Need to uninvite guests to wedding

[MgSO4]

I'm in need of advice

My wedding is in a month and due to serious problems on my dads side of the family I will now need to uninvite a large number of family members.

There is a very real risk that tempers will flair at the wedding and I simply cannot take the risk of the day being ruined or the venue having to deal with problems.

Any advice on how I go about it and has anyone else had any similar situations in the past.

I'm absolutely furious and will lose thousands due to cancelled places etc...but I need peace of mind on my wedding day.

Would the troublesome guests decline to come anyway instead of you having to uninvite them?

Send them all a letter - the same letter to each one - saying something like...

Dear X

I am so sorry but due to unforeseen circumstances we are no longer able to host you at our wedding. We have had to make a huge reduction to the guest list. We sincerely hope to be able to celebrate with you at a later date and send you our very best wishes.

Are you able to tell us more about the situation so we can advise? Like, are they likely to expect this or to be surprised and upset?

It’s unlikely unfortunately

There are ongoing toxic relationships between various family members. Certain family members have become very nasty recently causing other guests to voluntarily pull out. I don’t think it will come as a shock but some will be upset.

Can you cancel completely and then redo on a much smaller scale at a later date - would this make financial sense?

I like this, might this work, OP?

I would send a message to each person to say that unfortunately due to recent events we have made the decision to reduce numbers for the wedding. That as difficult as this decision has been to remove them from the guest list that you hope they understand that you wish for your wedding day to remain about your and DP relationship and future. Hope that in due course we can celebrate with you another time.

I can’t see this going down well! They’ll be fuming. Can’t you just tell everyone to behave themselves for one day?

Ive already started to draft a message to send out and these suggestions of what to say are very helpful.

I wish I could just tell them to behave but it’s unlikely to make a difference. It’s my own fault really for trying to be inclusive of family with a history of acting up at family events and trying to be peace maker. I’ve definitely learnt my lesson.

Are you sure they wouldn't just turn up at the reception anyway?

its a possibility one or two might but unlikely. At least I really hope not.

Are you going to upgrade some of your evening guests to day guests so you don't lose money on the wedding breakfast? Or allow children or plus ones to attend to make up the places?

We were never having any evening guests. Current remaining guests already have +1s and no children to bring. Guess everyone can eat double 🤦🏽‍♀️