Given up on wedding altogether.?

[takemebackto2006]

My and DP tried to plan our wedding last year after 3 years planning and 8 years together. May 2020 - of course it got cancelled. Tried again for October - 2nd lockdown - cancelled again.
We rebooked for august but I'm now pregnant so we've cancelled (we were going to anyway as we didn't want another year of uncertainty) which typically looks like it could've gone ahead!
But I kind of feel like I've spat my dummy out about a wedding, I spent so long and put so much into planning it and it just got cancelled. I feel resentful to all the people before me who didn't have that happen to them. I understand the pandemic is much bigger than this - I lost my sister aged 23 during the pandemic so I do sympathise with people who lost loved ones.
But I just feel like I can't go through the stress again of trying to sort who's invited and who isn't, seating plans, where people stay prior and just the stress and arguments all over again.
I literally think fuck it now and once this baby is older it'll be either a registry office or Gretna green job with only immediate family anyway - not the 100+ and big night do we had planned.
Does anyone else feel this way? x

I feel your disappointment. How about a small register office wedding, and a big wedding party when it is more convenient and safe to do so?

We swapped our bigger wedding for a small one last summer. It was due to be May 2020, cancelled. Moved to June, cancelled again. We booked August and said if that didn’t happen, we’d get married in a registry office just the two of us. We pulled it off... totally different to what we’d planned, not many people just some close friends and family, but it was lovely. I wouldn’t change a thing... especially as I’m now pregnant, so we’d be going for a registry office this spring/summer if we hadn’t done it already, as we both wanted to be married first.

We had six other friends due to get married last year... two have rebooked for this year, three have got married just with family at registry offices, one has postponed and said they’ll probably wait a few years. You’re not alone in feeling that it’s a lot of work, and the fun has been sapped from it a bit...

Congratulations on the baby!

Do what's best for you. We eloped abroad and then had a blessing and party in the UK a few months after so no-one was left out. It was the best way for us. Congratulations on your pregnancy and sorry to hear about your sister

Sorry for the loss of your sister

We recently scrapped our large wedding (due to two cancelled covid dates) and had a 15 person wedding last weekend, where we Facebook Lived it to everyone else. It was SO good and so relaxed, and everyone who tuned in got dressed up. Maybe something low key like that?

Congratulations on the baby!
Marriage isn't just about the big wedding party - there are lots of advantages to being married if you decide to be the main carer of your dc and reduce your earning potential.
There are also other legal statuses like being formally recognised as next of kin etc etc.
It's worth thinking about getting married regardless of weather you get the party you were planning or not.

I'm a bit late to this, but totally understand - we FINALLY got married on Saturday, but had to cancel 3 other dates before that.

It wasn't what we wanted, and to be honest if you'd asked me last week I would have said we just wanted to get it over with so we didn't have to face any more disappointment! We just wanted to start our married life and not have this cloud of 'what will happen' hanging over us

The day was clouded a bit by not having the full experience of the lead up and lots of important people not there, and I'll be honest the joy and excitement had been sucked out of it months before which I will always regret

We had a lovely day all the same and the fact that we had finally got there made it felt really special and emotional. We are having a proper celebration next year and we will do it all then!

Elope ronantically now, whilst it's still the two of you, and have a wedding shebang later when you feel up to hosting a big party (which can be as wedding-y or different as you like)

We got legally married with 2 witnesses in the summer after scrapping our third wedding attempt.
We now plan on having a big party ,me the bride etc perhaps next year.
It's something to consider

I'm a bit like this. We were supposed to marry April 2020. Almost every thing had been paid for when we had to cancel in march. We are now on our 5th date in august. Lost a close family member to suicide a few months ago. Have done absolutely nothing about this wedding other than try on a dress that doesnt fit anymore as I've put on around 10lbs. I feel numb and cant imagine it even being allowed to go ahead how it is currently booked. I cant make all the decisions I need to. Some of my bridesmaids were young and no longer fit in their dresses. I dont have a hairdresser and tbh my family are still broken from the last few months. OH says it happens 5th time or not at all and weve had a row tonight which tbh is only the 2nd through the whole fiasco so pretty good going

@IndiaMay
@takemebackto2006
Sorry to read what you’ve gone through. It sounds like such a difficult time.

If you do decide to go for a small registry they can still be special, meaningful and less stressful but obviously depends what you want.

I would take your very closest family to the registry office and get married right now.

Put the money you were going to spend on the wedding into savings and maybe even add a bit to it here and there. In a few years this will all be over and you can plan an amazing anniversary party/wedding reception without worrying about the restriction or the week. You can even repeat the wedding if you want. People will understand because of Covid, I really doubt this will be rare.

@Castlepeak that would be nice if we hadnt already paid for it the best part of 18 months ago. Insurance doesnt cover change of heart which is what cancelling would be when it can technically go ahead. We would save on food and drink by having less people but the venue has been paid for and would be an awful waste for a handful of people and would feel so empty. But it could be an idea

Yes, do it - think of the money you’ll save.

Maybe this will be an unexpected effect of the pandemic - a move to simpler weddings after years of increasingly expensive ones.

We really wouldnt save much. We are having a buffet and drinks for hopefully 80. If we cut to just our parents and siblings it would be for 12. No grandparents or friends. Seems very sad. As venue, cars, flowers, suits, rings, dj etc were paid in march 2020 (6 weeks before it was due to happen) we wouldnt be able to refund on that

OP we were in your situation - 3 cancellations last year. In the end we buggered off to the coast and did it ourselves. It was 100% the right decision and one of the best days of my life.

If you just want to be married, there's nothing stopping you

I'd also do a registry office wedding, especially as you're pregnant and things will change.

Maybe you could have a big party for your first anniversary.

So sorry for your loss.
Know how you feel about weddings getting cancelled though mine has been cancelled twice because I fell pregnant both times. Now I'm looking into a registry office for 15 people max