Don't know where to start!

[Brideintheheadlights]

We have been engaged for 6 years; partner in his 50's, me in my 40's. We've decided to finally get married next year.

Our local registry office is lovely, and we're going to view it this weekend. We know that they have availability on the date(s) we want.

We want it to be fairly low-key/budget (we don't have loads to splash out), we're thinking max 5k.

We have no idea what to do for the reception/celebration afterwards - I'd be happy with a BBQ/hog roast in our garden, but sadly we don't have one! My parents do, but they live a few miles away and it's fairly small. Would the ceremony then a meal at a local restaurant (close family only) then food and drinks (for wider family and friends) back at our own house be really naff?

I've seen a lovely local barn where you decorate, cater, supply your own drink and entertainment etc, but this is nearly 5k alone.

I feel as if I'm missing some sort of wedding planning gene that other people are born with! The thought of organising this, even very low-key terrifies me, and I have no idea where to start, but at the same time I would like it to be a celebration (ie we don't want to sneak off on our own).

Any advice/pointers would be appreciated! Thanks.

You made the first mistake which is also for other people's opinions on your day!

Doesn't have to fit a mould - you do it how you would like to spend that day!

I got married this year, postponed 3 times due to covid, the whole world and their mother gave me advice and I listened to all of it and got in a ball of stress. Had a lovely day but was it worth that hassle? Nope.

You do you.

**ask! Not also.

I feel as if I'm missing some sort of wedding planning gene that other people are born with! we got married just us and 2 witnesses then went out for a meal.

We had a family party a week or so later, plan was originally to book a room at a restaurant we love but ended up with around 60 guests so had a little function room in the local golf club with hog roast - feeding everyone with a DJ and bar tab came to under 3k

@QforCucumber thank you. Your wedding sounds lovely. Will get my thinking cap on about local venues that may have a function room, but would also allow outside catering.

It doesn't sound naff at all, but it does sound stressful for you, as you'd be going for the meal, then straight to your house to cater for lots of people. If that's the way you want to go, I'd consider doing them on different days - so day one is ceremony and dinner at a restaurant for you and immediate family (or whoever), then day two - possibly a week later or something - is a lovely relaxed party at your house.

The barn is expensive because they're fashionable - you'd probably be able to get a room at a more relaxed pub much more cheaply. Have you checked that the date you want is free for the people you definitely want there? I'd check that first - thinking immediate family and best friends really?

Nothing wrong with having guests at yours later. Decoration, music and food will be easier funded then and you could go to a hotel for the next couple of nights and have a cleaner come in.

@Brideintheheadlights the golf club supplied it all for us. DJ, hog roast, tablecloths. We got a cake for dessert and had with coffee supplied by golf club :) We put a photo of us getting married and outside on each table as a centrepiece.
it was fabulousn

Start off your list of who you WANT to be there and take it from there. There are no rules so just do what you think. I would feed people if possible and a drink or two is normal but other than that just go with whatever you can afford.

I would suggest you look for a non wedding venue as it will be cheaper.
Something like a community or church hall. How much decoration do you want? We hired a lovely space but did everything - decorated it with some bunting and flowers in jam jars. It was licenced but had no bar, so we bought a load of drinks from the supermarket.
Food was a hot and cold buffet (outside catering)
DH did a big playlist and we played it through a PA system and we had a ceileigh. I think we spent about £4k max and had about 100 guests. The wedding part was very small, just us, close family and witnesses in the registry office and a big party later in the evening. We had young children as did a lot of our friends and it was a very child friendly event.
Ask around for local ideas. Places like hotels can take over a lot of the work but are more expensive.
Some national trust properties do weddings too..
Think about where you want to spend your budget.

We hosted a reception in my parents' garden and it was lovely but a lot more work than we had expected to be honest! We ended up paying for a marquee, caterers etc so don't think we saved money by the simple, low-key vision I had! And we had to organise all the details ourselves eg chairs, china, tablecloths, wine, cake.. I would suggest starting by deciding how many people you want to invite and then working out the best way to accommodate them in your budget. The idea of a private space in a nice pub sounds great to me. My tip would be not to forget about yourself in all the wedding planning! I left it too late to book make-up etc and that was a shame. Hope it works out really well for you x

If you feel happy to say what area you are, then locals may know of ideas for you

Thank you all, great idea's!

I went through several ideas before ending up with a fairly typical wedding!

Originally wanted a register office followed by barbecue at my mums but the size of family meant we'd need a marquee, flooring, portaloo, caterer etc so it was going to be really expensive before we even got to the food and booze. If the number of people you want there fits in your house you could still get a caterer to do a buffet so you're not buttering bread in your wedding dress and you can easily decorate the day before.

Start with your guest list (who you want, not who you feel obliged to invite or keeping it smaller than you'd really like) before you try and plan. I have a lot of older less mobile guests and our "local" registry office is 45 minutes away so have ended up with an all in one location but that only got decided once we thought about who we wanted there.

Thank you all for your great advice. Starting to sort things has been a slow burn over the last few weeks but we managed to form an idea of what would suit us. We told my parents we were getting married, who very kindly insisted on contrbuting financially (which at my age, I certainly don't expect, and am very grateful for) therefore our budget has increased a fair bit. We have secured a reception venue on the date we wanted in August which has everything we hoped for (laid back, garden, river, games, fire pits, BBQ food etc)and also have our honeymoon sorted (same place we went last yer and loved it, not really typically honeymooney, ie not Mauritius or Maldives type luxury!). Ceremony to sort now (have a venue on reserve). The whole thing has very slightly snowlballed from the very low-key event we intitially had in mind, but not too much and we think will still reflect us and be laid-back, not formal etc. We're having a bit of a disagreement on the guest list which I'll post about separately as I could do with a sense-check, but thanks again, appreciate all the help.

The first question to ask is, 'what do we want?'

If you'd love a registry office, meal and drinks at home, then that's 100% the right thing to do. There is no naff!! It's your day and you get to celebrate it the way you want to.

Some of the best weddings I've been to have been the smallest, most 'unweddingy' ones. One friend booked out a small country hotel for the weekend (we each paid for our own rooms) and had a small ceremony followed by food and a fab 80s disco. There were about 30 of us and it was great because you could sit by the fire if you wanted or go and dance like a maniac - something for everyone.

Another friend did Gretna Green with just 10 of us and afterwards we went out for pie and mash.

As others have said, what do you want? Do that.

We got married in a registry office then went to a function room and had a street food van.

Sounds lovely to me OP, I am not a fan of big weddings, registry office and a meal with close family and friends sounds perfect.