Very small wedding

[Smoothsoul]

we are thinking of booking a wedding next year at the local registry office the day before we go on a holiday we have already booked (Dubai, where we have wanted to go for a long time)
as it’s a bit of an impromptu plan to do it on that date, we need to keep it very small.
I have about 4 or 5 friends that I’m very close to.
would I be unreasonable to just invite them and not partners? Would that be odd to have not many men there? would you be offended at this? For the record I don't know any of their partners much at all but was at their very big weddings.
How could I say I’d love you at my wedding but not your partner and then I have a couple of cousins with their husbands there so could offend my friends. Should I just keep it v small and not invite them? My dp is not from here and is inviting his v best friend only.

There will be from our family 10 guests plus my 6 friends, so out of 16 in total 5 men with absolutely nothing in common 2 of which are older teenage young men.

I'm from a v large family and learnt through covid that friends mean so much more to me that family ever have.

the plan for the day is -
12pm - registry office
1pm - photos (Scotland, and near a very very beautiful tourist spot)
1.30/2pm - lunch at restaurant at said beauty spot
4pm/5pm head home and have champers and an earlyish night, we leave the next day around 8am.

Congratulations! Is the wedding where they live or do they have to travel far? If it's a local wedding then I think they should understand it as it's just lunch. If there was a party with dancing then I think partners should be invited.

Are you very close to these female friends? Maybe better to invite less of them but include their partners? At the end of the day many people would consider it rude to be asked to come and celebrate your relationship while excluding theirs. I know I would be very upset to be invited to a wedding without my husband. Is there a specific reason why you couldn’t include an extra 4-5 guests, for example space in the venue?

I would invite 1 friend as a witness and then plan a bigger party/dinner, with partners , when you get back.
congratulations

@Namechangedincaseshesonhere you’re right I didn’t even think of it that way.
I have two girls that have a private so if area.
one sits 16 hence the number of guests
and one sits 6 (so if I went with that it would be me, dp, 2 teenage dc, my em and and uncle)
i dont want a party - I’m not really a centre of attention type and neither is my dp. The thought of even saying my vows in front of 16 people is making me sweat. Lol.

im thinking of doing the 6 to avoid moments like this - being awake thinking about it at 2am when I have to get up for work at 6.30 😆

for the record I had a really awful time a few years ago and these friend have been VERY supportive.

autocorrect.

two girls somehow is made out of “two hotels”

I’ll also add about children. My cousin who is the only person from my large fam that I’d want there has 4 dc ranging from 10-20 years old who, if I invite would mean I can’t have 2 couples there. Would it be bad to not invite them?

With a very small wedding, I personally would completely understand that you couldn’t have my (hypothetical) four kids there in replacement of 4 adults that you really care about!

Of course if it was a very very close kid like your favourite niece it might be different. Or children belonging to your future husband from a previous relationship etc.

I would not in your circumstances invite a cousin’s children, but please be prepared that the parents may have to decline if they can’t find childcare for the younger ones. I would explain it to them just as you have to us on this thread, before the invitations go out to avoid anyone getting pissed off!

Congratulations by the way ❤️

to just invite them and not partners?

Do whatever you want, it's your wedding. Congratulations.

Do please consider that,especially for a wedding, it's much nicer to be there with your partner. Asking your friends to be 'single' just for the pleasure of attending your wedding is a bit odd.

Especially as you attended, so are a witness to their weddings. I think you really owe them an invitation with a 'plus one'. Would that really make your plans unaffordable ?

Maybe have a specialty celebrate lunch with just your girl friends and keep the wedding family only.

I have about 4 or 5 friends that I’m very close to.
would I be unreasonable to just invite them and not partners?

Of course that would be fine. Everyone normal would understand that.

Would that be odd to have not many men there?

No

would you be offended at this?

No

How could I say I’d love you at my wedding but not your partner

Just have either individual conversations with each of them, or, if you see them together before that, when you see them, and say you are planning a tiny wedding, but that they mean so much for you, you would love it if they would come... "just the girls".
-sounds more positive than saying "but your partner can't come"