I hate being maid of honour!!!!!

[ChillyAvocado]

I hate it!!!!! I’m so stressed, organising multiple hen parties, one of which is in France for a huge group of people that barely know each other!

There’s been loads of hen party drama, people falling out, people dropping out. It’s just ridiculous! Bride insisted that we must go abroad for the ‘main’ hen. Anyone that isn’t coming to that one will come to a second hen in the U.K. - which I’m also organising on my own.

Going backwards and forwards to a different city for various fittings. Being made to buy stuff I will never use again.

Dreading the hen trip away. I find myself waking up in the night panicking about it. There is too much expectation on me to ‘perform’ and I’m a terribly nervous person, especially with new people.

Not once has the bride thanked me or asked if I need anything. She didn’t even send me a birthday card or been to visit me once in the last 2 years, when I’ve been bending over backwards to make this special for her and have spent hundreds of pounds.

I feel like it’s making me ill, but I can’t back out now as it’s all a few weeks away.

I also have horrific social anxiety and the thought of walking down an aisle is absolutely terrifying me!

I don’t know why I’m posting really! Just a rant

Why on earth did you agree to do this?

@Aquamarine1029 because when she asked me, I had no idea it was going to be this bad - yes I knew it would entail organising a hen party (which, I stupidly assumed would be a one night thing in the U.K.) and going with her to chose her dress, but I thought that would be it!

I'm so sorry, op. It all sounds like a bloody nightmare. Multiple hen dos?! That's absurd.

It really is awful.

I can’t wait until it’s all over. It’s making me feel sick!

That's alot to take on.
Can you not ask any of the other bridesmaids to help?

This all sounds very extreme. No wonder you’re stressed! My MOH didn’t arrange anything by herself. She helped me arrange a one evening UK hen-do and helped me choose bridesmaid dresses. That’s it.

Yes I do have some help from the bridesmaids, but they aren’t taking any initiative and it’s only for the smaller things - they don’t seem like they want to help on much tbh, which I can understand as they are busy!

So I’m pretty much organising the entire thing. I hate it. I’m ordering and paying for all these little hen party favours for people that I don’t know. Paying out deposits for stuff and then struggling to get the money back off people. It’s horrible!

@ambushedbywine if only my friend were like you! Sounds exactly like what I thought I had signed up for. Right now, the dynamic feels like I’m a unpaid party planner/PA

I'm middle aged and pretty grumpy. Exactly how much do you like the bride? Do many other friendships depend on your relationship with her? If you called her and said that to protect your own health you need to resign as Maid of Honour would it all be about her or would she show a shred of concern/regret for what she's put you through. Ditch her now and don't look back would be my advice. Then get some sleep. Good luck x

@Marylou2 I wish I could, but she is extremely hot headed and wouldn’t take it well. Me dropping out would be a personal attack on her.

Also, our families are friends, partners are best mates etc…so feels like I’m well and truly trapped.

When did being MoH turn into being a professional event planner? It sounds horrible. Could you tactfully but firmly tell the other bridesmaids you're finding it a bit much to organise on your own and you need to delegate some tasks?

So your ‘friend’ doesn’t even so much as acknowledge your birthday but expects you to do lots of effort for her hen do without so much as a thank you? I think I would opt out…sounds like she’s not much of a friend anyway and more of a user anyway

How horrendous.

My hen night was a meal in an Italian restaurant and my MOH and bridesmaids only had to buy their own undies. I paid for everything else.

I find the current for ridiculous extravaganzas wedding experience ps to be preposterous and selfish.

I'd tell the bride to sling her hook or pay for a wedding planner to organise this.

Sounds awful OP. My sympathies.

The only thing I'm asking of my bridesmaids is to be there with me on the day. No hen do, no involvement in the planning (except one of them came wedding dress shopping with me). We're perfectly capable of planning everything ourselves.

@ImInStealthMode

Sounds awful OP. My sympathies.

The only thing I'm asking of my bridesmaids is to be there with me on the day. No hen do, no involvement in the planning (except one of them came wedding dress shopping with me). We're perfectly capable of planning everything ourselves.

I'm organising my own hen night - a meal in a Thai restaurant preceded by a circus arts class for friends who fancy trying it. (I do trapeze twice a week, so it's not as odd as it sounds!) I'd never expect my bridesmaids to plan or pay for anything. All I want is their company. I don't understand where this custom has come from. Unless your friends are keen to plan parties for you, it just feels like taking advantage.

She must have loads of friends. Are there 2 hen nights, one in France and one in her home town for those who can't afford France. If enough people pull out of the france one can you suggest cancelling it and having one local night out. I'm amazed at the cheek of some Bridezillas.

Late to the party on this thread, BUT are you me?! Did I write this under a different alias?!

Quite honestly agreeing to be MOH has been one of the worst mistakes I've made and will never agree to it again.

Add into the mix that I agreed before I found out I was pregnant, and all the planning has been kicking off around my due date and now that I have a newborn.

It's literally the worst! I find the whole thing just hideous and over the top - from the hen do, dress shopping, just general bridezilla behaviour. I will never agree to it again.

AND I have exactly the same situation realising this is a one sided relationship with the bride who I've come to realise hasn't made much of an effort with me. And even more obvious now that she hasn't bothered to even ask how I'm getting on with baby. I keep asking whether she would make an effort like this in return for me and the answer is a straight up no everytime.

Wondering whether to see it through now or whether I should/ could maybe drop out? Friendship is over either way as far as I'm concerned...

Here to listen to your MOH woes anytime @ChillyAvocado

@PolkaDotPassion I’m so sorry I only just saw this!

How are you getting on with it all? I hope you’re ok. It’s the most hideously stressful thing to plan, let alone when you are pregnant/have a new born!

Are you also going away?

Christ I organised my own.

Chinese meal with friends.

Why does the hen have to be so crazy now?