Thank You Card Dilemma

[mills84]

Currently writing thank you cards for our recent wedding. Looking for some advice about what to write in a card for two people who got into a physical fight at the reception, but who did give us a gift. Feel I should thank them but also can't help feeling a little bitter as we are still waiting for an apology from them.
Thanks for any help

If they haven’t had the grace to apologise I don’t think I would be bothering to write them a thank you note. They might take it to mean that all’s forgiven and forgotten if you just send a thank you - and you can’t very well address their fight in a thank you card. It’s really on them to make contact and apologise.

Return their gift

I would 'send a message' by keeping your thank you very brief and formal, unless they apologise in the meantime.

Dear X and Y

Thank you for your kind gift of a [whatever].

Yours sincerely

mills84

I would be returning their gift and cutting them out of my life.

I would be the bigger person and send a brief thank you.

Was there definitely fault on both sides, though? The OP probably doesn't want to give details, but sometimes a 'fight' can be one person attacking and the other doing nothing more than trying to defend themselves. If the pair are a couple, it could point to an abusive relationship and one party in need of help, not being shunned.

Is this not covered by Debretts?

I honestly don't know what you can say.

So these are two people who live together, not two entirely separate guests who met and fell out with each other at your wedding? Goodness. Perhaps enclose a flyer for domestic violence services with your card?

I think it depends on how much you feel they ruined your day. If it didn't cause much disturbance, just write thanks for the gift.

If you feel they made a huge scene and spoiled things for you and other guests, I'd return their gift so they get a refund as a substantial hint that you won't ever be contacting them again.

When was the wedding and have you spoken to them since (or anyone else said anything about how they've been/ whether they regret it etc?)

I guess I would want to know if they have at least acknowledged it wasn't a great thing to do.

I don't think I would send a thank you card until they'd spoken to me about what happened. It's a big deal to get into a physical fight at someone's wedding.