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Original poster

Get married when baby is 1 or 2?

16 replies

sarah13xx · 19/04/2021 22:08

Hi, I am due our first baby in August. We are considering getting married next August when our baby will be 1. We ideally want a summer wedding because the main thing I have always wanted is pictures taken on a particular beach. Although originally I decided against this idea because I didn’t want my maternity leave to be spent panicking about losing enough weight to fit into a wedding dress etc. I’m now thinking we could wait a few months after baby is here to see whether we’d want to get married in August 2022 or wait til 2023. I always said I wouldn’t be one of these people who waits ages after getting engaged to get married 🙈 So basically best to get married when our little one is 1 or wait til he’s 2? X

OP posts:

Ellasmummyx1 · 19/04/2021 22:11

EvilOnion · 19/04/2021 22:13

We got married when #2 was 1.5 years and it was fine, we had a very small registry thing with a few close family members, meal and home for tea/cake rather than a big do though! I don't deal with attention 🤣

I end up making my vows with her on my hip as she was a leech of a child who would scream blue murder with anyone except me or DH!

Basically I don't think it matters, do it when you want.

PinkCookie11 · 19/04/2021 22:14

I’d say 1!
Could be walking but wouldn’t be running wild round the room like a 2 year old, their very manageable if walking at 1!
Plus more nap times🤣

Graphista · 19/04/2021 22:19

ASAP - it's not about the wedding it's about the legal and financial protection it gives you and baby. You seem overly fixated on the image side of things.

Re wedding dress you buy a dress to fit you not alter yourself to fit the dress. A well chosen dress and good seamstress and you will still look stunning. Your body alters permanently with pregnancy and birth (it's not just weight gain. Your bones move, muscles elongate etc) so I'd advise not trying dresses on until after the birth. Actually I'd even give it a few months to allow your body to "settle".

Congratulations on your engagement and baby

IHateThinkingUpANewUsername · 19/04/2021 22:21

I’d go with 2 as they will probably not want to nap but at 1 will still need it and you don’t want to be rocking a buggy for half an hour in your wedding dress. A 2 year old can go the day without napping if need be.

I was still bf at 1 and I’d rather not have to choose a dress based on bf friendliness/ get a whole tit out at the top table / have to hide away to bf - though this isn’t an issue if you won’t be bf.

My two year old would enjoy having a role in the wedding / the dancing and interacting with guests - at 1 she was still mainly focused on us so probably would’ve said my vows holding a child / eaten with a baby on my lap.

Overall, they are much more of a person at 2 so a more entertaining guest to have at a wedding.

firstimemamma · 19/04/2021 22:26

We are getting married this summer and ds is a few months shy of 3. It's perfect for us.

When he was 1 I was breastfeeding him 4 times a day so I wouldn't have wanted to get married then. Also he'd only just started consistently sleeping through the night at one so I'd have appreciated a bit of time to feel a bit more human first before doing something such as get married.

Each to their own but you've got no idea what your baby will be like at 1 or any idea of what life is like with a baby at all just yet so I'd wait until after the birth before committing to a decision. Have a lovely day whatever you decide

Original poster

sarah13xx · 19/04/2021 22:29

@EvilOnion

I end up making my vows with her on my hip as she was a leech of a child who would scream blue murder with anyone except me or DH!

Basically I don't think it matters, do it when you want.

I don’t deal with attention either 🙈 so I would be trying to make it as small as I could get away with. Hence why I’m thinking if I just rushed to arrange it next year while there’s maybe still some limits on numbers, venues etc it would be a good excuse 😂 I’d just like it to be a nice day to get married outside at a small place beside the beach, some pictures on the beach then a casual party at night. Really don’t like the idea of all the speeches etc due to hating the attention being on me 🙈 Maybe I’m best to wait til the start of 2022 and see whether I think it would be doable by the summer of that year!

OP posts:

BrilloSolar · 19/04/2021 22:31

I'm finding my DC a lot more challenging at 2 than he was at 1, but I find him a lot easier now to leave with in-laws as he is much more independent and really happy to get all the attention from them and forget about me! Might be worth thinking about if some else is available to look after them all day.

Not what you asked but if you are getting married in 2022, you really need to get booking. With so many wedding postponed because if Covid, many places and suppliers are already booked up for 2022.

And finally- my birthday is in mid August. The weather is always shit and cold! Don't rely on being able to have beach photos just because it's summer!

Original poster

sarah13xx · 19/04/2021 22:34

@firstimemamma yes this is very true! This is why I didn’t want to go ahead and plan everything for close to his first birthday (when I don’t even know when that is) if I’m just going to panic about how I wish I’d waited a year once he’s here! If I bf I’m planning to stop before 1 but that still might not happen. I’ve never really been someone overly excited about getting married or wanting to go round all the shops with bridesmaids etc, I’d ideally make it as low key as possible to avoid stress 🙈

OP posts:

Original poster

sarah13xx · 19/04/2021 22:38

@BrilloSolar yeah I know, the main attraction of the type of casual(ish) wedding I’m picturing would be the fact it would be a nice day 🙈 but you can’t guarantee that any time in Scotland!

I know, I’m not fussed on a lot of things. The only one thing I was sure I wanted was a specific humanist that I had seen at someone else’s wedding, she was lovely. I emailed her to enquire about dates for next year so I could at least make sure she’d be there but she hasn’t got back to me yet. He’s the only grand child on both sides so I think they will be fighting to look after him but as you say it’s maybe easier if he’s older and willing to go with them. I suppose there’s always later on next year or spring in 2023 as well 😕 it’s just so hard to decide!

OP posts:

Whoateallthechocolate · 19/04/2021 22:40

Our DC were 5 & 3 which turned out to be a great age. They both remember it, enjoyed the day and were old enough for us to happily leave them with grandparents for the best part of a week whilst we went off on honeymoon.
I've always had more assets than now DH so wasn't worried about getting married for the financial protection etc as I'm actually worse off if we break up now than I would be had I remained unmarried.

Original poster

sarah13xx · 19/04/2021 22:41

@IHateThinkingUpANewUsername haha yes this is kind of what I was imagining. I can just picture a 2 year old wanting to dance etc whereas a 1 year old might be sat crying in his buggy in the corner 😕 I just don’t know if I want to wait til 2023 but then also don’t want to rush and waste the best time with him while he’s so small by stressing about a wedding 🙈

OP posts:

Original poster

sarah13xx · 19/04/2021 22:44

@Whoateallthechocolate yeah they sound like great ages! That’s the only thing with a 1 or probably 2 year old as well is they’d need to come the honeymoon 😂 I suppose we could always go a nice holiday at a later date without him if we were desperate to.
I wouldn’t really be thinking about it from that point of view either, I know a lot of people do though

OP posts:

Graphista · 19/04/2021 23:22

Not what you asked but if you are getting married in 2022, you really need to get booking. With so many wedding postponed because if Covid, many places and suppliers are already booked up for 2022.

Good point - even in a "normal" year the most popular venues can be booked up to 3 years in advance for summer weddings

StrongInside · 20/04/2021 19:10

I would say at least 3. At 1 I couldn’t possibly leave my LO and enjoy myself, sleepless nights made it impossible to function, let alone have a good time. At 2, temper tantrums at us hugging, kissing or even speaking, plus and awkward nap time.

StrongInside · 20/04/2021 19:19

I agree with @firstimemamma Wait till after the birth. Some women develop PND and a wedding could be the last thing on your mind. Or being woken up 4-7 times a night for nearly a year, like I was. A lot of toddlers choose 5-5.30am as their start to the day for a while, so it’s worth waiting to see how yours turns out and how you feel physically and emotionally. What’s the rush.

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