Hen do - £300

[Firstimemam]

My friend is getting married, they had a baby about 8 months ago, so due to not having any money, they decided to have a very small wedding in his parents garden.

I have not received a save the date, I did receive a text. I'm not sure when the wedding invite will come but it's in July.

AIBU to think I shouldn't be spending this much or a hen do especially given how small/simplistic. the wedding is going to be? Or should the actual wedding have nothing to do with the hen do? I feel like, we're friends but not that close friends, we would also have to travel to their wedding, stay somewhere overnight and get childcare ....

Cost of hen do has nothing to do with the size of the wedding.

£300 is definitely (unfortunately!) what I'd expect to spend on a hen do. Very thankful that nearly all my friends are married! If you can't afford it, or you're not really close enough to the person to justify the cost (which is entirely reasonable), then just don't go.

What does the hen do involve? Is it being organised by someone other than the bride?

You don’t have to go.

If it’s a small wedding and your invited that would indicate you are thought of as close friends. It sounds like your resenting going to the wedding aswell as the hen. Everyone usually pays for travel, accommodation and arranges childcare. You should be excited to share this special day with your friend. If your feeling like this I would make excuses to not go to either. I would not want someone at my wedding who felt like this ... as it is a small wedding let someone else go who would appreciate the invite.

£300 is entirely reasonable for a hen. Can I ask how much you expected to people to pay for your hen do and whether this friend made the effort to attend your wedding?

Funny enough, everyone ended up dropping out (not me) due to it being too expensive, so they changed everything and only have 1 overnight stay more locally for people to actually attend which was from like 22 people only 7 including me, so I don’t think I was being unreasonable given that a lot of people who were invited thought the same. The wedding was supposed to be in July but is now cancelled, and so is the hen do.

I’m not expecting anyone who can not afford or thinks it’s too expensive to be at my hen/wedding to attend. The person isn’t even invited to mine as I don’t consider her a close enough friend. I invited 20 people, most of which I have known for 10-25 years aka uni mates & friends from primary school as well as SIL, MIL and my own mother. Every single person is attending.

I think expecting people to dish out £300,which will always end up more, is entirely unreasonable

I will never understand how people think it's ok to expect people to spend so much money, and how so many people have just accepted that hens cost this much money now!

£300 to a lot of people is a lot of money for a hen weekend. I for one could t afford that and a holiday with my family and I know which I would choose

I think it sounds unreasonable proportionately. If you having a low key, cost wedding ( and absolutely nothing the matter with that) it takes the piss expecting people to spend hundreds of pounds on a hen do.
Bit like have a tight budget for the families food but still having an extra £20 for wine and fags.

£300 is ridiculous for a hen do! As a bride I would feel so embarrassed and cheeky expecting my friends to fork out that amount of money. Totally regardless of the type of wedding you're having.

I've had so many bad experiences and so have my friends I didn't actually want to have my own!

I'm booking an upstairs of a restaurant with a private dining area for my friends - everyone just pays for what they eat and drink and then those who want to go dancing can and those who want to just go home can. Nothing over the top and no one being forced to shell out money they don't have.

I think it depends on your group. I defiantly think £300 for a weekend is the going rate these days.

For a weekend £300 is not unreasonable, I organised my sister's last year and struggled to get it below that (that included minibus, two nights in a marriott, breakfast and dinner, four activities) and was worried people would be put off but 20 people didn't blink an eye. We are normal sorts, the group included a teacher, teaching assistant, a nurse, a few admin types, civil servant, managers and a few SAHMs

That was last August, so wish we were still in normal times and looking forward to things like that!!

Is the wedding still going ahead? can the hen do still be done?