Invitation wording, two ceremonies

[WeddingShedding]

Please help!

I am having two ceremonies on the same day - a small legal ceremony at the town hall (8 guests), and a much bigger handfasting ceremony (60 guests) later on followed by a reception. The handfasting is the most significant ceremony for myself and partner. But I am concerned about the best way to word invitations a) for those invited to both ceremonies and b) for those only invited to the handfasting ceremony.

Even though the handfasting is more important to us than the legal ceremony, I don't want anyone to feel 'tricked' if we don't mention the legal ceremony?

I'd really appreciate any advice on wording invitation b!

Just send out separate invites.

Invitation for the handfasting to all.

"We would like to invite you to join us as we bless our marriage with a handfasting, to be held at X, then afterwards a Reception at x"

Then underneath bullets

• Handfasting, 1pm, X Location
• Reception, 2pm, Y Location
• carriages at 11pm

Then, for those who are coming to the legal ceremony, add a small card (save the date size or business card size) "You are invited to our wedding ceremony, X time at Y location"

Yes, as @BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz has suggested

Years ago, (as little as 1990s) only Church of England ceremonies were legal and all other couples were married at registry office, then had their “real” ceremonies elsewhere. It is not unheard of and people will not feel duped at all.

I think you're overthinking it, people won't feel tricked. This is very common.

A good way to do it is to call the handfasting the 'wedding ceremony' and just call the registry office the legal ceremony/ paperwork etc. Communicate to your guests that to both of you, the handfasting ceremony is the real wedding, and the legal bit is just the documents/ paperwork. They will understand.

As there are only 8 people going to the legal bit, I'd be inclined not to put that bit in invites at all. Just put the handfasting in the invite and then speak to the 8 VIP guests separately

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz ‘s wording is great and very clear to everyone. Personally I wouldn’t be upset not to be invited to the legal ceremony (though I would be able to tell the difference) it’s clear from many Mumsnet threads that some people do care - talk of sham ceremonies and bad acting and aghast guests! Being clear in the wording means everyone know what’s happening and what to expect.

I think I would send out separate invites - to those invited to both something along the lines of,
Legal ceremony at place X at X o' clock, handfasting ceremony at place Y at y o' clock, followed by reception at Z...

Then to your other guests something along the lines of wedding ceremony at place X at X o'clock, followed by reception details.

However, seeing as though you only have 8 guests to the legal ceremony, assuming some are couples, could you not just tell them and just send out 1 lot of invitations?

Years ago, (as little as 1990s) only Church of England ceremonies were legal and all other couples were married at registry office, then had their “real” ceremonies elsewhere. It is not unheard of and people will not feel duped at all.

Other denominations were legally allowed to do weddings too, going back to 1837.

This is an excellent suggestion of how to handle it. I might follow up with a text or phone call to the eight people who are attending the register office bit to make sure that they know about it. Sometimes those separate cards can get dropped out when people open the envelope.

We had a legal service with very limited numbers followed by a service we wrote ourselves to which we invited a wide range of friends.
For those coming to the second service the invites were to celebrate our marriage.
I don't think anyone felt cheated. The second service was more meaningful to us and we acknowledged this on the day.
None of my friends who know me well expected a traditional/conventional ceremony.

Another who thinks what @BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz suggested does the job.
In truth though, I wouldn't have thought the people coming to the 'legal' wedding would even need an additional invitation. Presumably this is likely to be your parents / only people who are really close to you? They will know the details anyway.