Wedding reading suggestions

[Timetospare]

Hi, I’ve been asked to select and read something at a wedding this September
They are getting married in their local church, and the vicar wants to ‘approve’ it but it doesn’t necessarily need to be religious. Bride has given me free reign for suggestions, I’m used to public speaking, but don’t want anything too twee.

Any suggestions for something warm hearted, maybe funny? Thanks

Short and sweet

Ogden Nash

To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

A WEDDING POEM BY PAM AYRES
Yes, I’ll marry you, my dear,
And here’s the reason why;
So I can push you out of bed
When the baby starts to cry,
And if we hear a knocking
And it’s creepy and it’s late,
I hand you the torch you see,
And you investigate.
Yes I’ll marry you, my dear,
You may not apprehend it,
But when the tumble-drier goes
It’s you that has to mend it,
You have to face the neighbour
Should our labrador attack him,
And if a drunkard fondles me
It’s you that has to whack him.
Yes, I’ll marry you,
You’re virile and you’re lean,
My house is like a pigsty
You can help to keep it clean.
That sexy little dinner
Which you served by candlelight,
As I do chipolatas,
You can cook it every night!
It’s you who has to work the drill
and put up curtain track,
And when I’ve got PMT it’s you who gets the flak,
I do see great advantages,
But none of them for you,
And so before you see the light,
I do, I do, I do!

LOVE pam ayres!

Oh, God, I find that Pam Eyres poem cringeworthy and misogynistic...

@Gubbeen it’s the opposite of misogynistic though? The whole thing is tongue in cheek, about taking advantage of the misogynistic stereotyping around marriage and flipping them to your own advantage and about picking someone who will do both the stereotypically male and female roles whilst you take advantage.

We had 'Us two' by A A Milne...

Wherever I am, there's always Pooh,
There's always Pooh and Me.
Whatever I do, he wants to do,
"Where are you going today?" says Pooh:
"Well, that's very odd 'cos I was too.
Let's go together," says Pooh, says he.
"Let's go together," says Pooh.

"What's twice eleven?" I said to Pooh.
("Twice what?" said Pooh to Me.)
"I think it ought to be twenty-two."
"Just what I think myself," said Pooh.
"It wasn't an easy sum to do,
But that's what it is," said Pooh, said he.
"That's what it is," said Pooh.

"Let's look for dragons," I said to Pooh.
"Yes, let's," said Pooh to Me.
We crossed the river and found a few-
"Yes, those are dragons all right," said Pooh.
"As soon as I saw their beaks I knew.
That's what they are," said Pooh, said he.
"That's what they are," said Pooh.

"Let's frighten the dragons," I said to Pooh.
"That's right," said Pooh to Me.
"I'm not afraid," I said to Pooh,
And I held his paw and I shouted "Shoo!
Silly old dragons!"- and off they flew.

"I wasn't afraid," said Pooh, said he,
"I'm never afraid with you."

So wherever I am, there's always Pooh,
There's always Pooh and Me.
"What would I do?" I said to Pooh,
"If it wasn't for you," and Pooh said: "True,
It isn't much fun for One, but Two,
Can stick together, says Pooh, says he. "That's how it is," says Pooh.

How about "I wannabe yours" by John Cooper-Clarke? It's about all of the really unglamorous ways a couple are compatible, and sure to raise a smile. We're having it at our (massively postponed) wedding next year.

Just seen someone got there first with the JCC recommendation - proof it's a winner, I reckon...

I asked my sister to read this at our wedding.

Love is friendship caught fire; it is quiet, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving.
It is loyalty through good and bad times.
It settles for less than perfection, and makes allowances for human weaknesses.
Love is content with the present, hopes for the future, and does not brood over the past.
It is the day-in and day-out chronicles of irritations, problems, compromises, small disappointments, big victories, and working toward common goals.
If you have love in your life, it can make up for a great many things you lack.
If you do not have it, no matter what else there is, it is not enough.

some great suggestions, just not sure how I'm going to do it without blubbing

I am thinking of having this for ours (civil ceremony)

On Your Wedding Day

Today is a day you will always remember
The greatest in anyone’s life
You’ll start off the day just two people in love
And end it as Husband and Wife

It’s a brand new beginning the start of a journey
With moments to cherish and treasure
And although there’ll be time when you both disagree
These will surely be outweighed by pleasure

You’ll have heard many words of advice in the past
When the secrets of marriage were spoken
But you know that the answers lie hidden inside
Where the bond of tru love lies unbroken

So live happy forever as lovers and friends
It’s the dawn of a new life for you
As you stand there together with love in your eyes
From the moment you whisper ‘I do’

And with luck, all your hopes, and your dreams can be real
May success find its way to your hearts
Tomorrow can bring you the greatest of joys
But today is the day it all starts.

The whole thing is tongue in cheek, about taking advantage of the misogynistic stereotyping around marriage and flipping them to your own advantage and about picking someone who will do both the stereotypically male and female roles whilst you take advantage.

For me the tongue-in-cheek air doesn't mitigate the stereotyping, just reinstates another familiar and tiresome set of stereotypes, the hen-pecked husband and the nagging wife.

And honestly, I can't imagine standing up at someone's wedding and reading a poem which is essentially someone saying they'll marry someone else because they're going to have to do a list of domestic chores and put up with their PMT.

Heard this at a wedding a few years ago and always loved it. A lovely love story by Edward Monkton.

The fierce Dinosaur was trapped inside his cage of ice. Although it was cold he was happy in there. It was, after all, his cage.
Then along came the Lovely Other Dinosaur.
The Lovely Other Dinosaur melted the Dinosaur’s cage with kind words and loving thoughts.
“I like this Dinosaur,” thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur. “Although he is fierce, he is also tender and he is funny. He is also quite clever though I will not tell him this for now.”
“I like this Lovely Other Dinosaur,” thought the Dinosaur. “She is beautiful and she is different and she smells so nice. She is also a free spirit which is a quality I much admire in a dinosaur.”
“But he can be so distant and so peculiar at times,” thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur. “He is also overly fond of things. Are all Dinosaurs so overly fond of things?”
“But her mind skips from here to there so quickly,” thought the Dinosaur. “She is also uncommonly keen on shopping. Are all Lovely Other Dinosaurs so uncommonly keen on shopping?”
“I will forgive his peculiarity and his concern for things,” thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur, “for they are part of what makes him a richly charactered individual.”
“I will forgive her skipping mind and her fondness for shopping,” thought the Dinosaur, “for she fills our life with beautiful thoughts and wonderful surprises. Besides, I am not unkeen on shopping either.”
Now the Dinosaur and the Lovely Other Dinosaur are old. Look at them. Together they stand on the hill telling each other stories and feeling the warmth of the sun on their backs.
And that, my friends, is how it is with love.
Let us all be Dinosaurs and Lovely Other Dinosaurs together. For the sun is warm. And the world is a beautiful place.

The Owl and the Pussy-Cat by Edward Lear?

The Owl and the Pussy-cat went to sea
In a beautiful pea-green boat.
They took some honey and plenty of money
Wrapped up in a five-pound note.
The Owl looked up to the stars above
And sang to a small guitar,
"Oh lovely Pussy, oh Pussy my love,
What a wonderful Pussy you are,
You are, you are!
What a wonderful Pussy you are!"

Said the Pussy to the Owl, "You elegant fowl!
How charmingly sweet you sing!
Oh let us be married,
For too long we have tarried,
But what shall we do for a ring?"
They sailed away for a year and a day
To the land where the Bong-tree grows,
And there in a wood,
A Piggy-wig stood,
With a ring at the end of his nose,
His nose,
His nose.
With a ring at the end of his nose.

"Dear Pig, are you willing
To sell for one shilling your ring?"
Said the Piggy, "I will".
So they took it away
And were married next day
By the Turkey who lives on the hill.
They dined on mince and slices of quince
Which they ate with a runcible spoon,
And hand in hand,
On the edge of the sand,
They danced by the light of the moon,
The moon,
The moon.
They danced by the light of the moon.

Is the Captain Corelli one really that bad? If you take it out of the context of the book? I’ve not read it.

I loved it and thought it described many relationships really well. It’s about choosing to be together even when the honeymoon period is over etc surely?