Am I being unreasonable?

[SophieH12]

hello
I would like an opinion from an outside perspective please.

My partner and I have our wedding booked for winter 2021. We have been together for 10 years so its exciting that our special day is now getting closer. We have struggled to save for it, whilst raising a family and putting the children/home needs first but we have worked very hard to make it all happen.

However theres been a dispute in the family and I can't help but feel upset by it all.

When we told OH sister that it was booked, within a few days she said that she was now getting married. I am happy for anyone who is getting married - how exciting, however along her wedding announcement the insults came along about our day.

Firstly, OH sister has always said she will NEVER get married as they are saving up a deposit to buy a house. She said as she already as her partners surname nothing will change for her so they dont need a wedding.

My fiance said to her that it was great that shes also planning her wedding but if she could understand ours is Nov 21. Her reaction to this was ..."ewwww winter wedding". That really hurt us. Is there anything wrong with a winter wedding? We feel that time of year is special to us but it felt like she was insulting our day.
Anyway, we had to go and pay the remainder of the deposit off. MIL babysat our children whilst we did so. When we got back MIL said that OH sister was sending her save the dates out the following day. Days before this sister in laws venue wasnt even booked, so it just felt like we had prompted her to do that.

Anyway the following day a save the date came through for OCT 2020. That was fab, something to look forward to. Although it was still in the back of my mind that she said ewww winter wedding. Personally I dont think theres much difference between Oct and November but there you go!

Obviously with the situation of Covid-19 they have now had to postpone their day. They have now put it forward to 2 weeks before our day.

I am not saying it is all about us as believe me I really dont like the limelight but it just feels like she is trying to compete and 'beat us to it'. I hate that expression but I cant help but feel that way.
MIL said she was going to donate to our day but since her daughter has said she is getting married she said she now cant contribute.
This isn't a problem as we will work hard to make our day special but it sort of hurts as I have been in the family for 10 years and she has known how long we have been saving.

Amongst this other half has said to the sister that it feels like shes competing. She said 'I'm not going to feel guilty about it'. I know she shouldn't have to feel guilty about anything but in the 10 years of knowing her she always chucks her insults at me.

My question is, do you think I am being unreasonable? I am happy for everyone but when it feels like someone's intentions are out to get me I feel like I should avoid this person? Currently I dont want to go to her wedding simply of how insulted i feel.
Can someone understand how I would feel? Many thanks

I think life is too short. You worry about your day and let her sort hers.

I’ve never understood all this animosity over weddings

Can totally understand your feelings on this.

But your sister in law can only "compete" if you join in.
It's hard but just smile and nod whenever she says anything about her wedding.
If she says anything nasty about yours just use the Mumsnet favourite "did you mean to be so rude?"

Your wedding is really important to you, obviously and hers is to her. But when you've been married for a couple of years you will look back and laugh at her crazy bullshit.

Can totally understand your feelings on this.

But your sister in law can only "compete" if you join in.
It's hard but just smile and nod whenever she says anything about her wedding.
If she says anything nasty about yours just use the Mumsnet favourite "did you mean to be so rude?"

Your wedding is really important to you, obviously and hers is to her. But when you've been married for a couple of years you will look back and laugh at her crazy bullshit.

It does sound a bit deliberate of her. But...don’t get drawn in! It will steal all enjoyment of your day and the planning. I don’t really get the big deal about weddings but I knows it’s hugely important to some people.

She sounds like a bit of a knob. If I'd received an invite to your wedding, and then got hers through afterwards, I'd think she was a knob. So don't worry OP, any common guests no doubt think she's... A bit of a knob.

She does sound like a knob. But she's only going to look more and more stupid if you don't react at all. And then she will have made her wedding about you, which is a bit sad when you think about it.

Thank you for your comments. I do appreciate your feedback. I know there should not be any conflict over a wedding, as it's special to everyone. It's just the intentions behind it.
We have not sent our Save the Dates out yet as were waiting until a year before but now we feel a bit silly as the whole family are aware of her date, so we feel like we are going to look odd when ours says 2 weeks later.
I know it's only a day but it's an expensive day. We have tried to delay our date but it means losing out on £1000 which we cant afford to do.
I hope this doesnt look like I'm bitter or trying to be better, as I wish the best for everyone but I do feel upset she is acting this way.
Thanks everyone x

I think we all know someone like your future SIL. My own sister is not dissimilar.

You're best to ignore her. Don't involve her in anything to do with your wedding and try to give her a wide berth.

Winter weddings are lovely!

Oh it would be so tempting to egg her on to splash out on her day. Like telling her you're getting someone with a harp to play music for when you walk down the aisle so she will then try to one up you.. 😂

Just ignore her and live with the knowledge that her marriage is likely to dissolve quickly with how fast she's turning into bridezilla. If the groom hasn't run away by then.