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Original poster

When to feed Guests

58 replies

AndTime · 21/09/2021 15:45

I have been on mumsnet long enough to know that feeding your wedding guests is mega important;

We have a 3.30pm wedding ceremony, when realistically will we be feeding our guests? I Imagine 5.30? There will be canapes whilst we do photos but they aren't exactly going to spoil anyone's dinner.

So if the meal lasts till 7.30ish? at a guess then evening guests will arrive about 8pm maybe 8.30.

We are thinking of doing bacon baps and wedges at 10pm (with a vegge option) . The cake will be cut and available to eat also.

Is this a) Too late for the evening guests? b) not enough food for the evening guests

We have the option for a buffet but if the day guests are eating at a regular meal time (or there about's) would they really want a buffet?

OP posts:
Original poster
AndTime · 21/09/2021 16:59

DP is adamant on the traditional wedding breakfast and speeches.

How long does the meal and speeches usually last?

OP posts:
LaLaLouella · 21/09/2021 17:17

Normally meal and speeches last longer than you think....

chesirecat99 · 21/09/2021 17:19

@Comedycook

I would expect most of the evening guests will have had dinner before they come

I completely disagree with this. I think they'll expect to be fed and won't have eaten. We were evening guests to a wedding and we didn't have dinner. When we got there, there was a buffet which had been demolished! We were left with a tiny amount and were starving.

I did say most... because most people have had a similar experience or heard similar horror stories Grin

If they haven't had dinner and are expecting to be fed, a bacon bap isn't really going to cut it either.

TheSpiral · 21/09/2021 17:23

I agree that whatever you do, just make sure it is communicated. I went to a wedding where there was a beautiful but insubstantial afternoon tea served after the ceremony and pictures. Thinking this was all there was going to be, we ate quite a lot of tiny cakes. Then we were surprised by a delicious hot buffet some hours later.

PermanentTemporary · 21/09/2021 17:25

I agree i think you're going to struggle to make this work.

Have you already invited these other 60 guests? I would strongly suggest that you don't. Weddings that involve vast numbers of extended family and random bridge friends of your mum etc were more common when the parents of the bride paid for the wedding. If the couple is paying, which they usually are these days in the UK, the family should understand it will be a smaller do.

Can you make the main meal cheaper - a barbecue, a cold buffet?

If there's no other option, I would be extremely clear to evening guests that it's drinks and bacon rolls only I wouldn't bother with wedges too - make it clear it'sliterally a snack. I would almost ring them individually to make sure they understood.

Burnamer · 21/09/2021 17:26

OP - if you don’t really want these people at your wedding (the cousins) just don’t invite them. You really don’t have to and sounds like it’s not worth the extra stress tbh.
Ultimately you won’t please everyone but they should all be there to celebrate with you and not to pick holes in your wedding planning skills.

MrsR87 · 21/09/2021 17:30

5.30 does seem quite late to me for a traditional wedding breakfast. Is this going to be in the same place as the ceremony? If so, I think you might be able to have it earlier than you think. If it’s a religious ceremony then they are longer but we were at a civil wedding all in the same venue at the weekend…the bride walked down the aisle at 2.30 and they were man and wife by 2.45. We were sat down to eat at around 4pm.

Ellarain · 21/09/2021 17:42

Most guests won't expect to be fed at 9.30pm especially those who had the main meal at 5. 30pm.In my experience, finger food like sandwiches, cocktail sausages, goujons is more than enough and served at 10.30pm. Obviously people will be dancing, drinking and chatting away once the music starts. Some finger food is just a bonus.

Horriblewoman · 21/09/2021 17:47

Not sure if it helps if you add 1.5 hours to these

Our ceremony - 2pm
Canapes and drinks reception - 2.30 - 4.30
Guests seated for 5pm for start of wedding breakfast
Wedding meal 5pm - 7pm
Cake cutting, teas and coffees (to clear the room as they reset) 7.15 - 8
Dancing starts - 8.15
Chip cones - 9.30

Night ends - 11

However we have no evening guests so don't need to consider their food.

HungryHippo11 · 21/09/2021 17:53

I would agree with the people who have said not to have evening guests to be honest. The wedding breakfast is likely to go on until at least 8pm, assuming its 3 courses and you're having speeches as well. You would want to add on half an hour contingency (in case ceremony is delayed, speeches are longer than expected, photos take longer, a hundred other things which could happen)
So I wouldn't want to invite evening guests until 8.30pm which is too late really.

Or have evening guests but don't bother with food but make this very clear to the evening guests.

SylvanasWindrunner · 21/09/2021 17:54

Gosh, I would never expect a proper meal as an evening guest! We've been to a few weddings evening only and always have a light dinner before we go. I wouldn't ever go on an empty stomach!

I would also be quite happy with bacon rolls as an evening guests!

ladyvimes · 21/09/2021 18:01

We got married at 3pm and sat down for a 3 course meal at 6.30. By the time everyone had eaten, done speeches, etc it was like 8.30. We didn’t have any evening guests as we just invited everyone to the whole day. We didn’t serve any evening food just cake.

drpet49 · 21/09/2021 18:04

* I think given the timing of your wedding, having separate evening guests won't really work.*

^This. I wouldn’t be impressed with bacon baps and potato wedges either.

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 21/09/2021 18:11

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Bbq1 · 21/09/2021 19:12

@AndTime

Yes the traditional wedding breakfast will be served at 5.30, I can't see us getting in any earlier if the ceremony is at 3.30

I thought earlier would be better for the evening guests but then the day guests would still be full up.

Good point about the children. I won't be inviting any additional children for the evening on my side but can check with DP on his side.

So the bacon baps and wedges need to be available to the all day guests too. 10pm is too late, make it 9 instead. I went to a wedding where all the guests attending the wedding breakfast were staying on for the evening with no further guests. Wedding breakfast was nice albeit small and took place around 3.00pm. but to our surprise there was no evening buffet whatsoever. Nothing. Not even the cake cut up. Okay, people wouldn't have needed much but a few buffet bits to nibble on would have been nice. So although bacon and chips aren't usual fare at least you're offering them something. I would add crisps, nuts and a couple of desserts.
Original poster
AndTime · 21/09/2021 21:20

I can't see how to make it work either.

No one has been invited yet, I think I need a chat with DP about these huge amounts of extra cousins.

A chat with the venue about timings too.

OP posts:
LaLaLouella · 21/09/2021 21:32

Good luck! Hopefully the venues wedding planner might have some ideas about what the kitchen can do for you...

Willow19C · 21/09/2021 22:00

Massive pet peeve when people say that evening guests will have already eaten.

There was a thread here a week ago about the worst wedding food people have experienced and most people were discussing bad evening food - usually not enough, because bride and groom had under ordered, eg expected lots of people to have eaten beforehand!

There is an expectation you should feed your evening guests.

rookiemere · 21/09/2021 22:22

@Willow19C yes evening guests should be fed, but as an evening guest I would expect a moderate buffet type something to eat no earlier than 8.30 pm, so I'd definitely have something beforehand.

Don't stress OP it sounds fine to me as long as meal and speeches can be completed before evening guests arrive. That may mean a short window for photographs, but all good as long as photographer aware you're on a time schedule.

CorianderAndCream · 21/09/2021 23:00

@LaLaLouella

Serving bacon rolls in the evening on the grounds your day guests have been fed a substantial and delicious wedding breakfast just reinforces how second class you feel your evening guests are....
But evening guests are just there for the evening party. I've never expected to have a meal when going just to the evening.

Bacon sandwiches and wedges sound fine to me

LaLaLouella · 21/09/2021 23:29

If I go to a party, where I'm expected to give a substantial gift, I don't expect to not be fed properly because all the guests who really matter are still full from the lovely wedding breakfast...

DominicRaabsTravelAgent · 22/09/2021 07:43

The timing of Horriblewoman's wedding sounds good. Is there a way you can bring your service forward?

Original poster
AndTime · 22/09/2021 08:39

I don't think we can bring the service forward although I would love to.

Had a chat with DP and his extra 46 guests for the evening were people like his stepdads cousins because he went to their wedding (with his mum and stepdad) then cousins he hasn't spoken to in years but if he invited the cousins he did see then he felt he would have to invite them all.

We have decided to only invite people we actually want at our wedding and just have them for the whole day.

Hopefully we won't then feel rushed to finish the wedding breakfast and we can offer a light option later to soak up the alcohol.

The only people that now will be evening guests are my colleagues that can't be off all together but I will have a chat with them about what's on offer, we are a small team and have worked together many many years.

Thanks for all the input.

OP posts:
onelittlefrog · 22/09/2021 09:13

10pm is a little late for evening food.

We are doing similar to you, with a main meal around 5.30, then we're serving sausage sandwiches and cake around 9/9.30.

People who don't want them will leave them but there will be plenty who will. You may be surprised how much people will eat at a wedding!

rookiemere · 22/09/2021 09:33

Sounds like a good resolution OP. Personally I'd keep the bacon rolls- I've enjoyed them when available at a wedding and they're a good contrast to the wedding meal.

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