Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Weddings

Chat to other Mumsnetters on our Wedding forum.

Flip

Original poster

Asking someone I don't know that well to be a bridesmaid

19 replies

EllaBella41 · 02/02/2023 20:13

I got engaged a few months ago and I have started thinking about bridesmaids. I do have a long term friend I am close to but she can be unreliable and we have drifted apart a little bit. I have also made 2 new friends in a new hobby but I haven't ever met with them outside of the hobby.

Would it be weird for me to ask them to be bridesmaids even though I dont know them that well? I feel a bit rubbish that I dont have that many friends to choose from.

OP posts:

thattravelphotographer · 02/02/2023 20:20

I was in a similar position, and up until a month or two before the wedding I wasn't actually going to have any bridesmaids. Then (because I thought I "had to" have one) I asked the person I'd known the longest despite the fact we were all ready drifting apart and honest truth the last time I saw her was our wedding day! I have since given everyone else the same advice: chose the people that when you look back at your wedding photos in 5, 10, 20 years time you are still close to. And don't feel you have to conform and have any bridesmaids at all!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/02/2023 20:22

I think it’s a bit strange tbh/ I just wouldn’t have bridesmaids, it’s not compulsory at all

Original poster

EllaBella41 · 02/02/2023 20:24

I just feel so down about the fact that I don't even have that many guests and to not have any bridesmaids would just cement it

OP posts:

Luana1 · 02/02/2023 20:28

It could completely weird them out and they might back off especially if you’ve never seen them outside the hobby. Being a bridesmaid usually involves time and money that they may not be willing to invest in someone they don’t (yet) know that well. I think better not to have any bridesmaids than ask new acquaintances. I’m sure you’ll have a wonderful wedding bridesmaids or not!

thetrees · 02/02/2023 20:30

You don't need a bridesmaid. I'd only want people who I feel completely comfortable with in that role, not someone I don't know that well.

Yoyooo · 02/02/2023 20:32

Elope!

Just have a small wedding abroad with just family

Johnnysgirl · 02/02/2023 20:33

No, just don't have bridesmaids. It'll be fine.

ShittyPeasantsFromHampshire · 02/02/2023 20:35

I think it would be a bit weird tbh. Do without bridesmaids and groomsmen, keep it all chic and casual. Or yes, elope!

Siepie · 02/02/2023 20:36

Do you need to ask them now? If they're people you'd be interested in being friends with, you could try meeting up outside the hobby to see if you get on, and then ask them in a couple of months.

Burgerqueenbee · 02/02/2023 20:38

I didn't have any bridesmaids by choice, it was fine - are there any children you could have as a flower girl instead if you would like that?

DialsMavis · 02/02/2023 20:39

I didn't have adult bridesmaids, we couldn't afford it and I wouldn't like the fuss, it was fine! I doubt anyone judged me, but if they did I would see it as my error for inviting the wrong people to my wedding

crumpet · 02/02/2023 20:39

I didn’t have any grown up bridesmaids. A couple of children instead

daretodenim · 02/02/2023 20:44

I didn't have bridesmaids. I had a (sort of) flower girl. From what I can tell, having bridesmaid(s) just ads stress to something that should be fun. Yes, there can be fun times too, but there is also extra stress.

The thing to focus on is to have people around you who will actually celebrate you. One person like that is far better than a bunch of people you barely know. If you have fun at the wedding, your guests will. So don't worry about not having bridesmaids (for photos..) and focus on making your celebration fun for you.

If you spend your time trying to make your wedding fit into a mould, it's not going to be that enjoyable.

Tabitha888 · 02/02/2023 20:45

Don't fake it for your wedding day it isn't about that.. it's about the man/women you are marrying. Remember that x

SleepingisanArt · 02/02/2023 20:46

I didn't have bridesmaids and our guest list was 30 people (mainly family). It was great and so much less stress than some of my friends huge weddings with bridesmaid strife (hair colour, getting pregnant, falling out etc).

toomuchlaundry · 02/02/2023 20:49

I didn’t have bridesmaids, didn’t want a fussy wedding. Had 40 guests. It was fine. Had my DM and godmother with me when getting ready

ShittyPeasantsFromHampshire · 02/02/2023 20:52

On the bright side it's great that you've made two new friends. Hopefully those friendships will flourish and enhance your life. Especially when you've been used to having just one kinda flaky friend.

Mummyof287 · 02/02/2023 20:55

EllaBella41 · 02/02/2023 20:13

Would it be weird for me to ask them to be bridesmaids even though I dont know them that well? I feel a bit rubbish that I dont have that many friends to choose from.

I think you need people you have a very strong relationship with at least, even if it's not a particularly long one I think it needs to be long and close enough that you know them properly.
Are there not any females either side of the family you could ask? Or young/ little girls who could be flowergirls and just have them and no adult bridesmaids?

otterlyr · 07/02/2023 16:13

Having bridesmaids honestly just adds a load of unnecessary stress.

I didn't have any and I had an amazing day.

Don't choose someone for the sake of it - it will feel weird and awkward.

Flip