Where did you draw the line with the guest list?

[ChocolateCrepe]

We can’t really get on with planning anything else as we keep arguing over the guest list
Namely two particular friends of his and their partners
I’ve never met one of the couples, he wants them there all day, I don’t want strangers at my wedding
The other couple I have met them both separately in different ways, the man is fine I don’t mind him being there, but the woman is different, she is not a nice person and has been quite vocal about disliking Df and I very much get the impression she doesn’t like me, I don’t particularly like her and nobody else going likes her either
I don’t want her there
He thinks we can’t invite the friend without the girlfriend
I think I’m not paying £100 to have someone there I don’t like
And I don’t want to pay £200 to have two people I’ve never met there

We just can’t agree
Where were your cut offs?

Why haven't you met the one couple? DH didn't know my best friend from school, but rarely spent any time in my home town for example. Similarly I didn't know his childhood friends that well. Didnt mean they weren't close.

Second couple... its awkward. It canbe rude to not invite a partner, but its painful when its someone you don't like.

You are being unreasonable. They are good friends of the groom. Why do you think there are two sides in the church for weddings. You can't both possibly know everyone there well.

See I think unless you elope or have a very small parents only w

The couple you’ve never met before depends entirely on why. If he’s his childhood best friend that he doesn’t see often and you’ve never met because he lives in Australia, then absolutely he still gets an invite. If it’s a random work mate from 6 years ago perhaps not.

The other couple, agree she sounds awful but if the chap is good mate then sometimes you have to suck up people’s poor choice of partners because you can’t invite everyone else’s significant others and not her. You generally decide a blanket policy on +1s and apply it to all guests.

it's normal to have people there who are strangers or knobheads. In general it's very rude to only invite one half of a couple to a formal event.

Well this is another sticking point, he says they’re ‘good friends’ I say they can’t be that good if in 15 years I’ve never met them?!
And @RuthW I’m not expecting to know everyone there well just to actually recognise them in the street?! I don’t think that’s unreasonable

I think you get to invite people your OH hasn't met when you're getting married. Not loads of them but some is fine. We invited a friend's gf we'd never met for example and family friends of dh's who I don't especially like.

If he really wants them there I think you need to compromise a bit. Maybe just the couple and the man but no gf? He may not come without her though, so that is tricky

I’ve said all 4 can come to the evening btw (so I can avoid the knobhead) just not the daytime ie. the expensive bit and the bit that I will have pictures of forever
He’s digging his heels in and will only have them there all day

We both had friends there that the other hadn't met - for example my school friends don't live nearby and are scattered in different areas so when we meet up it's generally a girls' weekend away. Doesn't mean I'm not close with them and they shouldn't be at our wedding. I would have been very annoyed if DH had said they shouldn't be there as they are "strangers".

Ask when the last time he saw them?

Well, for the couple you've never met, ask him to arrange a time for you to meet them before the invites go out. Problem solved.

The girlfriend is harder if you've invited other non married partners.

Tbh I'd just suck it up. If the gf doesn't like you both she's unlikely to come. Same with the couple you've never met real.

Oh she would come, so she could slag everything off afterwards 🙄

I didn't invite Oprah or George Clooney in the end 😉

@PuttingDownRoots he saw the male from the couple I’ve never met a few weeks ago, the other one probably a few months
Theres a group of about 6/7 of them who all seem to get together for birthdays etc, but I know all the others, for some reason this one is slightly more removed from the group and I genuinely have no idea what he even looks like, let alone the girlfriend

They don’t live far away or anything like that, he just clearly isn’t that close to him, so I think an evening invite is fine?!

Nah, the more you post the more I think you can't really veto these invitations. Think you'll just need to suck it up. The sour puss who would only come to slag it of excepted. I think you need a discussion about that one. It might be that a nice invitation disarms her a bit and she may be perfectly pleasant. Then again, maybe not.

The others I think you should let him invite

Op I've been married 26 years and last week dh met a friend of mine I'd say is a good friend for the first time.
We live in the UK she and husband in Denmark we had a lovely time with her husband of 12 years i also met.for the first time.

Personally I'd let them come. Is it worth knowing your dh was disappointed over you having 1 mass photo with them all in?

If they are part of a friendship group you can't not invite them. You have to invite in circles and even an evening invite would be a snub.

Suck it up. There's always someone at your wedding you're not that keen on. I had to invite the 18 year old gf of a distant cousin of DH. Never met her before, barely spoke to her or noticed her on the day.

It's a tough one but this is your fiance's wedding too. He wants them there so really, I don't see how you can say no.

Not wanting people there that you don't know is unreasonable if they are people that the groom cares about. The fact that you haven't met them in 15 years doesn't really mean anything - friendships can go a very long time without much contact and still feel strong and connected.

The ones you don't like are trickier, but again, I think you need to allow it if your fiance wants them there.

You can't have complete and utter control over everything at your wedding - some things you do have to let go.

I'm with you these sound like evening guests but I'd say you each get an equal allowance of friends eg 10 each and he chooses his and you choose yours.

Just to let you know men "do frienship" in a very different way to women. Sometimes two men who consider themselves very close friends don't see each other for years and it doesn't affect the relationship, and they both think nothing of it.

Just out of interest - how many of his friends are coming to the full day and how many of your friends?

Is it a big wedding OP? If so, I think he should be allowed to invite his friends if he wants to. I mean, why not? It's nice for him and will it really affect your day that much? You'll have lots of other things to think about! If it's a small wedding and you're excluding friends of yours that you would like to invite then that's different.

Isn't it his wedding too?

This.

I also respect that dh has some people he is really close to, that he tends to only see when I'm not with him (someone from work and a couple of people from hobby). So I couldn't pick them out of a very small line up. However, as it is his wedding just as much as mine, I would totally expect him to have equal say in who the people are who he wants to have there, whether he is applying the same criteria as me or a completely different one. It is his wedding as well.

I have some very dear friends that I might go for 3 years or more without seeing. The fact we pick up and carry on as if we'd seen each other yesterday is actually the mark of a good friendship which sets it apart from - say - someone you happen to see every day because you catch the same bus, or walk to school together, or happen to attend the same running club, and is a 'friend of a time'.

If they're important enough for one half of the wedding party to be so insistent o think you might just have to suck it up. You don't have to mingle with them - just mingle with your friends or joint friends.

Unless he's vetoing friends of yours that he hasn't met that is...