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Choosing a date (with the worry of losing elderly/ill relatives)

3 replies

lemongrasstea · 30/01/2022 12:57

Arranging a very small and intimate wedding with very close family only. Recently engaged and therefore happy to leave wedding till next year to give it time to sink in and so it doesn't feel rushed with the pace of our relationship, although over the moon to be engaged. However... our parents are becoming more elderly with various ailments and health scares - so while not particularly 'old' in age number, we are aware of how having everyone we want there next year is not guaranteed. Also, have an elderly grandfather, only remaining grandparent of ours, with dementia whose mental capacity is declining month on month. Seems sadly unlikely that he would be healthy enough mentally to attend a small wedding and reception next year, but then again if we did it this year while he's still got some ability to enjoy what's going on, the other relatives would have to be managing and sort of in a 'care' capacity too at the wedding rather than purely enjoying the moment. So... do we rush the period between engagement and wedding in order to have the certainty of everyone we really want there to attend, or do we have the risk of leaving it till next year, but giving ourselves breathing space and to fit more into the natural timescale of where we would ideally like to enjoy just being engaged for the moment and just make it work with whatever relatives are hopefully still healthy and with us and able to enjoy it alongside us? Very difficult decision and everything is getting very booked up for this year, so any wise words (or any words at all) appreciated, thanks!

OP posts:
Gardengates · 30/01/2022 13:07

My uncle died this month. His son has planned a destination wedding for this summer and when his father got ill, they brought forward the ceremony to the start of Feb and changed it to a UK ceremony. Sadly his uncle didn't make that either.

I have friends who got married several years ago. 2 sisters. One had a UK wedding and whilst she was on her honeymoon her sister had a destination wedding with just a few friends. Their mother died suddenly whilst they were both away.

Plan your wedding OP, exactly how you want it to be. The rest is out of your control and trying to beat it will exhaust you and could easily be unsuccessful.

Chocolatetwirl · 30/01/2022 15:32

@Gardengates

My uncle died this month. His son has planned a destination wedding for this summer and when his father got ill, they brought forward the ceremony to the start of Feb and changed it to a UK ceremony. Sadly his uncle didn't make that either.

I have friends who got married several years ago. 2 sisters. One had a UK wedding and whilst she was on her honeymoon her sister had a destination wedding with just a few friends. Their mother died suddenly whilst they were both away.

Plan your wedding OP, exactly how you want it to be. The rest is out of your control and trying to beat it will exhaust you and could easily be unsuccessful.

Exactly this. My brother brought his wedding forward a year following my dad's terminal diagnosis in the hope he could be there. He deteriorated quickly and everyone struggled on the run up to the day thinking endlessly about whether or not he'd be well enough to make it. The worry and pressure completely overshadowed what should have been a wonderful time. My died three months before the wedding and even if he had been alive, he wouldn't have been well enough to be there. These things are out of everyone's control. Plan the wedding you want, enjoy this special time without pressure and worry then everything else will fall in to place
bjonesreborn · 30/01/2022 23:36

We got engaged in august 2021 and were planning on getting married this summer (may/June). But my parents are elderly and there were a couple of scares. So we decided to get married in January. I’m so glad we did, they made it and that meant an awful lot to us.
5 months was plenty long enough to plan the wedding, and actually made it easier because we couldn’t hang around on decisions, so no dithering!

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