Bridesmaid dress stress

[Midsizegal29]

Hi everyone! Sorry this is a long one!

I’m due to be a bridesmaid for one of my friends next spring (early march). She has picked 4 of us to be her bridesmaids and we’re very excited! She told us that she wasn’t bothered what dress we chose as long as it’s dark green, no preference on style/ length/ material. We’re all fairly different in shape and size ranging from a 6/8 to a 16 and live all over the UK (London, Manchester, Edinburgh and Birmingham) do shopping together isn’t an option.

We got looking and sent over some ideas for her to approve and she just didn’t really reply. One of the girls then asked questions about how she’d feel if some were short and others were long, did she want us to wear the same shoes, would it matter to her if the greens were different or did she really want the same colour- she said she hadn’t even considered those things but probably would like us all in the same colour.

This led us to Wed2B and their range of BM dresses. She’s determined to save money (totally understand- weddings are expensive!!) and has suggested we try to get the dresses secondhand from Vinted/eBay (love this idea in theory! I buy lots from there anyway) but there are literally none in the colour in my size. We’ve been looking for weeks now and she seems reluctant to commit to anything (if we suggest anything she either doesn’t reply or says “yeah that’s cute”. The problem is, if we need to order a new dress from wed2b, we’re running out of time as their lead time is 12 weeks (leaving no time for alterations) or 8 for a rush order which should get in for the start of Feb). If it’s about the cost, I’ve told her I will pay for my dress, she said no, I’ve said I’ll pay the rush fee for tbe 8 weeks, she said no. She wants to wait a few more weeks and see if any come up second hand but by then we won’t be able to get one new if we need to.

It’s stressing me and one of the other BMs out (the other 2 are not fussed) but I’m genuinely worried we will end up with no dresses at this rate. She’s said she loves the wed2b dresses, and that we can have the same colour and material but different styles but doesn’t seem at all concerned with the fact that they need to be ordered in advance if that’s the ones she wants.

I 100% understand the stresses of planning a wedding (we had ours last year!), but she is SO laid back. I don’t want to be running around the week before the wedding trying to find a dress 🙈 What can I say to help her make a decision?! Any advice is welcome!

What size are you looking for? I have a brand new emerald green bridesmaid dress up on eBay as we speak!

@MyPurpleHeart depending on the style a 14/16. She’s said she wants the wed2b (think it’s called forest green!)

Tell her the date you're going to order your dresses, and that if you don't get precise instructions from her by the day before, you'll each buy the style you prefer but in the colour and fabric she likes.
I'd email her or send it in a group WhatsApp so you all know the score. She sounds like she doesn't mind all that much and as long as the colour is right, just wants you to choose yourselves, but just in case I'm wrong, she's got the option to clarify.

Perhaps just order and pay for the dress yourself and ask the others if they want to do the same? She’s happy with what you’ve chosen.
Then present it as a nice gesture to the bride, you didn’t want her worrying, you knew she had a tight budget and you wanted to help etc…

If she’s laid back, she probably won’t mind.

Why are you stressing? It's her wedding she should be the one worrying if dresses don't arrive in time. I get that you don't want to end up with something you might not feel comfy in but next time she is dismissive of a suggestion I would say something like 'ok bride I'll let you sort it just let me know when you've found something.'

@Baldieheid @SmileyClare 2 of us have offered to pay (it’s a lot of ££ to buy 4 dresses) but her and her fiancé have said they don’t want us to as it’s their day. I’ve said several times I’d happily order my own as I want to be comfortable! I’d given her a deadline of this weekend, texted about it twice and had no reply.

You could just pay for it and let her know she can refund you if she insists.

Why are you stressing? It’s her wedding
No bridesmaid wants to have to wear a dress that they’re bulging out of or can’t do up because it’s too late to alter. I get it’s all about the bride but it’s a bit unfair to say op should just put up with that happening.

You've done pretty much all you can do then. Either order the dress you want and she could pay you back later, or she has to accept that you may never find the right dress on 2nd hand sites and will therefore need a plan B that could be bought quickly. That leaves you high street stores I guess.

Hey have a look on JJs house website and in the sale section to keep cost down. I ordered mine from here and will sort out alterations next year closer to the day.

https://www.jjshouse.co.uk/Bridesmaid-Dresses-c422/#/

It's not the bridesmaids responsibility. Op is doing all she can but the bride is putting up barriers and not cooperating. So when the bridesmaids don't have dresses for the day it's going to be her problem isn't it. Because she won't have bridesmaids.

Totally agree op shouldn't have to wear something she's uncomfortable with but equally she shouldn't be the one doing all the chasing for someone else's wedding arrangements. Either leave it to the bride to sort or just get something you like and don't bother waiting for her approval.

I see what you mean @hodgehedge

Its a bit strange that the bride’s being so non committal . Do you think she can’t afford the dresses you’ve picked and is too embarrassed to say or something? That would explain her repeatedly saying she wants to wait for second hand?

I think you’d be hard pressed to find four dresses in the same colour second hand.

if you’re not comfortable buying/ asking for a refund then perhaps buy a high street green dress you can wear as a plan b and then leave it up to her to sort/or not!

@SmileyClare I don’t know. She’s not a very “girly girl” and said she hadn’t even thought about the dresses maybe needing alterations. She’s changed venue twice and has bought 2 dresses for herself, so I think she’s genuinely just very indecisive. I’ve offered privately to buy my own dress, and I know at least one of the other BMs has too but was given the same answer. We’re so confused as to why she seems so reluctant to make a decision when we’ve all said we’re happy with the wed2b dresses (and countless others we’ve suggested). We want her to be happy with them because it’s HER wedding day, but equally want to be comfortable and look nice!

I think you really just need to drop it now. You’ve done all you can to help and she says no, so there you are. Don’t cause drama by making a fuss about it - it’s really not that important is it?

worst comes to worst, you’ll order from Asos. They’ll be fine.