Wedding abroad

[DBML]

My cousin is getting married. Although we are not particularly close and only see each other in passing, I am over the moon for her.

They have just sent out their save the dates and it reveals that they have planned the wedding to take place in the Greek Islands, next summer.

I wish her well, but do not want to go.

I enjoy visiting the America’s, Caribbean and Australasia. I have no interest in spending my hard earned money, going to the Greek Islands. Not that there’s anything wrong with them, but we spent a lot of time on Kos, Corfu and Zante as young adults and whilst very nice, relaxing, beach holidays, we just like seeing and experiencing very something different now.

My mother is extremely upset that I’ve said we won’t go. Both my brother and sister have agreed to attend with their families and my parents. So it would just be us not going.
She keeps waving it off and telling me that I will go. She says I look spiteful.

I have no idea how my cousin and her family feel about it. They haven’t said and frankly, I bet they don’t care all that much. (Except my cousins mother...who does think the world should stop for her kids weddings. She was quite precious about the last one and us all being in the right colours). I suspect my mother’s brother (bride’s dad) couldn’t give two hoots though. And I’m sure the bride will understand.

The holiday/wedding would be at my expense.

Am I being spiteful or unreasonable?
I’d just rather save my money and go where I want to go on holiday.

Btw, don’t bother suggesting that my mum should pay if she wants us to go. That won’t happen and plus, I need the holiday time to go on the vacation I want to go on.

No you’re not unreasonable. Weddings abroad irritate me, I don’t like my holidays being dictated to me or being expected to spend masses going to someone else’s wedding, especially as you’re not close. I’d do it (and have) for very close friends and family, but not for a cousin you barely see. I think anyone having an abroad wedding has to accept lots of people won’t come, indeed I think some count on it, and especially as you think your cousin won’t even mind I wouldn’t worry about it.

Not up to your Mum, you will be paying so up to you where you holiday, I know my Mum would be exactly the same! But really is your choice.

Thank you. I thought that. I guess my biggest issue is my mother.
My mother is very close to my cousin and therefore deems me closer than I deem myself.

Not unreasonable at all.

I don't get these abroad weddings and then everyone gets the huff when invites get declined.

I too would use the money for going somewhere I would really want to go as well.

If you aren’t close, then YAnbu.

It’s good of her to invite you but you are perfectly entitled to say no thanks.

If you can afford it then go. Life’s too short, go and make memories with your family! If your close to your mum and siblings I believe you should go really - if you can afford both the holiday you want and this one as an additional holiday.

@HellOfATime919

Sadly I cannot afford to do the wedding holiday, plus a holiday I actually want to go on. The wedding would have to be our only holiday of the year.
My mum is close to my uncle and cousin, but I only see them a few times a year if that.
I’m close to my mum, but not the type of close where I’d ever choose to go on vacation with her. I’m happy to see her every 4-5 weeks or so.

I don’t think many couples having destination weddings would get huffing about non attendees. Literally the first consideration when deciding what you want from a location and date is “ who will be able to come”. Their family’s possibly will be upset , they want their child to have the best wedding.
Your mum is being ridiculous. Your family will be represented. Doesn’t need all of you.

We can all Zoom or send a lovely video message these days.