I felt too 'on display'.
And there were lots of dramas which spoiled things a lot.

Snoopystick · 22/02/2023 11:29

No need to be embarrassed - think a lot of people in hindsight would rather have a small intimate wedding rather than a massive reception etc.

Justfolditin · 22/02/2023 11:34

We had a small wedding of around 30 (the pandemic was a great excuse 😂). Luckily I have lots of family so they came, but didn't have any friends as bridesmaids, didn't have a hen do, and the two friends I did invite didn't come which kind of proved they weren't actually my friends! Nevertheless I had a great day with my husband which is all that matters! I'd do it smaller if I had my time again.

Choconut · 22/02/2023 11:34

We eloped, it was wonderful.

C4ou56 · 22/02/2023 11:36

I wanted a small wedding so went with a venue that specialised in this. There are lots to choose from.

Xrays · 22/02/2023 11:38

We had a very small wedding. About 20 people I think. We still wanted a big day thing so went with a posh country hotel who did a nice package for us, they put us into a small room with the chairs spread out so I still had a walk down the aisle (!) and then afterwards we had a lovely sit down meal round a large round table which was nice. Still had a big dress, wedding cake cutting etc etc. Weddings can be whatever you make them really.

OutofEverything · 22/02/2023 12:01

We just had a tiny thing with 2 friends. I have friends, it was that I knew family would not come from my side that stopped me having a big wedding. DHs family would have come but I would have just been sad with nobody from my side. So I do know how you feel.

gogohmm · 22/02/2023 12:13

Invite who you would like. Don't feel you need a balance of guests each, don't feel you need to have lots of bridesmaids - just do what makes you happy. If that's a bigger wedding go for it

KimmySchmitt · 24/02/2023 15:45

Sit and make a proper guest list. I felt like you but once I actually sat down and wrote a list of family, friends, plus ones, and parents' friends they wanted to come, I had quite a long list. You might be surprised. Also we're not doing sides, my fiance has loads of friends but I'm friendly with them/their girlfriends too so they're coming as our guests, not his guests. Even if you did sides and had 20 of your guests and 40 of his, 60 day guests is still a reasonable number for day guests. If you want a big wedding don't let that put you off! But equally small intimate weddings can be amazing too.

ditalini · 24/02/2023 15:50

Small weddings are amazing! I've had a good time at big weddings, and my own wedding was 100+, but the very BEST weddings I've been to were small weddings.

If your dh agrees, then I think it's completely reasonable to work out your numbers and then ask him to make his list roughly the same size - no need to invite people for the sake of it, just the people you'd like to be there (which may mean his list is a bit bigger if he's a social person and has a larger group that are important to him).

Then work out what sort of celebration would suit your numbers - all round one table in the private room of a restaurant for a meal? Down the pub for drinks and quiz night? Ceremony and then all back to yours / friend or family with garden for a buffet and bubbles? Function room somewhere local? Picnic in the park?

readingismycardio · 24/02/2023 16:11

I know our wedding may seem large to you (86 people) but it's considered v small where we live. We used the pandemic as an excuse and it was amazing! And the best weddings I've been to were small, 20-50. Marriage and weddings are about you and your partner.

Aphrathestorm · 24/02/2023 16:15

When I used to think about such things I wouldn't have had more than 30 to invite and that would be scraping the barrel.

And not everyone invited will come...

I'm guessing this is why some elope/just do small weddings.

Deucebumps · 24/02/2023 16:31

I could have written your post! We are planning our wedding and writing up the guest list so that we know what size venue we need has forced me to confront the fact that I only have one proper friend to invite (hopefully she'll be my bridesmaid!) whereas DP has a big friendship group where it's an 'invite all of them or none of them' kind of situation - I know he wants them there so having a really small reception isn't an option.

It's so stupid when all that actually matters is that we get married, but I feel very anxious that I'll be judged for not having a group of friends there - and also that the family friends I want to invite, won't accept for whatever reason, and then it would literally just be my parents, brother and friend on my side, and 40 people on DPs

ShippingNews · 24/02/2023 16:36

No need to feel embarrassed about numbers - it's your wedding, do what makes you happy. We had 18 at our wedding, which included our families and two friends. We had a registry office wedding and then went to our local "posh restaurant" for lunch. It was lovely !

ginslinger · 24/02/2023 16:44

I had a small wedding - it was fabulous

UsingChangeofName · 25/02/2023 22:21

I wouldn't deprive my family, my friends, and my dp's family and dp's friends of a wedding for that reason, no.
Nobody is counting who knew who first. When I am at a wedding, I have no idea who was first known to the bride, who was first known to the groom, who is related, and who are friends (unless they choose to do photos that way). But even if I did perceive from the photos that the bride only has 7 relations and the groom has 31 relations, it wouldn't occur to me to think anything of that. I mean, why would you feel judged for not having a big family ?
When they took the "friends" photo, then it tends to be all friends in together anyway, so no-one would be aware how many of them were originally your friends and how many were originally your dh's friends.

Have the wedding you both want, with the people you both want to be there. No-one is going to be counting where people are from.

Bez727 · 03/03/2023 23:05

I’m getting married this September in the same boat really not many friends. Where getting married in registry office and then a venue for night doo after I have being thinking don’t know what the point in the night venue was with hardly no one being there but I suppose it’s what you make it

FakeBilly · 03/03/2023 23:09

I have lots of friends and family, as does DH, but we still got married in jeans with two witnesses in a registry office because that’s what we wanted to do. Do exactly what you want.

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