Question on children!

Whatnextarghhhhhh · 03/01/2023 15:14

Probably easier to keep it simple and just have no kids, but I do remember as a child going to evening receptions to join my parents who has been there all day. It can’t be a bit of a faff for people though depending on location.

GoldenCupidon · 03/01/2023 15:16

I think that would be a bit weird and rude, to say one lot of guests can bring their children and another lot can't.

If you're happy to have kids there in the evening just tell everyone that, that way the day guests can also get their kids along in the evening if they want to.

WestBridgewater · 03/01/2023 15:29

Someone close enough to you to be invited to your wedding ceremony can’t bring their children but someone who you only want to invite to the reception can bring the kids for a kneeslide on the dance floor and a sausage roll.

Er, your day, your way and all that. But this will definitely upset some people.

Original poster

HunkieDorie · 03/01/2023 16:34

@WestBridgewater no that's not what I meant I think you've read my post wrong ...

OP posts:

cupofdecaf · 03/01/2023 16:38

There would be day guests that couldn't come so be prepared for that. Do you have close family with young children that you would want at the wedding for example?
Also would you not have any flowers girls etc?
But yes if the evening guests can bring kids but the day guests can't that's going to be really upsetting and confusing for people. Is it down to numbers and cost?

ShirleyPhallus · 03/01/2023 16:39

Oooh, children at weddings and two tier invitations, get your hard hat on OP

personally I think your day your choice, but the vibe would definitely change if you have a nice child free day then a load of kids turn up in the evening. I personally really dislike wedding dance floors with kids on when the parents always gaze adoringly at their child doing knee slides across the floor when the rest of us are wishing they were in bed

jve also been to events where I’ve organised childcare for my own only to find there are kids there anyway which is a bit irritating, I think child free should mean child free with the exception of wedding party

but your day, your choice ultimately

Polkadotpolkadot · 03/01/2023 16:44

HunkieDorie · 03/01/2023 16:34

@WestBridgewater no that's not what I meant I think you've read my post wrong ...

But that is what you're saying. Assuming your day guests are the most special people to you and you want them there for the whole thing, but they can't bring their kids. Your guests you only want coming to the evening can bring kids. That makes no sense. Or are you saying day guests can then have their children join them later? That seems complicated for them.

FlounderingFruitcake · 03/01/2023 16:46

Sorry but how is @WestBridgewater wrong? The way I’m reading it, the children of your day guests would not be invited but the children of your evening guests would be and most people invite their closest friends/family to day whilst evening invites are people they’re less close to e.g. work colleagues. So my interpretation would be the same and it does risk offending people. Unless we’ve got it wrong - can you clarify?

Regardless though, the best thing to do is to be consistent. So no kid’s under 12 (or whatever). But I’d strongly consider make an exception for babies in arms, as they’re not easy to leave esp if breastfeeding, don’t require a meal and are unlikely to be disruptive.

Beamur · 03/01/2023 16:53

Ultimately it's up to you.
But, if you also look at this from the perspective of your guests - how many of your potential guests have kids? Are they travelling far? Family/friends?
Some people like the opportunity to have a night away from their kids, but this depends on having reliable and affordable childcare. Easier maybe if you're going home at the end of the event, perhaps less so if you're staying over somewhere.
Inviting some kids and not others is fraught with the potential to give offence.
Babies are the hardest to leave with someone else.
Personally I think you go with all or none. I didn't have day/evening guests and everyone's kids were invited. The space we had allowed plenty of room for kids to play and there was a table with lots of crafts and small toys, plus a face painter and kid friendly disco during the day. Crucially we have kids, so it suited us to have that kind of wedding.

WestBridgewater · 03/01/2023 16:59

HunkieDorie · 03/01/2023 16:34

@WestBridgewater no that's not what I meant I think you've read my post wrong ...

I’ve just re read it. I must be misunderstanding as to me that says If we decide not to invite children to the day no children to the day
is it seen as rude if we invite the couples in the evening also allowing THEIR kids? couples in the evening can bring their kids
So evening guests would have their kids but day guests wouldn't ?
that says day guests wouldn’t have children and evening guests would

I don’t know if it’s my punctuating your post or your punctuation. Maybe it’s been a long day and I’m just not reading it right 😩 am I being too literal? I keep rereading but that’s all I get 🫣

WestBridgewater · 03/01/2023 17:01

@FlounderingFruitcake @Polkadotpolkadot I’m glad it’s not just me 🤪

ShirleyPhallus · 03/01/2023 17:03

WestBridgewater · 03/01/2023 16:59

I’ve just re read it. I must be misunderstanding as to me that says If we decide not to invite children to the day no children to the day
is it seen as rude if we invite the couples in the evening also allowing THEIR kids? couples in the evening can bring their kids
So evening guests would have their kids but day guests wouldn't ?
that says day guests wouldn’t have children and evening guests would

I don’t know if it’s my punctuating your post or your punctuation. Maybe it’s been a long day and I’m just not reading it right 😩 am I being too literal? I keep rereading but that’s all I get 🫣

Show quote history

This is how I read it. Day guests = no children invited, evening guests = children invited

FlounderingFruitcake · 03/01/2023 17:27

WestBridgewater · 03/01/2023 16:59

I’ve just re read it. I must be misunderstanding as to me that says If we decide not to invite children to the day no children to the day
is it seen as rude if we invite the couples in the evening also allowing THEIR kids? couples in the evening can bring their kids
So evening guests would have their kids but day guests wouldn't ?
that says day guests wouldn’t have children and evening guests would

I don’t know if it’s my punctuating your post or your punctuation. Maybe it’s been a long day and I’m just not reading it right 😩 am I being too literal? I keep rereading but that’s all I get 🫣

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Exactly! If OP means something else then I’m not seeing it either.

southlondoner02 · 03/01/2023 18:03

I think it means everyone can have their kids in the evening, day and evening guests, but no kids in the day.

Would your guests be coming far? Would they be able to go home and bring their kids if they wanted to?

Have never heard of this before but then haven't been to many weddings where there are day and evening guests, so maybe it's a thing?

Mojoj · 03/01/2023 18:06

No kids at all. They're a total pain at weddings.

MajorCarolDanvers · 03/01/2023 18:11

What are the day guests meant to do with their children during the day when they are not allowed?

Your OP is quite confusing btw

Either invite kids or don't but don't be upset when some people decline.

MissMarplesbag · 03/01/2023 18:17

I have just declined an invitation to a child free wedding and the couple are most put out. This is not my problem, they've chosen not to have children & I've chosen not to attend. As long as you accept people's choice not to attend due to the child ban then crack on.

VogueDarling · 03/01/2023 18:23

WestBridgewater · 03/01/2023 16:59

I’ve just re read it. I must be misunderstanding as to me that says If we decide not to invite children to the day no children to the day
is it seen as rude if we invite the couples in the evening also allowing THEIR kids? couples in the evening can bring their kids
So evening guests would have their kids but day guests wouldn't ?
that says day guests wouldn’t have children and evening guests would

I don’t know if it’s my punctuating your post or your punctuation. Maybe it’s been a long day and I’m just not reading it right 😩 am I being too literal? I keep rereading but that’s all I get 🫣

Show quote history

I've read it exactly as you have @WestBridgewater

So no day guests can bring children

But considering inviting children of the evening guests

littlegingerone · 03/01/2023 19:08

When we were planning our wedding, we were happy to have children there but also had not anticipated how much more that bumped our numbers up. We just spoke to our guests who had young children to see whether they preferred to bring them and, as it happened, they all preferred to have a child free break. We didn't add them to the invites but explained that if they had any childcare issues then we their kids would be welcome. It will depend on the guests I suppose as everyone will feel differently about leaving them. Mine were like hallelujah and couldn't wait 😂

I couldn't have had different rules for different guests I. E. Day and night but some of my friends have only invited kids from close family and no one seemed to mind that.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 03/01/2023 19:14

I'm another who can't see how WestBridgewater's summary differed from the OP.

Are you really having two completely separate groups of guests, though? Wouldn't there be quite a few people - close family etc. - you would want to invite to both?

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 03/01/2023 19:18

I also never know what people mean by 'children' in these scenarios. Fair enough if it's a blunt way of cutting costs or managing with low maximum numbers, but I thought a lot of couples do it because they don't want little ones crying, running around screaming and vomiting everywhere. If that is the case, why would you disallow ALL under 18s? Is a 14yo likely to be dashing around shrieking or crying because they want their mummy?

Ponderingwindow · 03/01/2023 19:21

I would include the option for day guests to bring in their children during the evening, even if it is likely to be impractical.

do remember to think through it any of you must attend guests are going to face any significant barriers to attending a child-free wedding. If you have a sibling that has never left a young child with a sitter, a long day or multiple days at a wedding, possibly far from home, away from anyone they know, is not going to be the first time. They will likely have to decline and there will be hurt feelings all around.

UsingChangeofName · 03/01/2023 19:52

ShirleyPhallus · 03/01/2023 16:39

Oooh, children at weddings and two tier invitations, get your hard hat on OP

personally I think your day your choice, but the vibe would definitely change if you have a nice child free day then a load of kids turn up in the evening. I personally really dislike wedding dance floors with kids on when the parents always gaze adoringly at their child doing knee slides across the floor when the rest of us are wishing they were in bed

jve also been to events where I’ve organised childcare for my own only to find there are kids there anyway which is a bit irritating, I think child free should mean child free with the exception of wedding party

but your day, your choice ultimately

Yup. To all of this.

Oh, and, like everyone else, I can't see how @WestBridgewater has misinterpreted. That is what you've written, OP.