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Original poster

From big wedding to very small

14 replies

Lookingadvicr · 12/12/2022 19:21

My and my fh had planned a big wedding then covid hit and changed everything. We then planned everything again with smaller numbers the venue closed so we are back to planning all over again and after sitting talking we both noticed we were doing the big day to keep everyone else happy all we both want is to get Married. So we are thinking of town Hall with just our kids and 2 witnesses then off for a meal and then home again to pack for a lovely holiday with our kids. If you were family would this upset you that's what we are worried about. We have everything for the big wedding my dress bridesmaid dress flowers etc but we don't care about all of that I would gladly give this away to help a couple that is struggling. we have been together for 14 years x

OP posts:
Probablymagrat · 12/12/2022 19:27

If you were my daughter I would totally understand that you want a small wedding. But I would be really hurt not to be able to attend the town hall ceremony. I would suggest a compromise of imediate family only to the ceremony, and a meal after.

NoelNoNoel · 12/12/2022 19:32

if you were my DC I would understand but I would wish so much that I was allowed to attend the town hall ceremony. I’d dearly like to pay for the meal too.

Pictograph · 12/12/2022 19:34

Agree with the others. No need at all to have a big ceremony but can't you just invite your immediate families?

MaggieFS · 12/12/2022 19:39

I think if you come from a family where getting together is the norm and you care about them, then it would be nice to do something to show that, but it doesn't have to be your actual wedding. To try and explain:

  1. Invite immediate family to the town hall and a meal/afternoon tea afterwards unless you are 100% certain they don't mind
  2. Have some sort of of party at a later stage to invite wider family and other friends. It doesn't have to be big, or at a venue, or cost a lot, but it says 'you are important to us'.

Whilst I fully support each to their own, my friends and family are hugely important to me and I wouldn't want to completely shut them out from one of the most important occasions of my life.

GreenManalishi · 12/12/2022 19:42

If you were my loved one I would want you to have the day that you wanted. That is all.

Anyone who makes it about them or does anything other than wishes you well is a pain in the arse, and shouldn't be pandered to in the first place.

SageRosemary · 12/12/2022 19:42

My brother and his wife had a small wedding with just their children and their parents present. They kept it secret from the rest of us. I was sad to miss it but I love them both to bits and was happy that they got to celebrate their day the way they wanted.

In your situation, I'd invite your parents too.

Have a lovely day anyway

NoelNoNoel · 12/12/2022 19:46

Thinking about it my cousin had a tiny wedding with just their DC. I saw photos of them
all dressed up and thought good for them.
I would still really like to attend if it were my DC getting married.

Original poster
Lookingadvicr · 12/12/2022 19:46

We have both had a another chat that included family members my mother and grandfather will be there as sadly my grandmother passed away a few months ago and my partners grandfather and grandmother will also both be there he doesn't speak to his mum and our sisters and brothers including there partners and kids have said they would love to come on holiday with us and celebrate that way some have even offered to mind our kids so we can have some time on our own. Had myself all stressed over nothing

OP posts:
Original poster
Lookingadvicr · 12/12/2022 19:50

@GreenManalishi this was our issue 1st time planning to be told we needed to do more considering the cost was already 10k and the oh don't pick that colour and the usual I'm not going if they are

OP posts:
MaggieFS · 12/12/2022 20:37

Hooray. And bonus babysitters. That's ideal!

Aak · 12/12/2022 21:28

Got married last month, just ten guests immediate family only.
Was a very difficult decision to make at the time and to tell friends and extended family was tough but on the actual day I'd made peace with it and it was really lovely and special to be able to spend quality time with our dearest. We still had some tradition, photographer, bouquet, hair and makeup etc but price would be no comparison to a big wedding! We had a meal at a nice gastro pub, we had the private dining room for free and were able to pay for all food and drink, open bar!

Mrunalmehta · 16/12/2022 10:26

It is not uncommon for couples to have to adjust their wedding plans due to unforeseen circumstances such as the COVID-19 pandemic. If you find yourself in a situation where you need to downsize your wedding from a significant event to a smaller one, you can consider a few things to make the transition as smooth as possible.

Communicate with your guests
Consider an intimate ceremony
Have a virtual celebration
Elope
Overall, the most important thing is to make the best decision for you and your partner, given the circumstances & Enjoy your day.

user1497787065 · 16/12/2022 10:30

Just do what you want. We got married abroad, just the two of us with a a couple of witnesses.
Yes our parents were a bit put out but they soon got over it.

I would encourage my adult DC You o have the weddings that they want and not the wedding to please others.

MillieMC · 10/02/2023 07:54

For the majority of people, marriage is akin to their moment of fulfilment. Imagine how painful and stressful it would be to have it delayed. I can understand your pain, we also had the same situation at my home. My brother's marriage. We planned for all the fun and preparations, but unfortunately, the pandemic spoiled all the happiness. We accept the rules to defend the country and its citizens against an invisible foe is a form of patriotism. Actually planned for a big church hall and almost 500 people are invited to the special wedding party. We hired an event management company for all the arrangements including limo services for the new couple. All were cancelled except the limo. Years passed but still had a missing on that.

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