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Original poster

I really don't want to be a Brideszilla but my venue is ignoring us...

15 replies

SafeMove · 15/02/2023 16:42

Our wedding is June this year. We booked it last July, they took our deposit and the events coordinator at the time seemed helpful and sent all the relevant menus etc. to us and told us she would be in touch to arrange a meeting. So we booked our registrar, who then proceeded to ask us in September if the venue was still doing weddings?! Long story short the venue had changed hands and all staff we had dealt with initially had gone.

Eventually after quite a bit of chasing the new events coordinator got in touch. We met her in November and she was understandably flustered as she had just taken over and didn't know the answer to very simple questions such as can we have a live band, confetti etc. We were also told initially on booking we could have 50 people to the ceremony and up to 150 in the evening. She changed this to 30 in the day. I put my foot down and said we have more than 30 family and we all compromised at 40. Since then we have had little to no communication from her. we haven't had a cost breakdown, a contract, we don't know if we are allowed candles, don't know the size of the tables. I have sent her a few text messages that have gone unanswered.

She's still very active on the venue's social media, has planned a wedding fair there etc so is working. It feels like we are booked so she can just forget us. It's just under 4 months to our wedding and I am starting to panic a bit. I am thinking of sending a strongly worded email but am I being unreasonable? I am fuming about being ignored tbh. What communication have you had from your venue? Written and verbal? Just want to gauge if this is normal or not. This is thousands of pounds of our money we are spending here so is it unreasonable to expect answers the questions?

OP posts:

007DoubleOSeven · 15/02/2023 16:54

Yanbu presumably you have paid a lot for this

rexythedinosaur · 15/02/2023 16:57

YANBU at all. That sounds incredibly stressful!

In your position I would be having some very strong words and expressing my concern directly to a manager, not just your event coordinator.

You have paid money in good faith. Of course things change sometimes which are out of the venue's hands, but you would expect good communication with something as important as a wedding.

Our wedding was delayed twice because of Covid, our venue were in a complete flap about what to do, but there was good communication throughout.

On another note, I hate the word 'bridezilla', with an image of a hysterical woman going over the top about everything. It's completely unhelpful and anti-feminist, making out that if you don't just lie back and go along with everything you are some kind of hysterical crazy person.

It's your wedding and it's important, so ignore this stupid word and don't even let it enter your radar!

surreygirl1987 · 15/02/2023 17:07

Omg definitely speak to a manager! You are paying for a service and sounds like you're not getting it!

drpet49 · 15/02/2023 17:09

“We were also told initially on booking we could have 50 people to the ceremony and up to 150 in the evening. She changed this to 30 in the day. I put my foot down and said we have more than 30 family and we all compromised at 40”

^This was your first red flag. I would have found a different venue

wormshuffled · 15/02/2023 17:13

Make some passive aggressive noise on the social media posts.

Mischance · 15/02/2023 17:18

Contact and organise a meeting with them. If no reply, just give them a date when you are planning to turn up.

Or ..... go on their facebook page and send them a message on the open forum saying what is happening and insisting on a meeting immediately. .

Original poster

SafeMove · 15/02/2023 17:22

@drpet49 we had already paid the deposit by that point. But in hindsight we should have.

Everything has changed to the chef, the staff etc. We put it down to teething troubles.

@rexythedinosaur good point about the Bridezilla thing. It IS misogyny and I should know this.

It isn't the most expensive venue in the world but we will be paying more than 5k to them which to us is a lot of money which we have saved hard for in the last year.

OP posts:

Im99912 · 15/02/2023 17:48

I would reply on SM and ask why aren’t they replying to your emails 😂

Pearfacebananapoop · 15/02/2023 17:51

Do you have a contract? Are the numbers listed in that?

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 15/02/2023 18:16

I would be sending a solicitor's letter at this stage. You have paid a deposit and now they are changing the rules. Mention that your registrar asked if the venue was still doing weddings.
Its not that long to July. five months. You need to nail down the details now in writing or get your deposit back.

Original poster

SafeMove · 15/02/2023 18:42

I rang them and got shirty. We have a meeting a week on Saturday now. We have nothing in writing. No contract. No costings. I have just worked out the 5k myself from menus, wine lists etc.

Asked about candles on the phone and she said 'Err I am going to say no because we had a big wedding on NYE and loads of kids were running round knocking them over'. The youngest child we are having is 11. The wedding is in June. Just over 3 months away!

OP posts:

Edthehorse · 16/02/2023 16:12

Oh god how stressful for you! Absolutely not OK to ha e that little communication.

We had initial meeting, were sent a contract, attended a wedding showcase, have booked a menu tasting and probably 20 emails all of which have been responded to within a few days and our wedding isn't until September.

So no, not acceptable and I'm not surprised you got shirty!

I hope you feel better after the meeting. Make a long list of everything you want answered and make sure you get a breakdown of costs

Hairgician · 16/02/2023 16:55

Turn up unannounced and insist on meeting the manager. Not the coordinator. Its what id do.
And the other option as said by pp too to get vocal on their fb page. Hope you get sorted.
You are being too nice and they are taking the piss.

LittleOwl153 · 17/02/2023 11:08

I would be looking at getting everything finalised on Saturday or more likely getting your deposit back. They do not sound like they will pull off a great job for you sadly.

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 18/02/2023 15:59

I'm sorry you're having this stress with your venue. Not having anything pinned down in writing with 3 months to go is ringing alarm bells here. We had regular meetings from when we booked, with everything written down, and by 3 months out we had everything sorted with the venue - menu, table decs etc. I really hope you get everything sorted in writing when you meet with the venue next week. Tbh I'd be looking for an alternative just in case.

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