Bridesmaids - how do I tell them this without causing upset?

[GreyAllTheWay]

We were due to get married in June after being together 10 years - obviously it got cancelled.
During lockdown one of my bridesmaids sadly passed away aged 24. It’s made us realise even more we don’t want to wait any longer to get married as you never know what’s round the corner. So have decided to go ahead with a small wedding next month.
The only thing is with the number restrictions, we have realised my 2 bridesmaids won’t be able to have a plus one. (I know both their husbands) to get to under 30 we have had to not have children apart from our own, and quite a few plus ones.
How do I tell them this?
We just can’t physically fit their partners in with the number restrictions.

I’d just tell them that; to be honest.

I had to tell a lot of people that we couldn’t accommodate them anymore... it was fine. I did let my bridesmaids bring their partners but they couldn’t bring their kids. They were all fine with it. One wasn’t sure if she’d be able to get childcare as she hadn’t left her children anywhere but it was all sorted in the end.

There’s no real way to dress it up but neither should your guests; and especially people close enough to be your bridesmaids, need you too. I’d just honestly say that you’ve done the numbers and you can’t fit their husbands in, but would love them to be there.

The only other advice I have is to be clear with them about what they can and can’t do now. You’re not allowed flowers for the bridesmaids or on the tables, and they’re not allowed to walk down the aisle, so bridesmaids duties are limited. Mine were a bit gutted by that!

Just tell them. I'm really sorry you lost your friend. X

Just tell them the truth.
If they strop about it then they’re not really your friends.

It's not your fault or choice, they'll understand xx

Just tell them, if they are good friends they will understand. We had the same with my fathers funeral, everyone understood. Hope you have a lovely time!

I’m so sorry for your loss.

Tell me truthfully, they will understand.

Sorry for the loss of your friend.

I agree with many of the posters, the matter is totally out of your hands and you shouldn't feel guilty about it.
I am sure they will understand

I am so sorry about your friend. You guys are just right not to wait and go with how you feel.

No one could be upset about this though, these are exceptional circumstances and they have to understand...

No real friend would be upset with the explanation that you just posted on here. If they do get upset with you then they aren't real friends. I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend, and you're right - life can be too short, you have to grab all the happiness that you can x

My dh would be thrilled if he didn't have to go to a wedding. He spends most of December trying to get out of the work Christmas party.

Agree that you just need to tell them. Everybody knows there are restrictions now.

I'm sorry about your friend.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Be honest with them. I am pretty sure that they will be so happy for you and not mind one bit

Unless you are letting other random guests bring plus ones, I don't see how they could get upset. With just 30, I assume the bulk of guests are family where, frankly, not inviting partners becomes very tricky which is particularly annoying if you don't like said partner. But with friends its difficult.

I think you just need to be clear about why you can't, and apologise.

Also, assuming your bridesmaids partners are your friends, perhaps arrange a celebratory dinner or something with the smaller group of friends at another time?

If I was your bridesmaid that wouldn’t bother me in the slightest.

I’m sorry for your loss.
Given that you didn’t make the rules I think it’s totally fine.
We had to be strict with a maximum number of 84- but it was our choice to choose that venue. Not your decision in this case.

My childhood friend has literally today invited a groups of us to her wedding and said due to covid only we are invited, its fine. None of us mind partners and children staying home. This year is definitely needs people to be understanding.

So sorry for your loss.

Just explain it to them. They'll understand. Sorry that you lost your friend.

It's not like you are choosing to not invite their partners because if cost issues or because you don't like them. It's because you cannot go over a certain number legally. I am sure they will completely understand if you just tell them.

Thank you very much everyone. I did as you all advised as I sent them both exactly the same heartfelt message on a chat between the 3 of us explaining the situation. They were both totally fine with it, and one said her husband had already offered to stay home and look after their little boy and he’s happy to not have to wear a suit!
DP has contacted his cousins with a similar message and not had a response yet so we’ll see.
Thank you for your condolences. It was very sudden and very unexpected and I kind of feel it’s changed my outlook in that I’ve realised it’s not about the big showy wedding and it’s about just us being married with the people we love the most there.
@ShellsAndSunrises have you got married lately then? What were the restrictions? Did the numbers include hotel staff? That’s been confusing us! We understand it has to include the photographer etc but we’re unsure if it’s hotel staff or not! Should I not bother with bridesmaid bouquets at all really then? xx

Glad it is all sorted. Just to say my sister got married in a church in July. We were allowed bridesmaid bouquets and we walked down the aisle. There was plenty of space for a wide aisle so we could maintain social distancing. I was bridesmaid with my daughter so obviously we didn't have to distance between ourselves. I don't know if the rules have changed or it's venue specific.

@GreyAllTheWay my cousin got married Saturday, she was allowed 30 people , she had bridesmaids they all walked down the aisle , had flowers , she had a photographer . You can now have a reception for up to 30 people I believe , but she just went back to her house and had food and drinks ( in her garden ) with just her immediate family . She's been engaged for 10 years and she lost her mum in March, she just wanted to get married .

Sorry to hear about your friend also

Thanks everyone. @BendingSpoons was singing banned at your sisters wedding? We’re having a church wedding also and don’t know if singing is allowed or not. Also, what about speeches? x

Yes singing was banned unfortunately. They had someone at the front playing music she sang the hymns but no-one else could join in. It was strange at first not to start singing but was actually quite nice, as sometimes people aren't that confident singing at weddings and it is too quiet, whereas this was amplified and she could obviously sing!

This was before the mid-August change when the wedding ceremony was allowed but not the reception, so I'm not sure about speeches. I would hope if the venue can set up somewhere to stand a bit away from everyone then it might be ok, as it would be one person at a time over two metres away. This presumably wouldn't be much different to the vicar performing the ceremony from a virus risk. If they aren't allowed could you pre-record them somehow?

I hope you have a lovely day and sorry for your loss We had a lovely day at my sister's wedding. It wasn't what was planned but it was really special to have this occasion right now and great to get dressed up etc.

Thank you everyone. My bridesmaids were absolutely fine and very like about no plus ones. DP’s cousins - not so happy and said they won’t be coming alone. But they do have a long way to travel so maybe that’s why. Which means bridesmaids can have plus ones after all!

Glad it’s sorted. Given the circumstances I don’t think anyone could be upset with you x

@SisterAgatha thank you. We had invited Rhys’ cousins and their parents but we weren’t able to invite their husbands, so both of them have said they won’t be coming.