how far is to far for elderly relatives

[rosydreams]

So my other half and i have been together 10 plus years.We have always talked about pushing back our wedding till a time when things are more financially stable.

But the thing is his grandfather has been given 2 years ,i know how important this would be to his grandmother and grandfather .But the earliest i think we could pull this off would be summer 2022.Meaning god knows what his health will be like .

Now the logistics we have family in the states,Blackpool and Sussex .We live in Hertfordshire but need to find a location that's not to far for frail relatives to travel .Yet not so far from the family at each end of the country. We have a lot of relatives and i mean a lot plus everyone had baby's .

I feel like were opening a can of worms

I think you need to book a date for as soon as you can manage and make it near to where your partners grandparents live. People will come or not as they choose.

Can you arrange lifts? My DH’s very elderly grandfather (90s in a wheelchair) came from Wales to Cambridge for our wedding because DH’s DAunt could drive him. He seemed to have a ball!

Agree with @mdh2020
I would also scale back the wedding to be smaller so you can have it sooner.

Sorry for being a bit grim, and I hope very much that has DGF beats the odds.

But a 2 year terminal prognosis may well mean that is the latest that the person is expected to live to, and does not allow for quality of living fe or duration of final illness. People can and do make great efforts to get to a wedding, or their final family occasion, but planning a year or so ahead is impossible, and wherever you hold it, it might be unsuitable (they may not want to travel at all, especially if zonked from palliative drugs).

I'd urge you to have the wedding this year unless it is totally impossible (and I mean impossible, not just falling a bit short of dream plans)

Hold it near where you live, or near the grandparents.

of course a family member in Blackpool will drive them that's not a problem it just i worry about how far is to far for them.I couldn't really scale back ,every member of my family has invited the whole family to their weddings its not fair on anyone.But i don't see us able to bring it forward not will all the restrictions some of our family in the usa

so look more up north i think the earliest would be may but the logistics oml

I’d second not waiting until summer 2022. It makes it a tough decision, but I wouldn’t be at all sure that he’ll be there then.

My husband’s grandmother was given three years, and we planned our wedding for 14 months later. Unfortunately she’d already left us by then... she didn’t really deteriorate, she just passed on, so there was no real warning. It felt very strange not having her there. We’d have swapped a bigger day for one where she was there, hands down.

You could have a small, intimate wedding near your GPs as soon as restrictions permit. Then they get to see their granddaughter married and have a celebration with closest family.

You can have a bigger celebration with everyone next year and if GPs can attend that it will be a lovely bonus.

@AuntieStella

Sorry for being a bit grim, and I hope very much that has DGF beats the odds.

But a 2 year terminal prognosis may well mean that is the latest that the person is expected to live to, and does not allow for quality of living fe or duration of final illness. People can and do make great efforts to get to a wedding, or their final family occasion, but planning a year or so ahead is impossible, and wherever you hold it, it might be unsuitable (they may not want to travel at all, especially if zonked from palliative drugs).

I'd urge you to have the wedding this year unless it is totally impossible (and I mean impossible, not just falling a bit short of dream plans)

Hold it near where you live, or near the grandparents.

100% this I'm afraid.

Sorry OP but it sounds like you can't have everything:
DGF there
Family from USA there
Location accessible for all relatives

It sounds like all these together aren't going to be easily possible.

So you need to prioritise, which are the most important, as you can't please everyone.

As PP say if having DGF there is priority number one then it must be this year with that prognosis, sorry to say.

I'm booking a holiday cottage for our family to meet up this summer. We have decided that 2hrs is the maximum distance for my mum to travel and even then we will blank out the next day for her to rest and recover.
Part of the problem is that in the last year, the longest she has spent in a car is 30 mins and in recent months has gone no more than 5k from home so it all seems very daunting and exhausting for her.

I second having a small wedding very near your grandparents soon, then a larger celebration i n 2022.