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Original poster

Choosing a wedding dress

28 replies

hurkledurkle · 29/09/2021 10:21

I'm torn between choices. I tried on a very simple ballerina-length gown that looked too plain on the hanger but felt amazing on. My best friend and chief bridesmaid thought it was perfect for me, but my mum thought it was too ordinary and I should go for something fancier. This is the dress (the one I tried on was slightly longer): www.fairygothmother.co.uk/collections/tea-length-collection/products/fb-wren-wren-wedding-dress-by-freda-bennet

The fancier option was this: www.justinalexander.com/justin-alexander/collection/wedding-dresses/88040/

It suits my body type and I do love the style, but I felt self-conscious in it. I'm not normally a gown-with-train sort of woman. I'm a dance-with-all-the-elegance-of-Tigger woman. My friend commented, "The first one looks like something you'd wear. This is more of a stylistic stretch." Then again, a wedding is a chance to wear a dress that you'll never wear again, so maybe I should go out of my comfort zone? The other issue was that the sample dress in the shop was miles too big, but the saleswoman insisted it could be taken in to look perfect. She wouldn't tell me the size and whisked the dress away when I tried to check the label! I found her a bit pushy and I don't know if she was telling the truth about how easy it would be to alter or just trying to make a sale.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Megan2018 · 29/09/2021 10:25

Get the dress you feel comfortable in. Doesn’t matter what anyone else says. Go back on your own and decide. Or keep looking.
I prefer the first but it has bugger all to do with me.

It’s very normal to not be able to try on the actual size you need and for all dresses to be altered to fit. They routinely don’t tell you the size as wedding dresses come up small. Eg I was a high street 10 when I got married but needed a 14 which was adjusted.

VoyageInTheDark · 29/09/2021 10:28

I prefer the first one

AnnaSW1 · 29/09/2021 10:32

I love both of those dresses but they are so totally different. Both fantastic. Choose the one you love.

alwayswrighty · 29/09/2021 10:36

You love the first, wear the first. If you want it a bit more blingy get a nice sparkly belt, although I don't think you need it. It'll accessorise brilliantly.

HelebethH · 29/09/2021 11:16

Your wedding, your choice, I have to say I think the first one is lovely. I would go for it, especially if you feel good in it. You could wear stunning accessories and shoes that would complement it.

AndTime · 29/09/2021 14:11

I really like the first one but the second one is stunning.

Totally different dresses, choose the one you feel comfortable in, you are wearing it.

urbanbuddha · 29/09/2021 14:12

The first one is beautiful. It's your wedding - you wear what you love.
Wrt alterations 2 sizes is the maximum difference for succesful alterations.

Kindleswitchface · 29/09/2021 14:15

Wear what you feel comfortable and confident in. You have to spend all day in it.

I think people generally have an idea in their mind of what a wedding dress "should" be like and try to push people into that ideal. My mum would have had me looking like Princess Di if she had the chance. She couldn't get her head around it not having sleeves.

Original poster
hurkledurkle · 29/09/2021 19:18

@urbanbuddha

The first one is beautiful. It's your wedding - you wear what you love. Wrt alterations 2 sizes is the maximum difference for succesful alterations.
This is what I'd heard about alterations. The second dress definitely felt more than two sizes too big to me (you could see most of my bum through the lace panels and she had to bunch up a lot of fabric at the shoulders) but as bridalwear seems to go by different sizing I couldn't be sure.

I'll probably go with my gut feeling and choose the first one, and see if I can get some embroidery detail added to the sash. Thanks for all the reassurance!

OP posts:
waltzingparrot · 29/09/2021 19:22

Why wouldn't you wear one that you said felt amazing on??

toastofthetown · 29/09/2021 19:24

You talked a lot in the post about what your friends and your mum thought, but not much about what you thought. If the first one feels amazing for you it doesn't matter if your mum thinks it's too plain.

I would never choose a dress I felt self conscious in. I tried one on that everyone else loved, but I felt self conscious. Especially on your wedding day where you'll be the centre of attention feeling comfortable in what you are wearing is so important.

Could you go to another shop to try on some more dresses if you are not convinced by there ones you've already tried? Might help make your mind ups one way or the other.

Original poster
hurkledurkle · 29/09/2021 19:54

@waltzingparrot

Why wouldn't you wear one that you said felt amazing on??
Wedding dress shopping seems to have stirred up a bunch of teenage angst. It sounds silly, but maybe this anecdote will explain it. Once I was in the toilets at school when a group of girls came in talking. These were all girls I was friendly with. They didn't know I was there. They were talking about roommate allocations for the coming year (this was a boarding school) and one of them said, "I feel so sorry for Hurkledurkle, getting put with A, B, and C again. She must know she's the only one of them who isn't pretty." There was a chorus of sympathy and agreement. I felt a bit stunned. I'd known that my three roommates were pretty, but I hadn't realised I was such an ugly duckling in comparison that people actually pitied me over it. This wasn't the first time something like this had been said, but it was the first time it hit home. When they'd gone I looked at myself in the mirror and felt that they were right. After that I didn't really take much interest in clothes or makeup or appearance, but that wasn't because I wasn't interested - I just hated the thought of people pitying my efforts. It was better for my ego if they all thought I was too much of a geeky bookworm to care.

I know it sounds stupid, and I'm not a 14 year old girl any more, but I flinch away from more 'glamorous' clothes just because however much I like them I feel like I can't wear them. I thought maybe my wedding could be a way to move past that. I do like the first dress in its own right, but it does feel like the safe option - something that the not-pretty roommate would pick.

OP posts:
Megan2018 · 30/09/2021 07:59

@hurkledurkle
Surely the sample is just that, a sample-they’ll order the correct size if you want it and then alterations will be on a dress that is close to fitting anyway? I’d not consider buying the sample itself so it doesn’t really matter what size that is.

StMarysKettle · 30/09/2021 08:08

They're so different from each other - what sort of wedding are you having? Honestly I would keep looking if I were you, there are so many gorgeous dresses out there and after your followup post I agree the first one is a little safe but that doesn't mean the second one is right for you either.

What sort of dress do you want? I ended up having to find the dress I wanted online and then find a shop that stocked it - just visiting bridal shops in my area didn't work for me

waltzingparrot · 30/09/2021 10:31

OP - I can see that you're wondering if the simple dress is just living up to the catty remark from all those years ago.

I think your wedding day is definitely the day you want to be wearing the dress, rather than the dress wearing you. You want to feel comfortable, not just physically, but mentally, in the dress so you don't spend the day worrying about your dress choice. I think we all make an enhanced effort for our wedding - you'll have your hair and make up done and you'll be your most beautiful on your wedding day. Which dress do you really want to wear?

Iris2020 · 30/09/2021 11:18

@hurkledurkle I'm very sorry about the remark your classmates made - I know some remarks made to me stung the same.

For what it's worth, I'm really not one for "toned-down", simple wedding dresses but I think your first one is absolutely stunning and classic. Really beautiful to suit a beautiful woman.

The second one is beautiful but does require a lot of confidence to wear so maybe if you'd like to push the boat out for your wedding, find a middle ground? Something quite so form-fitting is a bit leap if you're not used to wearing gowns but that said, if you want to go for it do and I'm sure your DH will be wowed!

ItsSunnyOutside · 30/09/2021 12:16

They are both lovely, I really like the 1st one, it is simpler but just as stunning.

When you picture yourself on the day..how do you imagine your dress to look, your hair etc? Try to think of both dresses, or maybe you will think of a cross between the two? Which one do you feel happier in?
That helped me decide.
I was struggling between 2 dresses, one was more understated but still 'dressy' the other one was more showy with a intricate back design.. I loved them both but whenever I pictured myself walking into the church, seeing my dh, or dancing around on the dancefloor , I naturally kept thinking of this one dress, the more understated one, so I chose that one & I'm so happy I did. It was more 'me' and I felt beautiful in it.

dannydyerismydad · 30/09/2021 13:07

I love the first.

A word of caution with alterations though. I bought a preloved size 16 dress - it was a one off designer gown, so no hope of ordering it in my size. An incredible dressmaker reconstructed it for me in a size 6. It was perfect. But a good seamstress costs good money. The alterations cost nearly as much as the dress. If you consider something more fitted, look for a dress your size and tweak it to fit. A full alteration of such a fitted dress will be expensive.

CrotchetyQuaver · 30/09/2021 13:14

You should choose the one you feel most comfortable in. You're going to be "in show" all day, and if you feel self conscious and not entirely happy with your dress, that won't be good. I like the first one myself, but I'm a less is more type of person. It should be to your choice, not your mums.

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake · 30/09/2021 13:20

The first one is gorgeous, definitely something I would wear. The second one is lovely, but the most important thing is to chose a dress that makes you feel amazing, not self conscious.

Branleuse · 06/10/2021 12:10

I love the first one and dont like the second one nearly as much. It looks too tight and fancy and unforgiving. The first one looks simple and stylish and if you felt great in it, then sounds like its a good choice for you

ApolloandDaphne · 06/10/2021 12:15

I adore the first one. It is fresh and simple and will allow you to shine through. The second one is just too much imo and is all about the dress rather than the bride.

cookiemonster2468 · 26/01/2022 10:33

I do like the first dress in its own right, but it does feel like the safe option - something that the not-pretty roommate would pick

The first dress is gorgeous! The second is trying way too hard and is over the top. If a family member tried to push me to have something like that, they would be quickly shut down.

You don't have to justify your decision. On your wedding day of all days you should get to be who you are and celebrate that! And FFS don't give the teenagers from your past a second thought.

Mumdiva99 · 26/01/2022 10:40

The first dress is beautiful. But it isn't up to me.

I watch a lot of SYTTD and spin off shows. Just recently I saw one where the girl bought her fashion conscious sister to advise. As the experts said to camera a wedding dress isn't about the look or fashion- it's all about how it makes you feel. Do you feel gorgeous in the first one? If so get that. If not keep looking. Go to another shop.

CountessOfSponheim · 26/01/2022 10:42

100% get the one that felt amazing. That's an excellent way to know it's the right dress.

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