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Original poster

What would you think of a bride with almost no friends?

35 replies

CluelessBride · 12/07/2021 12:32

We wrote our invitations last night and it really brought home that I have hardly any friends! My fiancé has loads, which is one of the reasons I love him (he's so sociable and really brings me out of my shell!). For a whole range of reasons, I only have a small handful and only really two invited to the wedding. There are a few more but they live overseas so not feasible to invite them. I have family coming, so it's not like I have no one, but they're all older than us.

I'm feeling like a bit of a loser this morning and wondering, if you went to a wedding where the bride's guest list was tiny and hardly any peer group / friends, what would you think of her? I'm really worried people will think there's something wrong with me Blush

OP posts:
TH22 · 12/07/2021 12:37

It's about quality, not quantity and I don't think anyone would judge or comment. If they did, they're not very nice people.
I had lots of people of my wedding; if I could do it again, half those people I wouldn't invite again.
Have a wonderful day and enjoy yourself surrounded by your nearest and dearest x

NoLongerATeacher · 12/07/2021 12:38

I think you’re worrying unnecessarily - I think most people would just be happy to be there for you both and to enjoy the day - don’t fret lovely - I would think oh how lovely she’s got her close friends with her - how exciting and something super to look forward to you. Many congratulations and best wishes 💕

ElderMillennial · 12/07/2021 12:39

Who is going to notice?

It's also not that unusual

ReallySeriouslyNope · 12/07/2021 12:40

Absolutely no one will notice. They'll all have a lovely time and so will you.

30degreesandmeltinghere · 12/07/2021 12:41

I only had 2 friends at our wedding. Dh had none!!
Still had a fantastic day!

ReallySeriouslyNope · 12/07/2021 12:42

Actually, I've just realised that at my wedding all our friends were originally my DH's friends that became my friends. I think I had 1 friend from before DH and I got together.

MoreAloneTime · 12/07/2021 12:43

Wouldn't judge, I know how difficult making new friends is and how you can get to a point where you're more likely to drift from old ones than make new ones

TreeSmuggler · 12/07/2021 12:48

I don't think anyone would judge. I had about 20 friends at my wedding, my DH had none at all. It was no secret obviously but I don't think anyone noticed even though it wasn't a big wedding - with family of all different ages etc it isn't really clear who belongs to who, who is family vs who is a friend etc.

CrouchEndTiger12 · 12/07/2021 12:50

I'd hardly anyone to invite. Don't care. Rather people I was close to than a load of acquaintances.

It'll be a great day.

TakeYourFinalPosition · 12/07/2021 12:52

I really worried about this before we got married... DH have a lot of mutual friends, but my friends are definitely spread about more, and I have less of them.

In the end, we got married under restrictions, so had to cut down to 30 people anyway. After his family and our mutual friends, we each had four friends and their partners attend...

And then one of them stopped talking to me three days afterward. She'd been a pain in the run-up, too, but she was my oldest friend. It irritates me far more that she came and looked miserable in all the photos than that it's one less "friend" of mine.

Honestly, you'll have a wonderful day, nobody will be counting how many friends are "yours", and it's not unusual. Just enjoy yourself. Congratulations!

motogogo · 12/07/2021 12:59

I wouldn't think anything of it. We don't have huge numbers of friends, I have 1 very good lifelong friend and a few people I keep in touch with one of whom is a vicar so would probably marry me if we marry. What matters is that the people you want there are

Garfunkle · 12/07/2021 12:59

We only had 25 guests at our wedding. My two friends were bridesmaids. DH had one friend (best man). The rest were family, all mine except DH mother who was his only relative.

It was small, everyone we wanted to be there were there. We splashed out more on the reception which we wouldn’t have been able to do if we had more guests. Give me quality over quantity any day.

We all had a lovely day and I wouldn’t change a thing.

Stop worrying OP. Enjoy your day x

nocturnalcatfreetogoodhome · 12/07/2021 13:07

I work with a girl who is in a group of ten 'besties'. She had them all as bridesmaids. I have never heard her say a nice word about any of them.

Quality ALWAYS over quantity. I would prefer to be in your situation completely.

maxelly · 12/07/2021 13:09

I honestly probably wouldn't even notice, I tend to assume all the guests that are in the bride and groom's peer group/age range are mutual friends of the couple to be honest - you might ask people how they came to know the couple but I wouldn't think it particularly strange if the majority knew the groom first before the bride. The olden days of 'bride or groom' seating in the church and strict divisions of whose 'side' you are attending the wedding for are long gone, these days as couples usually live together for years and have completely shared lives before marriage means a wedding is less about the bringing together of two disparate groups of family/friends than it used to be so I really don't see why people would judge or think it strange.

I have been to the odd wedding where it was nearly all family in attendance and very few friends of the couple at all, for various reasons (religious/cultural/practical/financial) and sometimes I've had a passing thought that it's a bit of a shame if neither of the couple have one or two friends close enough to come/invite to their wedding but it's not like a shameful thing - personally I probably only have a handful of people I am really close to and a wider circle of 'acquaintances' and I think that's pretty common, I'd go so far as to say the case for the majority once you finish school/university unless you are lucky enough to live or work very closely with your friends, social media can make it seem otherwise of course but please don't worry or let it cast a shadow over your day!

milinhas · 12/07/2021 13:10

I guarantee no one will notice! Don’t have “sides” in the church / registry office and then there’s literally no way of knowing.

Moonwhite · 12/07/2021 13:32

Aren't some of them your friends by now? Assuming you're not doing that old-fashioned thing of his and hers sides in church, no-one is going to be totting up a friend count!

TiredButDancing · 12/07/2021 13:33
  1. It sounds like your DH's friends are/will be your friends so you do have friends.
  1. Are you happy with your friends or are you lonely and wish you had more? Because assuming you are happy, why would anyone else care.
  1. Please don't not invite people who live far away just because they live far away. It's perfectly okay to make it clear that you are not pressuring them but if they were able to travel you'd love to see them. DH's family, who live far away, don't bother to invite us to weddings etc and I find it very upsetting as we absolutely might be able to make holiday plans etc to accommodate but we aren't even told it's happening. If a friend who is living in New Zealand gets engaged to her boyfriend and doesn't at least let me know the date so I have the option to see if there's anyway I can make it, I'd be devastated as she might live far away but I still consider her one of my best friends.
PattyPan · 12/07/2021 13:33

I wouldn’t think anything of it. I think it’s better to have a few close friends than a massive circle, nobody has time for that Grin

AprilAzpilicueta · 12/07/2021 13:36

I would think you're probably the type of person who has a small group of very close friends rather than the type of person who has a very large group of more casual friends.

Original poster
CluelessBride · 12/07/2021 13:51

Thanks everyone, that's made me feel a lot better actually. We aren't planning to have "sides" in the ceremony so you're right that people probably won't notice.

A PP asked if I'm friends with his friends too. Due to the pandemic, meeting a lot of his friends or at least getting to know them properly really went on hold. So there will be a lot of people there that I've only met a couple of times (a few that I've never met before). I'm absolutely fine with this.

It was more a bit of a realisation that I just don't have a circle of friends really and whether that would reflect on me. But you're right that it doesn't really matter, we are both so excited to be married to each other and it's a nice group of people coming to celebrate so I should stop worrying!

OP posts:
Original poster
CluelessBride · 12/07/2021 13:52

I should add my future MIL is lovely but did seem a bit bemused that, for example, my hen party is only 6 people and most of those are family. That and the invitations just made me overthink I guess

OP posts:
BubbleBathBitch · 12/07/2021 14:02

I wouldn't give two shits xxx

babybunny123 · 12/07/2021 14:08

I can count my friends on one hand, but they are true friends not just acquaintances. Have a lovely wedding.

Garfunkle · 12/07/2021 14:14

I should add my future MIL is lovely but did seem a bit bemused that, for example, my hen party is only 6 people and most of those are family. That and the invitations just made me overthink I guess

I didn’t plan on having a hen night tbh. I only had 2 close friends. Anyway they invited me out to the pub “for a drink”. They arranged for my mum, my sister and my cousin to be there too. They didn’t invite MaiL (oops! 😬). It was unexpected and a really lovely night.

This was 30 years ago mind when a hen night was a few girls getting together for a drink before the big day. A far cry from the pantomime that a hen night involves now…. A long weekend abroad, limousine to the airport, different, matching clothes for each themed night, a tee shirt depicting the name of the “hen” blah blah.

I wouldn’t be able to afford to go on a hen weekend these days 😵‍💫

You’ll have a lovely hen night and wedding day OP…. With no stress 💐

Earwigworries · 12/07/2021 14:15

It’s very difficult to be a good quality friend to lots of people OP - there’s nothing wrong with your small numbers - lots of people are naturally outgoing and mix up what are really acquaintances with friends