Will my new name sound stupid

[Nosurname]

DP and I are due to get married next year, and I am thinking about what to do with our surnames.

He wants to keep his, and he has asked me to take his name too, but respects it’s my choice.

I don’t feel any connection to my surname but I do worry when it comes to it, it may feel like a bigger deal than I’m anticipating- would love to know how other brides found this?

But also my DPs name is very obviously Asian in origin, and I am very obviously not. I also have a very unusual Scandinavian name that people already struggle with.
Will it be stupid to mix the two? Has anyone else done anything similar?

They sound odd together to my ear but I appreciate that it will of course sound odd as I’m used to my current surname
And people already think my name is odd, so what difference does it make?!

Well without actually knowing what the names are you aren't going to get very much realistic feedback.

I'm going out on a limb and saying could it be something like Patel and Karlsson?

I also think you're most likely over thinking it.

I think you are over thinking it and that mixed heritage names are pretty common. However, I don't think you should feel under any obligation to change your surname if you don't want to.

Just keep your own!
Irritating that he's so keen to keep his own but is asking you to change yours.

Thanks I can’t really give them here I don’t think So I appreciate that @pinkplantpotspot
But I was hoping to find out if other people had reservations about how their names ‘went’ together and what they decided to do.
Or if they just got used to it and it eventually sounded normal to them.

@Littlefluffyclouds13 I really don’t have any connection at all with my surname and though I did consider it as a feminist, if his name definitely sounded nice with mine, I would change mine. he isn’t controlling or in any way demanding about this or anything else so I respect that in this case it’s just his preference

I have a very British/ Muslim mixed surname (not this, but think Morrison-Khan).

It's totally fine. Never ever been an issue. And I quite like being unique.

Why would you even consider ‘respecting a preference’ from someone that you arbitrarily change your birth name to his, when he won’t even consider changing his to yours?

It’s weird you keep saying you ‘have no connection to your surname’. You don’t have to feel wildly emotional about it, but it’s presumably been your name since you were born. Why would you change it?

My Maiden Name l hated, l took my first Husbands surname, but didn’t realise until afterwards that it could easily be mistakenly spelt to mean something quite Rude! I was glad to see the back of that one!

My second DH’s Surname is quite long and fairly unusual, said quickly, it sounds quite Russian, but actually originates from a small town in Cheshire. I have now become quite accustomed to spelling it out for people without them having to ask, as it’s not very easy to fathom!

When my Mum was alive, she had a word for going for a Poo that was fairly common around the area we lived, and considered a fairly quaint polite way of saying where a family member had gone to.
After she passed away, my Dad remarried a rather snobby Woman, who insisted in Double Barrelling her surname name with my Dads, but l could not stop laughing when l first heard it, it was my Mums word plus my Dads Surname, they were now officially Mr and Mrs ShitSmith!

I’m trying to think of how to do this without outing the couple...

I know an Irish/Chinese couple. She (Chinese) is a feminist and wanted her children to have her name as well as his. They now have a double barrelled name. The husband uses it as well as the wife and kids.

It’s something like

Ling-Hennessy

I think it’s very cool.

I actually like the ‘fusion’ of two names from completely different nationalities.

I have a friend with a very Irish first name and a very Asian surname and I like it.

@MindtheBelleek but why should he have to change his name? I don’t have to change mine either. I would also like the family to have one name, and that’s the obvious choice. It’s ok if other people don’t want to change their names either, that’s their choice.
It has been my name since birth but it’s the name of a parent and a side of my family I do not and really would rather not have connection with. I have an unusual first name, and that feels like my ‘identity’ more than the surname.

@Sandgrown1970

I’m trying to think of how to do this without outing the couple...

I know an Irish/Chinese couple. She (Chinese) is a feminist and wanted her children to have her name as well as his. They now have a double barrelled name. The husband uses it as well as the wife and kids.

It’s something like

Ling-Hennessy

I think it’s very cool.

That is very cool! Unfortunately both our surnames are 3 syllables long and I think it’s too much!

I meant to add but perhaps I’ll still get the same effect with my first name his surname and that could work then maybe!

I have dh's first name as my surname.. I didn't want to have the same surname as his dps...

That is very cool!
Unfortunately both our surnames are 3 syllables long and I think it’s too much!

Their full surnames are more like “Wai-Ling” and “O’Hennessy”

So instead of

Liu Wai Ling O’Hennessy and David Wai Ling O’ Hennessy

It’s Liu Ling-Hennessy and David Ling-Hennessy

Is there a shortened combo of both names that could work?

[quote Nosurname]@MindtheBelleek but why should he have to change his name? I don’t have to change mine either. I would also like the family to have one name, and that’s the obvious choice. It’s ok if other people don’t want to change their names either, that’s their choice.
It has been my name since birth but it’s the name of a parent and a side of my family I do not and really would rather not have connection with. I have an unusual first name, and that feels like my ‘identity’ more than the surname.[/quote]
No reason why he should. Merely pointing out the asymmetry of two people getting married, and one wanting the other to change her name, but no reciprocal expectation.

And these threads are always bizarrely full of women claiming to dislike or feel disconnected from their birth surnames, but with fiancés who seem to feel deeply attached to theirs to the extent of wanting their wife to adopt it too.

@MindtheBelleek I understand your position, and clearly the expectation is sexist
But I don’t want to merge the names
I don’t want different names
And I don’t want to double barrel the names, so here we are

Non of the options I can see are particularly feminist, neither are a lot of the elements of getting married
So it is what it is
I’m going to pick my feminist battles and juggle that with what works for my lifestyle

these threads are always bizarrely full of women claiming to dislike or feel disconnected from their birth surnames, but with fiancés who seem to feel deeply attached to theirs to the extent of wanting their wife to adopt it too.

always

Start again with a surname that is completely new to you both. Windsor perhaps? It's been done before.

I know a couple who have merged surnames, could that work for you?
So say they were Williams and Johnson, they are now Williamson (not their real names).
I think that's better than double-barrelling. I always wonder, with couples who double barrel their name and give that to their kids, what happens when their kids get married, do they take on a third barrel for their name?
But to answer your question, I think I would struggle to give up my name, not that I feel a particular attachment to it but it's just always been mine.

It is work to change your name. In my opinion, unnecessary work so I didn't do it. Not sure what is evolved if you change to something completely different. Deed poll?

In answer to your Q, I think you will get used to it. Babies tend to 'become' their name so that you can't imagine them as anything else and I think you will too.

And I also think it's fine to change your name because as far as I can see, changing my name has made my life (especially with dc) overall easier and had no effect on whether DH treats me as an equal person in our relationship I do wonder if men generally are socialised to be proud of their names because there was no chance of him changing his and I just could not care less. Interestingly he spends a lot of time drilling into the dds 'we are team X' 'Xs don't give up' etc so I'm looking forward to seeing if they are more attached to their maiden name than I ever was.