Who is it normal to buy gifts for?

[weeweddingwoman]

Brides parents have paid for 99% of the wedding so presumably a fairly substantial gift for them? Plus a lot of help with actual organisation.

Grooms parents have paid for one thing possibly 5% of the value of what brides parents have spent?

Other people involved are two adult bridesmaids and one flower girl so what to get for them?

Help pleaseeeee!!

I think it’s ‘normal’ to buy flowers for the couples mothers, and present them as part of the speeches and ushers/ bridesmaids/ best man/ moh are normally given beforehand.

Just flowers? That doesn’t feel enough to thank them, well my parents anyway. I don’t want to do the wrong thing

Are you the bride? If so then flowers for each set of parents and a small gift for each of the bridesmaids and pages.

If you are a guest then only a gift for the bride and groom.

You'd be buying them a present with their own money then? Flowers for your mum and an effusive thankyou in the speech. Plus cover any accommodation they might need.

@weeweddingwoman

Just flowers? That doesn’t feel enough to thank them, well my parents anyway. I don’t want to do the wrong thing

It is perfectly sufficient. It's what we did.

We took both sets of parents for a very fancy meal after the wedding as a thank you.

Flowers for the mums is standard. Bunches of equal size regardless of financial contribution. Perhaps something like jewellery to wear on the day for your attendants.

Sorry this is a drip feed but it’s a very small wedding with no speeches. I’d planned to give all gifts before or after the ceremony rather than it being a part of the evening’s entertainment.

Flowers for mothers.
Bridesmaid get to keep their jewellery, but are thanked and toasted.
Best man gets something like a book or cufflinks.

Excessive gifts are unnecessary and even possibly a bit tacky. It’s a celebration of marriage that is the main focus. What people have given financially is entirely immaterial. I’d expect my son in laws mother to receive the same bouquet as me, even though we are paying for the wedding and she won’t be contributing anything. To differentiate would be crass in the extreme.

Sometimes great grandma gets a token posy just for surviving long enough to be there.

Ha your last line made me snort!
Unfortunately none of ours made it.

I’m just so worried I’m going to come over as ungrateful and because it’s a very small and secret wedding I can’t even ask other family members opinions on what I should do.

My parents really aren’t going to think I’m an ungrateful madam if I just hand over a bunch of flowers when they’ve spent thousands? I know that’s what you’re all telling me, I’m just struggling to get my head round it.

I definitely don’t want to do anything tacky either though!

Totally outing but 🤷‍♀️
I got married a few weeks ago so totally understand you want it to be nice and memorable. If you are like me having scale down from 150 you have extra budget.
I got both my mother and mil hand embroidered handkerchiefs which they loved.
We are also taking my mum to manior de quatre saison to thank her for all her help at support (she loves Raymond bland and has been hugely supportive of us generally this year)
Sadly Father and FIL are no longer with us.

We got the "groomsmen" really nice leather washbags and mongramed hipflasks
"Bridesmaids" got monogrammed make up bags and a nice necklace (monica vinader/Alex munroe type)
We gave guests marble coasters with their names as wedding favours and got extras for people who we couldnt invite/couldn't attend (so they had a full set for their households)
Everyone loved them and no one left them behind!

As a mother of someone who hopefully will be able to get married next year with a wedding we’ve spent quite a bit on already, I can absolutely reassure you that your parents won’t think you’re ungrateful.

The pleasure is in being part of your day, of seeing the child they created and reared looking beautiful and beyond happy. You’re allowing that rather than disappear of without them. It’s a huge privilege for a parent to be actively involved in their child’s wedding. No gift could outshine that moment.

Maybe a well worded than you card with heartfelt appreciation for all they have given to you thus far - and I don’t mean a MacBook. I mean the love and support that made you who you are. Far more valuable than any diamond.

You sound lovely and the daughter any parent would love to have.

I bought Mum and MiL garden centre centre vouchers rather than the traditional flowers - firstly there were wedding flowers that were going to be binned so they could take some of those and secondly they were able the choose trees/ shurbs for their gardens as a permanent reminder. Every time I visit mum my wedding rose brings back happy memories nearly 20 years later.