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Original poster

Would you expect someone else to pay for your wedding ?

42 replies

Starlightexpress1 · 17/08/2020 21:29

How did you pay for your wedding ? When you got engaged did you assume that family members would be helping out or assisting with costs ? Or did you just think you would have to save and pay for the whole lot as a couple ?

OP posts:

Justmuddlingalong · 17/08/2020 21:31

We paid our own. Decisions were then ours and nobody else's.

bravotango · 17/08/2020 21:32

When we got engaged my parents told us how much they were able to contribute, then we looked at what our combined budget could afford. But we didn't ask for any money from anyone, it was offered.

Bluemooninmyeyes1 · 17/08/2020 21:33

I’m getting married next year and me and my partner are paying. We decided to get married so why should someone else pay? I find that quite bizarre. If family members wanted to contribute to certain aspects of it then that’s nice but I certainly wouldn’t expect other people to fund our wedding!

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/08/2020 21:36

If you’re old enough to get married you’re old enough to plan something you can afford to pay for yourselves. It costs under £200 to get married, anything on top of that is a nice to have.

We paid for ours, didn’t have to save up for more than a couple of months as it wasn’t very expensive. Wouldn’t change a thing.

greytminds · 17/08/2020 21:38

Paid for it ourselves. Absolutely no assumption that parents would pay! Only went ahead when we had the money to pay in full saved up. My in-laws kindly gave us £1000 which we did really appreciate, and they asked us to invite some extended family which we happily agreed to.

Tinyhumansurvivalist · 17/08/2020 21:41

Saved and paid ourselves. My parents did help us out with bits but the money was never assumed or needed.

MindyStClaire · 17/08/2020 21:42

Surely this depends on culture and individual family circumstances/traditions? My parents had long made it clear that there was a sum put aside for each of us for a wedding or house deposit to be used as we wished. Withdrawing that offer would've obviously been absolutely their right, but a bit of a dick move (and wouldn't have changed our plans). However, in a family struggling to pay the bills, obviously it would be completely unreasonable to expect more than a token gift.

minnieok · 17/08/2020 21:43

My parents paid. They insisted but it was fairly cheap (for a wedding) at £1600

mnahmnah · 17/08/2020 21:46

We absolutely assumed we would be paying ourselves. As it happened, my mum bought my dress and my in-laws gave us £1000 towards things, which was brilliant but not expected. But everything else we saved up and paid for.

Jemma2907 · 17/08/2020 21:46

My parents paid for my whole wedding, I think its was about 30k. They also did the same for my sister (who got married about 5 years before me). My brother hasn't got married yet but I'm pretty certain they would pay for that too if he wanted them too. For my parents it was something they always wanted to do and planned for it. They also had a lot of their friends there and family friends etc. which I probably wouldnt have if I'd been paying.

bathorshower · 17/08/2020 21:49

We paid, which meant we made the choices. DM wanted champagne for the toasts, which we didn't object to, but did ask her to pay for, otherwise we covered the cost.

DramaAlpaca · 17/08/2020 21:49

My parents paid, they wouldn't have had it any other way. Probably so they could control things. It was so stressful with many rows and disagreements. Honestly, if I could go back in time DH & I would pay for it ourselves.

TheFlis12345 · 17/08/2020 21:49

Our parents paid for ours, they could easily afford it and we’re happy to do so (we didn’t ask, they offered). My parents contributed approx 75% and his 25%, my parents were happy to cover the whole thing but his parents insisted. On MN people always seem to be horrified if parents buy more than a round of drinks but it’s absolutely the norm in our circle that parents pay for the majority.

Westiegirl3 · 17/08/2020 21:59

My parents brought by dress and paid for the photographer and transport, we covered everything else..

Always remember you don't have to have a wedding to have a marriage

BlueSlice · 17/08/2020 22:12

We paid for ours ourselves (just a few hundred). But each parent did then also gift us some money, which was incredibly lovely of them.

Endogal · 17/08/2020 23:24

We fully expected to be paying for it but my dad was very taken aback that I thought I'd be paying for my own wedding! We agreed a budget (same as what we'd have been willing to spend ourselves), I have gone slightly over but will be covering this difference myself. My mum was very insistent about her paying for my dress (still a second hand one as I'd have got if I was paying). Neither parent has made any demands about guest list or tried to control any aspect so I have been very lucky in that aspect!

KeepingPlain · 05/09/2020 09:23

My parents have gifted us a fairly large amount for the wedding, we are currently saving money each month for it and I've budgeted literally everything on an excel sheet. His parents I imagine will pay for stuff too, they are lovely like that. I'm going to guess that when we go to the shop for suits for everyone, his dad will go and pay for it while everyone else is getting changed.

Winner2020 · 07/09/2020 08:32

We didn't expect anything towards our wedding. (It's been postponed due to Covid). We're in our 40's, it's a second marriage for DP and we are having a relatively low key wedding.

My parents gave us £2K as a gift and my fiancé's parents paid for a short honeymoon which was incredibly generous of them all.

When/if my daughters get married I would
help with a cash gift but I wouldn't pay for the whole thing.

Standrewsschool · 07/09/2020 08:35

When you say family members, do you mean parents, or others as well.

Parents paid for mine many moons ago, although I gather it’s more usual for couples to pay themselves nowadays, perhaps with a contribution from parents.

OverTheRainbow88 · 07/09/2020 08:38

My parents gave us about 6k, In laws about 6k and we paid the rest.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 07/09/2020 08:41

We paid for ours - well, almost all. We booked everything we wanted and were ready to pay but MIL then contacted our florist and settled our bill for us, my Mum did the same with my dressmaker, and we had an open bar for the daytime guests which unbeknownst to me til the morning after, my Dad settled.

All very very kind surprises.

VettiyaIruken · 07/09/2020 08:42

We paid for it ourselves.

Lilybet1980 · 07/09/2020 08:46

We paid for most of ours and would happily have paid for it all. But I always knew that my parents would insist on contributing. Luckily this wasn’t done in a controlling way, it was just something they wanted to do.

My mum was also keen to help with organising/(making sure I didn’t leave everything to the last minute). So I let her get on with aspects that I wasn’t so fussed about, such as the cake and the evening food. There was no way I was letting her near the flowers or wine!

itbemay1 · 07/09/2020 08:49

We paid for our own but my parents did pay for some little bits and bobs. I also asked both sides to give us a list of who they wanted to invite, however we did not do a sit down meal etc, we got married in our local church and had a buffet and disco in the church hall. Was brilliant, we didn't want speeches etc

NoRoomInBed · 07/09/2020 08:49

My mum has said she will buy my wedding dress as long as it not more than £800 which is fine with me. But me and oh are paying everything else.

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